EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT AGING

… BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK!

MARLENE JENSEN

COPYRIGHT NOTICE

©2020 by Marlene Jensen, including content previously published at SeniorDefender.net as well as new.

The following chapters were authored by others and have separate copyrights:

©2020 Ronni Bennett: “Meltdown Monday” (Chap. 12)

©2020 Vallerina F. Day:

“Are the men in white coats coming for you?” (Chap. 16) and “Assisted Suicide: What are your rights?” (Chap. 53)

©2020 Gloria Ginn: “Does your diet need to change as you age?” (Chap. 9)

©2020 Bob Lowry: “Can a satisfying retirement with limited resources work?” (Chap. 30)

©2020 Joan Price: “10 hot tips for solo senior sex” (Chap. 50)

*****

Published November 16, 2020 by JGF Press.

All rights reserved. Any use, other than as a single copy for the use of the purchaser, is strictly prohibited. This book is not to be distributed, quoted (except for reviewing purposes), or recreated, in whole or in part, without the express written consent of the copyright holder. All product names and services identified throughout this book are trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective companies. Marlene Jensen and SeniorDefender.net have absolutely no relationship with any other company mentioned, other than as vendors or clients.

*****

ISBN (print book): 978-1-7355815-1-4

ISBN (amazon e-book): 978-1-7355815-2-1

ISBN (e-pub e-book): 978-1-7355815-3-8

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020915413

Websites:

JGFpress.com

EverythingAboutAging.net

SeniorDefender.net

LIMITS OF LIABILITY / DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY

The author and publisher of this book have used their best efforts in preparing this information. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this book. They disclaim any warranties (expressed or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

This publication is not intended to be used as a source for legal, accounting, or other professional advice. The information contained herein may be subject to varying state, provincial, local, or national laws and/ or regulations. Readers are advised to seek legal, medical, and financial advice from legal, medical, and financial professionals. The content in this book is designed to raise questions you may wish to ask of those professionals — before making your own decisions that apply more directly to you.

CONTENTS

Welcome!

I.  Looks

1.  Best Looks for Your Older Age

2.  To Gray or Not to Gray? Is That the Question?

3.  Dramatic Looks — Stop Being Invisible!

II.  Ageism

4.  How Ageism Will — and Won’t — Affect Your Life

5.  Ageism Dangers

6.  Your Pharmacy Assumes You Become Senile the Day You Turn 70!

III.  Health

7.  Your Brain is Shrinking: How to Protect Yourself

8.  How to Improve Recall — and Maybe Delay Alzheimers or Dementia

9.  Does Your Diet Need to Change as You Age?

10.  Hate Exercise? Motivation “Tricks” That Actually Work!

11.  Exercise at 60+ — Beware Personal Trainers

12.  Big Pharma Horrors: Meltdown Monday

13.  Drug Side Effects — Suddenly Schizophrenic

14.  Demand These in a Hospital Stay…

IV.  Legal

15.  NEVER go Into a Nursing Home to Recover — You May Never Escape

16.  Are the Men in White Coats Coming for You?

17.  “Powers of Attorney” are Dangerous — Both Assigning One and Not

18.  How Seniors are Forced into Involuntary Guardianships

V.  Mental

19.  Dramatically Improve Your Memory — in 6-8 Minutes

20.  Depression in Seniors — and the Effects of Sports

21.  Free College for Seniors

VI.  Retirement

22.  How do You Decide When to Retire?

23.  Never Retire! Jobs That Won’t Kick Seniors to the Curb

24.  Letting Go of Your Job

25.  Empty Calendar Syndrome?

VII.  Money

26.  How Thieves Steal Your Social Security Benefits

27.  You Need Just 3 Numbers to Budget Expenses for Retirement

28.  How Much $ Can You Withdraw Each Year Without Running Out?

29.  What if Your Retirement Income Isn’t Enough?

30.  A Satisfying Retirement with Limited Resources

VIII.  Where to Live?

31.  States Which Grab More of Your Retirement Income

32.  States That let Insurance Companies Screw You Out of Your Money

33.  Live on the Beach — or in a Ski Lodge — and Still Run Your Business

34.  Should You Buy an RV?

IX.  Start Your Own Biz

35.  Discover if Your New Biz Idea Will Succeed — BEFORE You Launch!

36.  How to Protect Your Biz with a Trademark

37.  Good Websites — for Cheap

38.  Writing Great Marketing Copy

39.  How to Set Up Accounting Software — When You’d Rather Die!

40.  Hiring Part-time or Project Help

X.  Fun!

41.  Feeling Powerless? Get Behind the Wheel of an RV

42.  Agility Training — Fun for You and Your Dog!

43.  You Could Test Recipes for Publishers

44.  Create a Model Train Layout — for Fun and for the Challenge!

45.  Dance — Like Nobody’s Watching!

XI.  Volunteering

46.  How to Find the Best Volunteer Opportunities for YOU

47.  Volunteer with SCORE — Use Your Business Skills to Help America Grow Jobs

XII.  Love & Sex

48.  Unconditional Love

49.  Finding Your Senior Love-Mate

50.  10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

XIII.  Aging Alone

51.  Aging Alone

XIV.  Death

52.  What Makes a “Good” Death?

53.  Assisted Suicide — What are Your Rights?

Photo Credits

About the Author

WELCOME!

You bought this book to find out if there are problems (and opportunities!) that come with aging. Problems you haven’t anticipated. Opportunities you might want to explore.

Congratulations! Your instincts are correct.

They ARE out to get you!

Don’t kid yourself; aging ain’t for sissies! You need to protect yourself from:

- Crooked judges, attorneys and doctors — some of whom have teamed up to declare seniors incompetent just so they can steal your money

- Big Pharma who has harmed many and killed some seniors by selling us drugs they have never even tested on people our age

- Nursing homes — who can imprison us against our will and drug us when we object to “make us more manageable” — with a sign-off from doctors to whom they pay big bucks

- Nosy neighbors — who think they know best how we should live

- Adults who dismiss all older people as senile and a drain on society — some even suggesting we should happily allow ourselves to be killed off just so business doesn’t suffer.

Let me be your guide during your journey. For the past three years, I’ve investigated exactly these problems to find the best options for you — as the editor of SeniorDefender.net . As such, I pursued two goals:

1. Protect seniors from all the crap that can land on us — especially crap you might not see coming.

2. Open seniors’ eyes to all the great upside to aging — an upside barely mentioned in the traditional press (see right below)

You can re-invent old age — the way YOU want it!

The most amazing, wonderful thing about aging — is you get to make all the decisions! There are as many paths in aging as there are unique fingerprints — everyone is different.

The problem with that is — we’re not used to this kind of freedom. From the time we’re a kid we’re told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. This continues through school and into the workplace.

So when seniors retire — most have no idea what they would like to do.

The specter of all that empty free time just going on and on scared the heck out of me — just as it may scare you. It kept me working full time until I was 73 years old. It also caused me to research the heck out of what opportunities are out there. Research I’ll share with you in these pages. Research that finally reassured me retirement would be worth doing.

How do you find what would bring you joy in your life? What would make you wake up eager for the day to start? You will need to:

- Have Fun! What’s the point of retiring if you can’t bring more joy into your life? You’ll find suggestions to jump start new ways you may have fun. (And for some of you — sorry, but playing golf every day won’t be enough by itself. You’ll want more!)

- Contribute to society! There’s nothing that ruins most lives as quickly as feeling you are sitting around waiting to die. You will want something that makes you feel important. Something where your lifetime expertise is recognized as being of value to others. Something that lets you feel good because you’re doing good for others.

- Friends, family, love & sex! We vary greatly in the amount of each of these that we want in our lives. Some want to spend almost all their time on these — and others figure an hour a day is plenty. We’ll look at how to get as much as you want.

Money & health problems

Yes, there are limits when we age. But we’ve always had limits. How many of us at 20 wished the gene pool had made us smarter, better looking, thinner, faster, stronger, richer, etc.? What made our lives successful was how we dealt with those limits. We changed what we could that was important to us, we learned to work around what we couldn’t change — and we made the best we could of our gifts.

It’s no different when you age. It’s just the limits are different. They will be mostly health and money limits.

You cope the same way. You change what you can — and what is most important to you. And you learn to work around what you can’t change.

You’ll find lots of help for both changing and for coping — all inside this book.

PART I

LOOKS

It’s hard aging in a culture that worships youth, but there is reason for some hope. As the Baby Boomers age, society will find it harder to ignore older people. Advertisers will finally have to target us for ads other than adult diapers, hearing aids, wheel chairs and dentures. We will become less invisible.

When it comes to our looks, seniors typically pick one of these choices:

1. Fight Aging Tooth & Nail: Dye that hair, lift that face, and work that bod. One can’t deny the attraction of this strategy. Just look at Jane Fonda in the first four seasons of Frankie & Grace .

2. Look Good for Your Age: No facelift, hair may or may not be dyed, keep in shape through exercise. This can be an excellent strategy for men, as society accepts — even admires — a few wrinkles in a man. For women, this strategy gives you some credit with older women but makes you invisible to younger women and most men.

3. Say “Screw it!” Since society won’t think you attractive anymore, to hell with them. Clean and dressed is good enough. Throw away makeup. Go gray.

4. Go for Drama! Fight invisibility by showing the looks you most enjoy for yourself. Pink tutus and ballet slippers? Why not. Motorcycle jackets, zippers everywhere, and tattoos? Sure. After all, your parents are no longer around to be horrified. As Baby Boomers, we fought society expectations for a big part of our lives. Maybe it’s time to re-claim our outrageousness!

1

BEST LOOKS FOR YOUR OLDER AGE

What are our options?

AFTER HOURS of looking at photos of seniors, I’ve spent probably way too much time considering what constitutes “good looks” for seniors.

A quick search on Instagram will find a ton of (mainly women) all showing how great a woman can look in gray hair. Just a few include: wise.woman.aging, silverdisobedience, and art_of_healthy_aging.

I have always favored dramatic looks — looks that make a person absolutely NOT invisible. But… a funny thing happened in selecting pictures of good-looking seniors. You’ll see some flash in the following pictures. Some striking looks. But…  the ones that most appealed didn’t really need either. A great smile was the most attractive “beauty secret” of all!

Do you agree?

2

TO GRAY OR NOT TO GRAY? IS THAT THE QUESTION?

THE CORONA VIRUS “TIME OF ISOLATION” was a problem for those of us who had our hair dyed in a hair salon. Three months of gray roots — which fortunately weren’t visible on the Zoom calls which replaced in-person meetings.

But it made many of us think about dyeing — or not dyeing — hair.

Why you should say “Yes” to dyeing:

- G ray hair makes you look older. In our society — that’s a problem.

- Age discrimination is strong in the workplace and equally strong in social circles.

- If you’re employed, going gray will likely be dangerous to your career.

Why you should say “No” to dyeing:

- Dyeing Looks Phony? Does dyeing our hair make us look phony? If we lie about our hair color, what else are we lying about? Are we one of those people who thinks, acts, and dresses like we’re still 20 — when we obviously are not?

- Dyeing Agrees that Old = Bad? Doesn’t dyeing our hair make us complicit in the idea that old is bad? Shouldn’t we be fighting to make sure people know that being old doesn’t mean we’re decrepit. They should see us as our vibrant selves — even though we’re gray. Some seniors feel so strongly about this that they shame people who do dye their hair.

How can we decide?

If you’ve already been dyeing your hair, the decision to go gray is a big risk. What if you absolutely hate it? Fortunately, you can “test drive” the idea of gray hair through wigs. They’re not that expensive these days. I got one for $30 and another for $70. One in gray and one in white. The white was because I spent a couple of years in my 20s as a platinum blonde — so I figured I’d like it better than gray.

But… I hated me in both of them. Which was a big problem, because I couldn’t see myself having to dye my hair into my 90s. At some point — I would be fed up with it. Besides, at 73 I felt I was starting to look phony in my dyed hair. My face wrinkles were’t meshing with the strawberry blonde hair.

So I tried one more wig. It had a mixture of gray and white hair in it. Which looked much better than the other two wigs. But…

Fortunately, there’s another solution. You can leave your lower temples gray and dye half your other hairs(!) This only works with a professional hair colorist, so don’t try to do it yourself. And it’s more expensive than just getting your hair dyed because it’s much more work. I went from spending $90 every 4 weeks (cut & color), to alternating spending $200 and $120 every 5 weeks. The $200 is for the full head and the $120 is just the top of the head.

It makes me laugh that this much-more-involved dye job looks so “natural”!

So… like everything about aging — you have plenty of choices. Just go with what works for you and your circumstances. What makes you feel the most comfortable.

3

DRAMATIC LOOKS — STOP BEING INVISIBLE!

YOU COULDN’T MISS my brother or sister strolling down the sidewalk. They managed to not become “invisible” like so many of the rest of us older citizens.

My brother was 66, about 6’ tall, skinny as a rail, with a Jesus beard and long flowing white-gray locks. Sandals and bell-bottom jeans were frequent accompaniments. I double dare you to not look at him as you pass him by.

My 70-year-old sister dresses like the L.A. child she is, capris, tank top and sandals. Plus silver hair long enough to sit on. One look and you know she’s her own woman — an original. There’s also an element of “thumb-in-your-eye” in her looks when you see her never-been-“nipped or tucked” face in youth-obsessed L.A.

Can we only become stunning by letting our hair grow super long and grey? Never mind that having long hair makes some of us look good and others look like sheepdogs. Is that the only choice?

Johnny Cash had old-age drama. I saw him and his wife at a mall in Las Vegas when he and the Highway Men were playing there. His coal black hair was matched by black jeans, black t-shirt, black jacket and black cowboy boots. With his ivory white face, he looked like a shockingly aged movie vampire — still sexy, of course.

To see just how far-out-there you can take your looks, check out the “Bag and a Beret” blogs of Mel Kobayashi, who is pictured in one of her million guises directly below — along with some other seniors who are most assuredly NOT invisible!

PART II

AGEISM

… AND BECOMING INVISIBLE

Ageism is a killer. Of hope. Of opportunity. Even of our lives.

Ageism is stupid. Everyone on this planet — if they’re lucky — will become old.

This section could take up the whole book with research that shows terrible problems and how they are harming, even killing, seniors. In fact, books have been written on it.

The goal of this section is not to pummel you with all the ageism out there — but instead to alert you to key areas where it can hurt you.

What can we as individuals do about ageism?

- Ridicule it: Dictators control their local press because they fear the truth and ridicule. If you can deflate ageist statements with some form of joke, ridicule, or sarcasm — these typically work better than screeds. Example: Someone comments on old folks being terrible drivers. You might toss in, “Well… I’d rather have one of them in a car near me than someone on a cell phone.” BTW, for an extreme example, I once found myself driving behind a motorcycle — whose 20-something driver was texting(!)

- Refuse to hide: It helps to see seniors out living “normal” life — instead of being hidden away in senior-only communities. Once I became comfortable that broadcasting my age wouldn’t get me fired (university professor), I made sure my students knew my age (73 when I finally retired).

- Sue: If you have a good case, spending years on an age discrimination suit might be your contribution to future seniors.

- Ignore it: When you work, your boss’s opinion of you is key to your continued employment and advancement. But once you retire — many find they can stop worrying as much what others think about them. You do yourself a great favor if you no longer let others define you or set rules about what you can/should do or not do.

4

HOW AGEISM WILL — AND WON’T — AFFECT YOUR LIFE

AS YOU START REACHING senior-citizen age, you may be surprised to find you’re becoming invisible. You will encounter people on the street whose eyes will glide right over you — as if you weren’t there. Who knew you could become a ghost while still alive?

On TV, multiple studies reliably find just 2-3% of all TV characters are 65+. And in the unlikely event one of us is shown — it’s twice as likely to be a male as a female.

You’ll be amazed to discover people (mainly doctors and pharmacists — but others too) who all but pat you on the head in condescension. Who dumb down what they tell you. Who look impatient at your explanations that take no longer than ones you gave when you were younger — which were attended to.

Research shows your doctor is likely to spend less time with you than with younger patients — especially for follow-up appointments.

Some of us will never forgive Mitt Romney for saying (in effect) that half of all Americans are living on the dole — with no acknowledgement that the social security benefits that seniors today are receiving are those they previously paid to the government.

Ageist attitudes are prevalent and very harmful

Despite U.S. adults over 65 representing 18% of the population (2020), we get little respect. Fortunately, there’s a lot of research on ageism, looking at the many different factors that make it up and factors that strengthen it. If you want more on the subject, read Ageism: Stereotyping and prejudice against older persons . It’s an excellent book which I unfortunately can’t recommend because it made me want to slit my wrists(!)

Just seeing elders arouses thoughts of death in younger people. If they can keep us out of sight and/or out of mind then these thoughts can be shoved into the subconscious and not be dealt with. Methods used (if unconsciously) to keep us out of sight:

Physical distancing

- Place us in retirement homes or nursing communities

- Keep us out of the workforce

- Avoid other locations where we might be found

Psychological distancing

- Treat the elderly not “as real people” but as “different, as another being” (Simone de Beauvoir, 1972)

- Exaggerate differences between elderly and themselves

“Do-gooders” justify putting older people into homes because they “can’t cope by themselves.” Yet studies show just 26% of adults over age 85 need help with daily activites such as bathing, dressing, etc. That means 74% over 85 do NOT. (Horgas, Wahl and Baltes, 1996).

Perhaps most insidious of all — ageism affects how we view ourselves. If you tell a grade school teacher that two of his/her (randomly chosen) students scored high on an intelligence test, those students typically end up doing much better in the class. The teacher treats them as more capable, and the students internalize this belief.

This same effect occurs in the opposite direction with seniors. Behaviors by others such as tuning out when we talk, treating us paternalistically, talking to us like babies — these can cause our self esteem to shrink and we begin to believe we are no longer as capable. And, without a job where we can see our abilities relative to others’, we find little in our daily lives to tell us otherwise.

“More than average” ageism among medical professionals

From medical school through internships, a negative attitude is cultivated among medical professionals. When they can’t quickly diagnose what ails us, many medical professionals decide we’re “crocks” (hypochondriacs) and make a note in our charts — especially if we’re women — that the problem is psychological. That can stay in your chart forever and make future doctors we may see more likely to dismiss any physical reason for our concerns.

Many doctors don’t know enough to reduce the dosage of medications for older people (due to changes in the effectiveness and absorption of drugs in seniors). As a result, research shows we are over-dosed and thus more likely to have adverse drug reactions.

The only exception to over-dosing seniors comes in pain medication. Many doctors think pain is a normal part of aging, instead of a treatable condition. As a result, research shows we are often under-treated for pain and suffer needlessly.

Despite the fact that doctors will see a much higher percentage of patients who are older, just 10% of U.S. medical schools require any training in geriatric medicine.

Psychiatrists are more likely to drug older adults (compared to younger ones) than suggest psychotherapy, because many believe older people are not capable of self-reflection(!)

Undergraduate texts for new psychiatrists show clear ageism in the presentation of older patients. This becomes dangerous for seniors as it means psychiatrists are more likely to consider senility as a natural part of aging — and thus more likely to declare a senior unfit to handle his/her own life.

Living well is the best revenge!

Seniors know that nobody gets out of here alive. But we’re learning how to live the years we still have in a manner that is best for us.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs shows “self-actualization” at the top of the life pyramid, after safety, love, and esteem. Maslow thought few people ever get to self actualization, but I disagree. Those of you still young should take heart that it becomes more possible as you age.

- You know yourself better.

- You understand what makes you happy and what makes you sad.

- Your decades of experience gives you wisdom — in life and in work.

- And, frankly, you’re less willing to take crap from anyone.

5

AGEISM DANGERS

YOUR DOC DOESN’T KNOW WHICH DRUGS OR PROCEDURES TO GIVE YOU!

…AND IT’S NOT his or her fault. According to the NY Times , doctors have to “guess” whether or not you should be taking a certain drug. And, if so, what your dosage should be. And what your likely side effects will be. They also don’t know which medical procedures that work fine on younger people will not work well for you. Ditto your response to different medical devices.

Why? Because drug companies, hospitals, and medical device manufacturers don’t bother to test their products on the elderly. Even — believe it or not — medicines, procedures, or devices particularly targeting seniors! And the National Institutes of Health won’t make them.

“These findings are concerning because it means that doctors cannot be confident that clinical trial results apply to their older patients,” says Donna Zulman, M.D., M.S. Dr. Zulman is the lead author of a study  by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.

In a great NY Times article, “The clinical trial is open. The elderly need not apply ,” geriatrician Dr. Ken Covinsky calls the exclusion of seniors from drug research “unacceptable.”

By 2030, adults over 65 will represent 25% of the U.S. population, and they will account for over 35% of the health care expenditures in the nation. Yet 20% of all clinical trials in the U.S. specifically exclude adults over a certain age in their designs.

And half of all studies “hide” the methods they use to exclude the elderly — such as excluding frailty, people with “limited life expectancy”(!), people with multiple disorders or disabilities, and people with mental impairment.

Why the new ruling won’t help much

The National Institutes of Health — starting in January 2020 — requires any grant applications submitted to them to “provide acceptable justification” for any age group they wish to omit from the study. But… many studies are privately funded and thus won’t have even this tiny justification to overcome.

And all applications for any grant from anyone can continue to exclude the elderly without spelling out an age limit — by limiting the clinical trial to exclude the frail, those with multiple disorders, and those with limited life expectancy.

Also, even in studies where the elderly were included, their results may not be published. Many studies include a few “token” elderly, then exclude them when they publish the results. So even when public money supports the research, the researchers can squelch how their medications/devices affected their few elderly test subjects — and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Why studies want to avoid seniors

Medical researchers have “good” reasons for wanting to exclude seniors from their research.

1. Because we’re more frail and because we react stronger to medicines, we’re more likely to show serious drug side effects. Drugs can look a lot safer (and be approved easier) if they show fewer side effects.

2. Because we’re often on other medications, including seniors makes for more complicated results. It’s much easier if the tested drug is the only one being taken. However… 70% of Americans are on one drug , and half are on two or more. So drug companies already deal with some of this complexity.

Heart disease medications

While 40% of those hospitalized with heart attacks are 75+, fully 1/2 of the clinical trials for heart disease medications had upper age limits that excluded those over 75 or 80. And even where there were no age limits, just 12% of the participants in those studies were over 75.

How bad a problem is this really?

We do know elderly bodies react differently to medications than do younger bodies. For example, as we age, our livers become less efficient at breaking down medicines, and our kidneys less efficient at excreting them . That means “normal” doses of some medications are more likely to cause side effects to seniors.

We also know elderly people are particularly susceptible to the side effects of opioid painkillers such as morphine and sleeping tablets such as diazepam. So doctors should prescribe lower doses and/or shorter periods of taking such drugs.

What we don’t know is whether these problems are important for specific drugs. For example:

- That heart drug you are taking… should you take less? We don’t know.

- Are there additional problems for the elderly with a drug — beyond what we know in general? We don’t know.

- Are multiple drug interactions worse for seniors? We don’t know.

How many seniors are dying because of uncovered problems? Nobody knows. And much, much worse — nobody is finding out.

6

YOUR PHARMACY ASSUMES YOU BECOME SENILE THE DAY YOU TURN 70!

HAVE YOU TURNED 70 YET? If so, did you change from a smart, capable human being into a blithering idiot that very day?

Me neither.

Yet my pharmacy decided that’s exactly what happened to me. They started sending me robo-telephone calls telling me a prescription of mine was past due to be refilled. Just because I was now 70. Calls they didn’t make when I was 69.

There’s big marketing behind these calls. Pharmacists and drug companies believe they are losing a fortune because people don’t take all the pills they are prescribed. Their eyes practically fill with tears thinking about all the extra money they could be making.

(Don’t think I’m over-reacting here. I used to be publisher of a nursing magazine and getting nurses to push drug “compliance” was one of drug companies’ top marketing goals.)

Two reasons why we aren’t taking our pills

#1: Because some of us choose to take fewer (or none) of what we’ve been prescribed . That’s right, we’re doing it ON PURPOSE! Often for very good reasons:

- For example, acid reflux medicines make us 3 times as likely to get pneumonia and 40% more likely to get dementia. So, personally, instead of taking Zantac twice a day as prescribed, I use it once in a blue moon if really needed, and use diet and Tums (when needed) for every day.

- My 87-pound, 84-year-old mother would take all her pills, but cut them in half. Otherwise, at her weight and age, they were way too strong. If you’ve medicated a dog, you know a 7-pound Yorkie doesn’t get the same dosage as a Rotweiller. In fact, that Yorkie needs just half the dosage of a 15-pound dog. And if you read the medical literature — as we age, we need a reduced dosage of most medications. Yet doctors still prescribed the same dosage to my old, tiny mother as to a young person twice her weight.

#2: Because some of us DO have mild to serious dementia and can’t remember. But even in cases of dementia, robo-calls aren’t the answer.

- Pharmacies who really care about patients are now offering services to package all a person’s medications into daily packets each labeled as to when (Breakfast? Lunch? Before bed?) they should be taken.

- After all, if someone truly can’t remember to refill a prescription, how likely are they to remember to take the pills when they should? Pharmacies show their true colors by caring as much about the taking of the pills as they do about the buying of them.

When I complained to my pharmacy, “You’re treating me like I’m suddenly incompetent,” they actually said to me, “Some of our customers can barely remember their names. They need this reminder service.”

Apparently the pharmacy needed someone to inform them that people don’t lose their minds the day they turn 70. (BTW, I made a big enough stink in the store that day that they stopped the calls to avoid further scenes. I don’t get the calls anymore — but I’m sure others still do.)

Stand up for yourself if/when it happens to you. Don’t let them get away with this ageism!

PART III

HEALTH

Your health (or lack of health) will have the biggest effect on the quality of life in your senior years.

Most people worry about just two things when it comes to senior health: Mobility and senility.

Turns out we also need to worry about doctor perceptions, drug side effects, exercise, diet and hospital rebounding — as you’ll see in this section.

7

YOUR BRAIN IS SHRINKING: HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF

Diagram of the brain

BRAIN SHRINKAGE IS normal as we age -- it happens to us all. It sometimes correlates with reduced mental faculties -- but not always. Despite that, some doctors, hospitals, and attorneys can (and have!) used this normal shrinkage as "proof" of mental deterioration.

Here's how to protect yourself from both the shrinkage and from those who would use it against you.

How much is your brain shrinking?

The volume and/or weight of human brains shrinks about 5% per decade, starting at age 40. There are a tiny number of studies which suggest this normal rate of shrinkage may increase after the age of 70. What we do know is that by age 75, our brain is on average 15% smaller than it was at 25.

Most knowledge of aging brains comes from insufficient studies and participants, and with complicating factors not properly controlled for. For example, scientists are unsure whether the actual number of brain cells decline, or if it is more the volume of each neuronal cell that declines. White matter in our brains also declines and lesions start forming in it. This starts at the age of 40, but it happens in normal aging as well as aging which brings reduced mental capacity.

Why I'm refusing to let any hospital take a MRI of my brain(!)

My Medical Power of Attorney document threatens a lawsuit against any hospital which conducts an MRI on my brain -- for any reason -- without my written permission. Why? Because a hospital treating my mother did exactly that to her -- then told me they would support me if I wanted to legally take over my mother's affairs because they had proof (the MRI) of her mental incapacity (her shrunken brain).

Mother went in the hospital because she had been non-responsive when one of her visiting helpers arrived. Once mother woke up, she was refusing several of the the medications the doctors wanted to give her and demanding to go home. The hospital did an MRI on her brain without telling her why, then told me these results.

I was stunned, because mother at 89 had shown no signs whatsoever of dementia or Alzheimers. She was still running her life as she saw fit, still completely lucid in our weekly talks. Still smart as a whip. I told the hospital that while they (and I!) might not like mother's choices, she was still completely capable of making her own decisions.

Then I researched this idea of a brain shrinkage and found out it happens to EVERYONE. The idea that they would support me taking away mom’s independence for something that happens to everyone -- I see that as incredibly evil.

Which parts of your brain are most affected?

If you look at brain volume, the prefrontal cortex is most affected and the occipital lobe (involved in visual processing) is the least affected. Interestingly, men and women seem to differ on which brain areas show the most shrinkage. (For more info, you can search these sections in wikipedia.org .)

For men, the frontal and temporal lobes are most affected.

- The frontal lobe  has been implicated in planning complex cognitive behavior, personality expression, decision making, and moderating social behavior. It also plays a large role in voluntary movement and houses the primary motor cortex which regulates activities like walking.

- The temporal lobe is involved in processing sensory input into derived meanings for the appropriate retention of visual memory, language comprehension, and emotion association.

For women , it’s the hippocampus and parietal lobes that are most affected.

- The hippocampus  (the worm between the corpus callosum and the thalamus in the drawing) plays important roles in the consolidation of information from short-term memory to long-term memory, and in spatial memory that enables navigation.

- The parietal lobe is involved with most brain functions.

How your brain compensates for this shrinkage(!)

Your brain doesn't just take this shrinkage lying down. No, it has two active methods to compensate and keep us mentally healthy:

1. Dendritic Sprouting

- Brain function isn't only a matter of how many cells we have, it's also how good the connections (synapses) are between them. While some studies show a decrease in synapses or loss of synaptic plasticity, other studies show "dendritic sprouting" where the brain sprouts more dendrites in order to maintain the same number of synapses we had before -- thus compensating for any cell death. (Go brain!)

2. HAROLD

- Our brains also compensate by HAROLD (Hemispheric Asymmetry Reduction in Older Adults). Our right and left brain hemispheres normally specialize in functions. However, if there is damage in one hemisphere, our brain can change the other hemisphere to try to compensate.

- Older adults show less specialization in the two hemispheres. Thus electrodes in older brains will show activity in the right hemisphere as well as the left for language, whereas for younger adults language resides solely in the left hemisphere.

- (I love picturing Harold (one of my brothers' names) looking out for me from on high by expanding my brain into new areas to compensate for any shrinkage problems!)

How you can help your brain compensate

There are seven factors that we control that can help our brains to compensate.

1. Alcohol. Remember when we learned that alcohol kills brain cells? And we laughed about it? Well, that party should be mostly over. However, not all alcohol need be off the table. Studies show a "U" shaped curve that is bad news for teetotalers and for heavy drinkers, while no more than one drink a day (women) or two (men) shows reduced brain problems -- even reduced dementia(!) (Instead of that one drink/day, we could replace it with some added polyphenols in our diets. They can come from grapes or supplements.)

2. Exercise. Our reduced prefrontal cortex hurts "executive function," but exercise increases it. Exercise also slows reduction in white and grey tissue density. AND it lowers our cardiovascular risk (see number 5).

3. Diabetes . People with diabetes had faster shrinkage in the brain region called the hippocampus, which is involved with memory.

4. Smoking . Smokers had more rapid overall brain shrinkage than nonsmokers, and also showed faster white matter changes.

5. Cardiovascular and stroke risk factors . Anything that reduces our risk of heart attack or stroke will help slow brain shrinkage. High blood pressure is especially likely to create lesions in our white matter -- which can (but may not) lead to dementia. Studies also show raised systolic blood pressure was related to grey matter volume loss.

6. Being overweight or obese. People who were overweight or obese in middle age were more likely to be among the top quartile of those with the fastest rates of decrease in brain volume and the most rapid declines in executive function.

7. Increased cognitive effort in the form of education or occupational attainment. Environmental factors such as schooling and occupation appear to contribute to a "cognitive reserve" that protects us against mental decline. This does not mean playing mental games will protect us (studies have not shown it), but instead finds a benefit to higher level schooling and occupations that use our minds. However, all that didn't prevent my attorney father from getting Alzheimers.

(Note on references: While I researched a number of articles for this chapter, the best, clearest source, complete with its own references was an NIH government report which can be found here at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2596698/ . Another excellent source is this Time article , titled “ study-4-factors-that-may-shrink-your-brain.”)

8

HOW TO IMPROVE RECALL — AND MAYBE DELAY ALZHEIMERS OR DEMENTIA

ARE YOU TERRIFIED OF ALZHEIMERS? I am.

Alzheimers was just a word to me until about 11 years ago. I even joked about it. “Early Alzheimers” I would joke if I forgot something. But 11 years ago…

1. My father, who had been complaining about his memory for decades (while still working full-time), was suddenly so bad he couldn’t remember his kids.

2. I started teaching full-time. I’d never had to present to this tough of an audience. Present to business leaders? No problem. Present to 19-22 year-old college students — Whew!!

3. I turned 60.

I found myself struggling to find a word I wanted. Once. Then another time. Then another. This combined with my father’s deterioration scared me badly, so I went in search of a solution. I found phosphatidylserine.

Research shows phosphatidylserine improves recall speed

There are a number of reputable studies indicating it can improve memory, especially for people showing declines (it won’t make a person with good memory into a super-memory star). Some research shows it works especially well in speed of recall.

I researched it extensively when I started taking it 11 years ago. When writing this chapter, I went to scholar.google.com and searched for phosphatidylserine and memory together. Here are just a few of the many scholarly articles you can read for yourself.

- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF03324139

- https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jcbn/47/3/47_10-62/_article/-char/ja/

- http://n.neurology.org/content/41/5/644.short

- https://www.karger.com/Article/Abstract/310330

- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2275342/

- http://www.nanotechnologystore.com/ (9)-Phosphatidylserine-Membrane-Nutrient-for-Memory.pdf

BTW, as you read the above, you’ll notice some studies try to combine phosphatidylserine with other substances. That’s because there’s no profit to be had for Big Pharma in researching substances you can’t patent. Phosphatidylserine can’t be patented, so some researchers look at it in combinations they could patent.

I started taking one pill (100 mg) a day 10 years ago. And my struggling to find a word went back to no more often than was always normal for me. About 5 years later, I was again searching for words, and I moved to 2 pills a day. At 70 years old, I started taking 3 a day (which is the normal recommended dose) and my recall/memory seems as good (now at 74) as when I was in my 40s and 50s.

One person’s results prove nothing, but combined with the research above — I’ll keep taking this supplement.

Warning about expensive supplements

If you’re considering it for yourself, you need to know this ingredient is expensive. That’s a problem in two different ways

1. Forking out the money for it, and

2. It means that supplement manufacturers (who are not regulated) have a strong financial incentive to NOT include as much of the substance as they claim. (Or even any of it!) Any really expensive ingredient in a supplement is likely to cause less reputable manufacturers to cheat you.

Some supplement makers sell phosphatidylcholine instead (it’s much cheaper) to improve brain function. And there are studies that show it works. But those studies aren’t as impressive as those for phosphatidylserine.

Update on phosphatidylserine

My source for the pills suddenly changed the look (and size) of the pills. The manufacturer swore there was no change even though the size has shrunk. After two weeks on them — my recall slipped badly. I was searching for a missing word 3-5 times a week.

I decided to join ConsumerLab.com . They have not tested phosphatidylserine themselves, but they referenced tests done by NowFoods — who tested 40+ brands all sold on amazon.com. NowFoods suspected fraud because many brands were selling it for well below manufacturer cost(!) You can read their report at https://www.nowfoods.com/now/nowledge/now-tests-other-brands-phosphatidyl-serine-finds-serious-issues . As a result, I switched to the NowFoods brand (it’s $32.49 for 120 caps @100 mg each) — and asked ConsumerLab to PLEASE do a test themselves.

As of November 1, 2020, I’ve been on the NowFoods brand for three weeks. In week two I twice had to search for a word and in week three I just had one incident. (See disclaimer at chapter end.)

Research says there are no noticeable side effects

If you read the studies above, you’ll find the research says there are no noticeable side effects. I have never felt a side effect from this — at the lower dose and now at the “recommended” dosage.

What about Ginkgo instead?

Ginkgo biloba is another supplement that is supposed to improve brain function. It works by expanding blood vessels. By letting more blood pass through, you theoretically improve brain function. However, it gives me bad headaches, so I avoid it. Did you know that aspirin and ibuprofen constrict blood vessels — which removes headaches? Given that, it is easy to see why ginkgo might give you headaches.

What about regular exercise instead?

There are a number of studies (search for “exercise” and “memory improvement” in scholar.google.com) showing the benefits of regular exercise. There are studies showing it works best for spacial memory, while other studies show it works for consolidation of information into long term memory. This is obviously the cheapest method of improving your memory, plus it carries added benefits of improving your overall health.

- http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2011/01/25/1015950108.short

- https://content.iospress.com/articles/journal-of-alzheimers-disease/jad091531

- https://shapeamerica.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02640410701591417#.Wpr-xmbMyu4

A study of 191 Swedish women conducted over 44 years (!) found that their level of fitness correlated to their likelihood of developing dementia. Here are how many of them developed dementia:

- 5% of High-fitness women

- 25% of Moderate-fitness women

- 32% of Low-fitness women

- 45% of Women so unfit they couldn’t finish the fitness test

After reading this study, I actually dusted off my treadmill and spent 30 minutes on it! You might also want to read the  Fitness vs. dementia article in Forbes )

Author Disclaimer — I’m not a medical doctor or a naturopath, so I can’t (and don’t!) recommend you take any supplement. I’m just giving you information I used to make my own personal choice. What you decide is up to you. I do promise you, however, that I have no reason of any kind (financial or personal) to promote any supplement. My only “relationship” with ConsumerLab or NowFoods is as a customer.

9

DOES YOUR DIET NEED TO CHANGE AS YOU AGE?

By Gloria Ginn

I went from a size 6 to a size 12 in less than two months, when I went through menopause – without changing a thing in my diet or exercise regime.

Did my diet need to change? Oh yes.

I couldn’t keep eating as I had been at 30 (all organic, whole foods, by the way) and be healthy at 50. I also couldn’t at 70 eat the way I did at 50 and maintain good health.

WTF? That was my sentiment. Here’s what I discovered:

Eat Less

The primary thing I needed to do was EAT LESS. Nobody wants to subtract things from their life. So much easier to add – “What supplement, what food can I add?” Not “What do I need to stop doing?”

Adding instead of subtracting: A friend of mine, who had also put on 20 pounds in midlife, had a very thorough workup from the professionals at her health club (not one of the cheap chains, but a higher-end place with doctors on staff). She discovered that with her metabolism as it was then, she could eat a maximum of 850 calories per day without gaining weight.

One small container of yogurt has 220-330 calories.

That was obviously not going to work. Even eating the most healthy foods possible, you can’t get enough good nutrition at 850 calories.

So she decided to exercise more to bring her metabolism up. She now spends an hour at the gym at least six days a week (during the Pandemic, she goes for daily long hikes instead). This has worked. She eats modestly, and doesn’t gain weight. And all that extra weight she gained at menopause is now gone. In her late 60s, she is as slim as she was at 30 – and a lot more fit.

It is easiest to lower the quantity of food by reducing portions just slightly and taking longer to eat a meal – chew slower, savor each bite, instead of gobbling it down.

Eat Differently

Foods that worked well for you at one age may not work for you now. Our bodies change, and with it the nutritional needs change.

In fact, when you over-do a particular food, your body may demand a break from it.

I ate oatmeal for breakfast for about ten years. (I’m one of those people who really like it.) Then my body did not want it anymore. So I switched to yogurt for another ten years. Then cottage cheese with grapefruit and flax seed. All of these were fine -- until they weren’t. What’s the deal? The body can actually develop a temporary allergy to foods you over-eat. And then you need to replace them for awhile.

I can eat oatmeal again, but I don’t do it daily.

I also found that I needed to change the type of food I ate. This is an individual thing – again one man’s meat is another man’s poison. After resisting Ayurvedic medicine for over 50 years, I finally broke down and took the Health Dynamics test.

With this test I discovered that the types of foods I was eating were wrong for my body type. For example, I should avoid sour foods, and rye, and hard cheeses. I was starting the day with grapefruit, drinking lemon water all day long, and eating sauerkraut (the good kind, made without vinegar) – but any kind was bad for me. Cheese on rye crackers. In other words, I was eating good foods, but the wrong ones for me.

I changed the diet, did a three day detox, and lost 10 pounds in the first week. The extra 20 pounds was largely inflammation caused by eating the wrong foods.

These foods worked for me 30 years ago. But they weren’t working now.

So yes, you may need to change your diet. To what, exactly? You will need to experiment to find out. Your body will tell you what works and what doesn’t. My body was screaming at me, but I didn’t hear it.

Detoxing, fasting lightly can help clear the field, so you can more easily discover what is best for you.

There are, however, a few basics that apply to ALL of us:

Foods You Need More of As You Age

Add: More leafy greens. Yes, you’ve heard it said over and over again. But if you don’t want to end up blind with macula degeneration, DO IT. It’s the one food that has been proven to be effective.

While you’re at it, walk a half hour a day at least five days a week. This has been proven to prevent or delay the onset of wet macula degeneration – the worst kind, the kind that literally blinds you. Daily walks are effective even for people who already have dry macula degeneration (the precursor to the wet type). The walks prevent or delay the progression of the disease.

Add: Butter / Ghee / Fish Oil. Without some animal fats, the body can’t convert the beta-carotene found in leafy greens (and carrots) into the vitamin A your eyes need. So add butter or ghee, or fish oil to your diet. You don’t need LOTS of it, just a little (1-2 tablespoons per day)

Add: Flax seed. This supports the thyroid. Because seeds and oils go rancid quickly, it is best to grind it fresh with a coffee grinder or blender. The ground seed will keep in the refrigerator for about a week.

Add: Seaweed or another mineral-rich food. Or use liquid minerals to be sure they absorb. Your body may not be assimilating the nutrients as well from pills as it used to, so switching to liquid supplements is a good idea.

Add: Vitamins C, D3 and E

Add: More lightly cooked vegetables, and fewer raw ones. It takes a lot more work to digest raw foods, and you may not be able to get the nutrition you need from them.

Add: Water. Yes, drink water. So many people as they age drink LESS water, when they really need more. For more info, read Your Body's Many Cries for Water: You Are Not Sick, You Are Thirsty: Don't Treat Thirst With Medications, by F. Batmanghelidj, M.D.

Foods You Need Less of As You Age

Subtract: Refined sugar and starches. You don’t need this at any age, but you can get away with eating it when you are younger. If your metabolism can only handle 1000 calories per day, you can’t afford ANY empty ones. Sugar gives you calories but no nutrition. Instead, it interferes with many essential body functions. For more info, read Sugar Blues by William Dufty, or one of the many other great books on this subject.

Subtract: Coffee. It restricts the blood vessels and removes water from your body. You need the best circulation you can get – and you need lubrication in your joints. Coffee interferes with these.

Subtract: Sodas. They are full of sugar and/or harmful chemicals and give your body no nutrition.

Subtract: Aspartame – the sweetener found in diet colas and many other “diet” foods. Aspartame can interfere with brain function. This is a serious one. Google it for more info.

Fast Regularly to Help your Diet

Give your body a break from food. It has a lot of catching up to do, and undigested food causes inflammation, which lowers the immune system and floods your blood with toxins – which cause a host of degenerative conditions.

The easiest way to fast DAILY is to stop eating after 6:00 pm, and don’t eat again until at least 6:00 am – or 8:00 am if you can. This all by itself can help your body recover and replace damaged cells.

I have found adding a 24 hour fast once a week to be extremely helpful. I used to do this, when I was in my 30s. But I gradually got away from it (we really don’t like to subtract food from our lives!). At 70 I took a good look at my body and decided I needed to make some drastic changes. I changed certain things in my diet and starting fasting 24 hours once a week. The first week alone I lost 10 pounds. Even more important, I now feel full of energy, lighter, and more alert.

So listen — to your body!

About the Author:

As the founder of the School of Better Eyesight (in 1978), Gloria Ginn has always been interested in health. When she became nearsighted in college, instead of going to glasses, she learned how to improve her vision, and later how to help others do the same. She also became a master practitioner of the healing modality Jin Shin Jyutsu, and teaches self-help classes in that. She is a lifelong student of diet and health. Find her at  School of Better Eyesight .

This article is copyright 2020 by Gloria Ginn.

10

HATE EXERCISE? MOTIVATION “TRICKS” THAT ACTUALLY WORK!

YES, we all know we should be exercising. Study after study tells us exercise will protect our hearts and our brains. It’s shown to prevent/delay dementia, diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, and (it seems) almost anything else that could befall us.

So why did I spend the last 5 months not exercising at all? It’s not inconvenient. I have a treadmill, weights, a mini-trampoline, and even a karate punching/kicking bag. They’re in my basement den, and I passed them every time I went to and from my car in the garage.

And yet… there they stood. Ignored.

Perhaps you’re doing the same?

It took my sister to show me an answer that, frankly, embarrasses me. (You can always depend on a sister to show you uncomfortable truths!) She got me to read The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, which shows you which of four personality tendencies you have. I was strongly the “rebel” personality. According to the book, Rebels don’t want to do ANYTHING they are told to. Even if (gulp!) the person telling you to do something is yourself! Surely I couldn’t be that pigheaded? But… maybe so, because understanding this STILL did not change my behavior!

How to motivate yourself!

My turnaround came from reading a book called Age in Place , by Lynda G. Shrager. It’s all about making your home and life more capable for aging at home instead of in an institution. A good premise and a good book.  But I stupidly read it right before sleep and had a terrible nightmare from it — all about being helpless.

The book tells how to make accommodations for when you’re so feeble you can hardly do anything — including get to a toilet they recommend you place right next to your bed(!) It scared the heck out of me because by not exercising I was advancing the time when I’d be that feeble. THAT got me on the treadmill and I’m still exercising two weeks later. In fact, if I start slacking off again, I plan to re-read the book(!)

More ideas to motivate us

I also asked others what they do to motivate themselves and got some excellent ideas.

- Work the farm/yard : Get an old farm that needs work. Or start a big DIY landscape project.  One friend always loved horses, so she got four of them. Now she’s lifting bales of hay and shoveling horse manure and even occasionally riding her horses.

- Listen to recorded books : This is a great idea, but don’t sabotaged yourself by listening to recorded mysteries in your car. Once you do that, you’ll be driving long trips to a farther away Starbucks just to hear what happens next (trust me, I know!). ONLY listen when you’re walking. One friend said, “I go on long walks and listen to audible books on my iPhone. Right now I cannot wait to take a break and go for a walk in the park.”

- Get to the gym before you wake up : One friend likes to roll out of bed and head for the gym before she does ANYTHING except pee. She says she loves completing her workout before she realizes she’s awake(!)

- Shame yourself into 5 minutes a day : One friend picked one 5-minute routine she could do at home and told herself she could SURELY manage to do 5 minutes a day. After two months, she gradually expanded to doing more. But first she wanted to set in stone the routine of exercising every day. This is a great idea, unless you’re a “rebel” by tendencies(!)

- Make it a competition : A niece told me she responds best to competition. She took cardio kickboxing and she really pushed herself because she wanted to be best in the class. This also works great in sports, IF you can find someone relatively close to you in skill. I found this once in tennis, and later in life in racquetball. Going to exercise was easy when I was competing against someone close in skill and we both tried our hardest to win. It will put you in great shape and feel like fun instead of work.

- Pair it with something else: I’m now on the treadmill 6 nights a week, while watching NY Mets games. I never tried it before because “expert opinion” is to never exercise at night or you won’t be able to sleep. I’m exercising at 7 PM and sleeping like a baby. So test “conventional wisdom” for yourself!

- Make it social : Speaking of tendencies, some of us just like to be with other people. So find friends who will join you in walks or other forms of exercise. If your current friends won’t, add some new friends to your life. They’ll motivate you because you’ll let them down if you don’t show up.

Just one final warning: Once you retire — you absolutely must have some method of getting yourself to exercise. You’ll lose all the exercise of just getting to work and dealing with a workday. Your health will start to spiral down if you don’t find something and stick to it!

11

EXERCISE AT 60+ — BEWARE PERSONAL TRAINERS

YES, we need to exercise(!) Yes, it's shown to help prevent/delay Alzheimer's, strokes, heart attacks, and pretty much any other body ill except, maybe, toe fungus.

Yes, people who moved to 10,000 steps a day were found 46% less likely to die in the next 10 years than those who stay sedentary.

But... what does that mean for your body and your health? There are 80-year-olds running marathons. And others who can't walk across the room. So what's possible -- and what's reasonable to expect?

What kind of exercise is most valuable as we age?

The best exercise program is ALWAYS one we will stick with. Programs don't do us any good if they're only on paper or in our heads.

Beyond that, Silver Sneakers recommends we "focus on workouts designed to help you build strength, stay mobile, and improve balance."

- Strength: If you haven't checked recently, you will be shocked at how quickly we can lose strength. I do four different arm exercises every couple of days with weights -- so I felt pretty smug about arm strength. Then a friend challenged me to push-ups and I was shocked to discover I could barely do five. So that's now been added to my program(!)

- Mobility: Use it or lose it -- if you don't get out and about and moving, then pretty soon you won't be able to. Sink into that couch and you're setting yourself up for not being able to pee when you want. You'll have to wait on the convenience of a caregiver to walk you into the bathroom.

- Balance: This was never a problem in our youth, but it can become a big one as we age. Give yourself a test right now. How long can you stand on one leg without any support? Balance is critical in preventing falls -- and a fall is one of the worst things that can happen to an otherwise healthy senior. A broken leg is often the start of the end as the long heal time causes our other muscles to waste away, we gain weight, and -- often -- we die within a year. How do you protect yourself? You can stand on one leg at a time and, for an advanced move, swing your other leg. This can be done while watching TV.  Tai Chi also works well (and isn't as boring!). Find a set of movements you like that include you being on one leg at a time.

Respect your body's weaknesses(!)

You probably won't reach 60 without some body part that no longer reacts as it did when you were young. The question is how well can you compensate for it?

Knees are a particular problem -- they are a likely weakness as we age and they are used in the most number of exercise programs. To compensate, there are wonderful braces from simple sleeves on up to metal-reinforced braces. I swear by BackOnTrack.com (Disclosure: I have NO relationship with them other than as a customer) and their knee, wrist and ankle braces. These sleeves create a far-infrared thermal effect that for me removes the pain from a barking joint after wearing it for a couple of days. I also wear the knee sleeves as a preventative measure on the treadmill.

When considering an exercise plan, you can either:

1. Find a way to protect/ease your body weakness(es)

- Using a brace or sleeve

- Use a pain-alleviating rub (e.g., CBC or cannabis oil)

2. Find an exercise program that doesn't exacerbate your body weakness(es).

- Swimming is recommended as easiest on older joints -- but it doesn't strengthen your bones like most other exercise programs do. Silver Sneakers recommends swimming as well as yoga and pilates.

- If your bones are too fragile for jumping or running, ask a doctor for exercises you can safely do to strengthen them.

Warning about your ramp-up time!

Be very careful when you increase your workouts. Whether adding on something new, just more reps, or starting from scratch. Unlike when we were younger -- we need to add new (or more) exercises very carefully. Start slow. Add in smaller increments.

And... don't listen to personal trainers who tell you what to do. Most don't have a clue about senior physiology. I and several of my friends found ourselves in real pain and unable to exercise for 1-3 months following the well-meaning but incompetent advice of trainers. Even physical therapy trainers who should know better.

One friend with a personal trainer must remind him every time he suggests a new movement: "Yes, I CAN do more than a couple reps of this, but I WON'T -- because if I do it now then tomorrow I'll be in serious pain that could take months to go away."

I wish I'd been as smart as her when I saw a P.T. (physical therapist) for an arm problem. He had me lean my left hand against a desk, then move my right arm (holding a light weight) backwards, then back. I did 10 reps twice and it was extremely easy. No pain. I didn't notice -- and neither did the P.T. -- that the position put my neck in a slightly awkward position. (Something that wouldn’t have mattered if I was in my 30’s. Nor would it have mattered if I only did 6 reps instead of 20.)

Two days later I couldn't move my neck without blinding pain. Ice packs. Heat pads. A trip back to the P.T.  Nothing worked and I walked around in absolute agony for almost two weeks before it eased off.

Yes, increase what you're doing. But do it incrementally -- even if it seems easy. It will not only keep you going -- without pain - - but it's more rewarding. Each exercise session could add one more rep. Or, if that's too fast, add another rep (or pounds to the weights) each week.

You'll get lots and lots of reinforcement from your frequent small victories. And you won't be laid up in pain for two months(!)

12

BIG PHARMA HORRORS: MELTDOWN MONDAY

(The scene below may well happen to you and to me

— if we don’t fix the U.S. drug-pricing problem)

By Ronni Bennett

I felt it building and then it hit me hard. Suddenly I couldn't think straight, my mind skipping from one unfinished thought to the next, to the next, to the next and me unable to stop them or even make sense of them.

At the same time I knew I was out of control but I didn't know how to calm down and articulate what was wrong. It felt too complicated to explain and the words wouldn't come. All I knew for sure was that I wanted it all to stop and the problem to be made right.

In the three years since my first diagnosis, I had never reacted to anything this badly. You say I've got pancreatic cancer? Oh good, I can stop my despised daily workout routine.

You say I might live longer if you slice me open all the way down the front of my body and take out a bunch of my organs? Well, okay, let's try it.

Now you say I've got COPD too? Oh, for god's sake. Well, tell me how to deal with it and let's move on.

It's not that I took any of these events anywhere near lightly – only that I am good at identifying what cannot be changed, sorting out options and getting on with the more interesting parts of life.

But not this time, and for something that should have been so much simpler than those real-life examples above.

There I was at the table in my dining room mid-morning on Monday, full of frustration, salty tears running down my face while stuttering out unrelated words and phrases to my hospice nurse on the other side of the table.

I will spare you the most boring details and just say that the discount on the gigantic co-pay for a drug I need and cannot otherwise afford, is expiring in August. I was able to get the discount a year ago due to the kind intervention of a pharmacist.

When, on Monday, my nurse called the pharmacy to discuss renewal of the discount, the person on the telephone insisted that the pharmacy had taken no part in the original arrangement for the discount, that it could have happened only if I had personally spoken with my Medicare Part D provider.

That's just not true. I was there. I know what happened.

My nurse's further call to a physician only complicated the issue and nothing was resolved.

Now that I'm back to my normal, uncrazed self, I think I know what really set off my meltdown. It was the lie from the person at the pharmacy, a lie she repeated at least once and maybe twice, word for word. The certainty in her voice was infuriating and unnerving. (Remind you of anyone?)

When you know for sure, when you can see with your own eyes that the sky is blue and someone insists it is red, your mind can splinter. Or go numb. Or, if you are an old woman like me who needs a specific drug to breathe, you just lose it. Or, at least, I did.

There was a time – for most of my adult life - when I had a talent for sorting out malfunctions, getting past petty bureaucrats and charming intransigent helpers into fixing a problem. I took some pride in being able to do those things.

Now I'm old. I'm tired. Sometimes my body hurts in various places. I lack the patience I once had for cajoling people into doing what they are paid to do. And after my Monday meltdown, I lost the rest of the day, exhausted from the frustration and the anxiety.

Eventually this will work out but there is a larger issue: it's not nice to treat an old woman this way, and I don't mean just me. I'm not unique – if it happens to me, it happens to thousands of other people. It shouldn't be this hard to talk over a prescription problem and track down the right person to help deal with it.

And many of all those other people stuck in a communication snake pit don't have a nurse as dedicated as mine.

UPDATE: Monday afternoon, that nurse spent two hours of her own time on many phone calls tracking down someone who understood the problem and could deal with it. She phoned me Monday evening to let me know that I should hear within three days whether I have been approved for a continued discount.

At 9AM Tuesday, I received the approval via a telephone message from the Part D insurer. My relief knows no bounds and I am deeply impressed with my nurse on several levels. The terrible thing is that in our new coronavirus world I cannot hug her.

About the Author:

For 17+ years, Ronnie Bennett authored the definitive blog on aging — Time Goes By. Based on demand from her followers, she arranged for the blog to remain online for 5 years after she dies, which sadly happened October 30, 2020. It is strongly recommended you check it out before it disappears. The blog is intriguing, thought-provoking, funny, and brutally honest — about living as a senior and in the latter issues about living when you’ve been told you have less than 6 months to live. And it covers her plans for suicide — under her state’s Death with Dignity laws.

This blog posting is Copyright 2020 by Ronni Bennett. You can see it and her other — excellent — content at Time Goes By ( https://www.timegoesby.net/ ).

13

DRUG SIDE EFFECTS — SUDDENLY SCHIZOPHRENIC

HAVE you ever feared you might go insane? Perhaps you had a relative it happened to? Perhaps you worried about genetics?

In my case, it was an aunt of mine. I’ll call her Helga. When I was young, we’d see her for family holidays. She was fine then, married to a man she adored. She was an artist, a good one, who sold her paintings and taught art students on the side. I was impressed because she had a career at a time when that was extremely unusual.

Then I grew up and moved east and didn’t see her for almost three decades. Some time after her husband died in 1985, Helga became paranoid. She started thinking the neighbors were talking about her. Soon she was convinced they were shooting at her.

By the time I saw her again, 10 years later, Helga believed she was under constant attack by a “them” she never saw. She had bedtime rituals, e.g. wrapping towels around her head and setting up tin foil, to try to protect herself enough to get at least a tiny bit of sleep. Her neighbors in the senior apartment where she lived the last 10 years of her life reported middle- of-the-night screams from her. She lived with this mental agony for 15 years.

My mother died a few years after Helga, and when I was clearing out mom’s house — I found a big stack of journals written by Helga. From 1937 – 1997, she wrote down her thoughts. I read them because I wanted to see how it happened. How mental illness slowly moved into her mind. Perhaps I wanted to find early warning signs so I could watch out for them in myself.

Instead I found the most amazing thing: Helga was sane until age 78, then suddenly she wasn’t.

What you may not know about schizophrenia

Your risk of getting schizophrenia increases based on how many family members have it and how close (genetically) they are to you. For example, a niece of someone who has it has a 4% chance of getting it herself . (Gulp!) If a sibling has it, your risk is 9%, while if it’s one of your parents your risk is 13%.

However… the good news for readers of this book is your risk factor(s) may not matter much if you’re already 55+ and haven’t experienced it. Your risk at this age is very close to zero.

The average age of onset for schizophrenia is 18 in men and 25 in women . According to Schizophrenia.com, “Schizophrenia onset is quite rare for people over 40 years of age.” If you look at their chart of onset by age , you will see it is almost impossible for a 78-year-old woman to suddenly get it.

Sadness at her husband’s death started a parade of prescriptions

From 1937 until March 1985, Helga’s journals covered her happiness in the small pleasures of life. She wrote about food, her painting, her students, TV programs she liked, and especially her family.

Her beloved husband died in March 1985, so for the next several months she occasionally mentioned crying herself to sleep at night from missing him. It also signaled a new problem with money. She found herself with debts as well as a social security income that was reduced to $388/month (all she had to live on). She sold the car, which left her even more socially isolated. When her color TV broke, she made do with her old B&W one.

I doubt anyone would be surprised that she began complaining of headaches, some dizziness, and heart pain. But these problems surprised her. She started seeing a doctor and had a stress test to check her heart. The results were fine, but the headaches and heart pain continued.

Starting the middle of 1985, there are diary entries about her drug prescriptions. After years of never mentioning more than an aspirin, she was soon regularly taking:

- Nitroglycerin capsules (for angina). Side effects, per WebMD , include headaches and dizziness.

- Theo-Dur (for asthma or COPD(?!). Side effects, per WebMD, include headache, trouble sleeping, irritability, restlessness, nervousness and shaking.

- Isosorbide Mononitrate (for angina). Side effects, per WebMD, include headache, dizziness, and lightheadedness.

- Triaminic (for sinus pain and bronchitis!?). Side effects, per WebMD, include trouble sleeping, dizziness, headache, and nervousness. “Serious” side effects for this drug include fast/irregular/pounding heartbeat and mental/mood changes (such as confusion, hallucinations, nervousness).

Did these drugs cause her mental anguish?

A 78-year-old woman, in distress from losing her soulmate/husband, started taking these four medications that were prescribed for her by a physician. Taking these medications did NOT alleviate the headaches and chest pain for which she was taking them. Yet the doctor did not suggest she quit them.

At the end of 1985, her journal entries still reflected the person she had always been, but with additional reporting of these symptoms and her faithful taking of these medications.

Unfortunately, there are no journals from December 1985 until January 1990. Below are two typical journal entries from 1990:

“February 13 1990 – 1 PM

“Was working on my expenses when I felt the “tip-toeing pain” on my head but ignored it. Getting stronger and as they got to a particular place on my head I lost consciousness — came to with a jerk before I dropped to the floor off of my chair! My God — can they be trying to kill me? Why? They think I’m so smart that I may catch on to how and why they are doing this? Yes, they are trying to.”

“March 6th, 1990 – 11:50 PM

“I guess they want me to call the police again so they can say, “nutty old lady.” The reason I phoned them on Monday evening — I was awakened in the middle of the night with a new loud bang. I came off that bed and out here thinking someone tried a window or banged on the side of the house. Decided to phone the police and let them check it out which they did and said everything was OK. So now I don’t dare phone them again and they know it so they can do anything to me!! So be it — no-one wants to believe I am being tortured with these various things because then they would have an obligation to rescue me so they pretend I am making them up.”

If you’re questioning whether dementia might play a part in this story, I would disagree. And so did her doctors. Helga was all mentally there. It’s just that in the middle of a wonderful conversation, she would suddenly mention how “they” tried to get her the previous night and what she had done to try to protect herself. Then she’d be right back to “normal” conversation.

3 Takeaways from this terrible story

1. I can’t prove it was the medications, but it seems to me the most likely answer. Note: I may be biased about the drugs as an answer, after watching my practicing-attorney father start chasing imaginary butterflies within a week of being given a drug to "calm him" at a nursing home where he was supposed to recover. (See Chapter 15: “Never Go Into A Nursing Home to Recover -- You may never escape!”)

2. Hopefully today a physician would be more alert to side effects to medications prescribed.

3. If you or a loved one (especially of senior-citizen status) starts seeing things that aren't there -- please check all the medications you/they are taking.

My biggest regret is that I didn't know the changes in her were so unlikely, nor did I think to question it. Mother, who spent a life looking up to her big sister, wasn't any better at helping her than I was. Mother seemed to think she could talk her out of it. "There weren't REALLY any people in your room last night, were there? How could they have gotten in?”

Maybe if mental illness wasn't something you hid under the rug (as it was in those days). Maybe if we were better educated about it. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I'm just left with a lot of regrets. And anger — that doctors who prescribed a bunch of drugs to an older woman — which did NOT help her original symptoms:

1. Kept her on the obviously ineffective drugs, and

2. Never questioned them when she became mentally deranged.

14

DEMAND THESE IN A HOSPITAL STAY…

OR YOU’LL BE BACK WITHIN 30 DAYS!

ACCORDING to the New England Journal of Medicine , 20% of all medicare patients who experience a hospital stay will find themselves right back in the hospital within 30 days. And it won’t be because of your original health problem. That’s 2.6 million of us a year(!)

About 64-71% of readmitted seniors are back in for something new — commonly including a wide range of problems such as “heart failure, pneumonia, COPD, infection, gastrointestinal conditions, mental illness, metabolic derangements, and trauma.”

Doctors are recognizing that the hospital experience itself is making you sick, and are calling it Post-Hospital Syndrome.

The health problems from this syndrome are ADDITIONAL to infections you pick up in a hospital — over 100,000 people a year die from an infection they picked up in a health facility. The number of us who are made sick but who don’t die must be much, much higher.

What causes Post-Hospital Syndrome?

It’s no secret that stress causes us to succumb to illnesses we could have fought off without the stress. And checking into a hospital is one of the most stressful things we do. Yet, despite some caring healthcare staff, hospitals seem to go out of their way to INCREASE our stress, through:

Disrupting our sleep

- Is it really necessary to wake us up in the middle of the night to do ANYTHING?

- Hospital hesitancy to fully treat pain — especially for seniors — can also disrupt sleep

- Patients are leaving hospitals with the symptoms of “jet lag” due to sleep deprivation!

Dosing us with drugs that can affect our balance and our brains

- Among others, sedatives are commonly prescribed during hospital stays — and often continued once someone goes home.

Keeping us in bed — which “deconditions” our muscles even after just a few days

- The result can be post-hospital accidents and falls

- For liability purposes, strolling down the hallway during your stay would probably require an aide walking with you to protect you against falls. Hospital costs would rise (more aides required), but more patients could successfully go home without quickly returning with a broken bone from a fall.

Not feeding us or feeding us unappetizing food we won’t eat

- 20% of seniors 65+ receive less than half of their “maintenance energy requirements” during their hospital stay.

- The list of problems that arise from malnutrition is rather stunning, and includes heart, lung, wound healing and digestive issues among many others.

What can we do?

Here are two ideas that could help.

1. Contact your local hospital’s CEO and/or Advisory Board. Send them a copy of the New England Journal of Medicine article (search their site for “post hospital syndrome.” Ask them what steps they are taking to protect their patients from these problems. This can help your local hospital improve BEFORE you might need to use their services.

2. Stay out of a hospital if at all possible. If you have to be in one — get out as soon as you (safely!) can.

PART IV

LEGAL

Aging, at least in the U.S., exposes us to several legal dangers. The two biggest are:

Being declared incompetent

You will see a lot of articles/posts/TV spots on how to protect yourself WHEN you become incompetent(!) — by letting other people have legal control over you.

You’ll be lucky to find anything on how to protect yourself — EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE PERFECTLY COMPETENT — from others who want to grab legal control over you.

Those others may be crooks who want to steal from you. There are true horror stories of people in collusion with a judge and doctor who get competent seniors declared incompetent through Emergency Powers of Attorney — and the conspirators then move the seniors to inferior housing, sell their homes, steal all their money as “fees” and split the proceeds. Know that once you are declared incompetent, it is almost impossible to get it reversed.

You may also find your independence attacked by do-gooders — who don’t recognize they are ageist — who really believe you should be put in a home “for your own good.” And there are plenty of ageist judges in their corners who will agree and take away your freedom.

Being in an institution — where your legal rights disappear

The other key legal problem happens the minute you are put into a nursing home for any reason. Even if it’s just to recover from an operation. Once in that home, you lose the right to control what medications you are given. These homes can give medications to “pacify” their residents. Many doctors are getting paid by these homes — and won’t go against any medications the homes say they require. And good luck trying to then switch your doctor(!) Even if you have a spouse refuse these medications for you — it doesn’t matter.

Read on for the details — and what you can do to protect yourself.

15

NEVER GO INTO A NURSING HOME TO RECOVER — YOU MAY NEVER ESCAPE

THERE IS a lot written about nursing homes involuntarily discharging “difficult” residents. But nobody seems to be writing about the opposite problem!

My father was admitted to a nursing home (rated best in the area) for “therapy” after a week in the hospital. The nursing home (and his complicit doctor) both turned a functioning attorney into a blithering idiot who saw butterflies buzzing around him. And they threatened his wife when she tried to get him discharged.

It all seemed simple enough at the start. My 90-year-old father was still a functioning attorney, taking a case here and there, driving himself everywhere, golfing and taking lunches with district attorneys and judges. Then he was rushed to the hospital with a staph infection in his spine which burst a disk in his back and paralyzed him from the waist down. He was stable after a week in the hospital, so they discharged him to a nursing home for therapy.

At the nursing home, lazy (or overworked) aides didn’t want to take the time to use a lift when moving him from chair to bed — despite having several lifts lining one hallway. Instead they used the “buddy system” to lift him. This pinched dad’s ribs which were especially tender because the infection had spread to his rib cage. As a result, he would scream out in pain whenever they picked him up.

Did this cause them to use one of the readily available lifts? Heck no. They kept lifting him under the arms and pinching his rib cage; and dad kept screaming and eventually fighting back when they hurt him. BTW, once his wife got him safely home, she rented that apparatus and was easily able to pick him up with it by herself (it has gears) and move him comfortably from bed to chair and back.

Forced drugging by the nursing home

Deciding dad was a “difficult” patient, the nursing home then got his doctor to agree they could dose him with Seroquel, to make him more “manageable.” There were three main problems with this:

- If they would have moved him the correct way, he wouldn’t have been “difficult”

- The drug carries clear warnings about seniors being more sensitive to the side effects

- The drug made him nuts

Overnight my father changed from a functioning attorney to incompetent and mentally deranged.

Seeing this mental deterioration, dad’s wife tried to get the nursing home and the doctor to stop this drug. They both refused. The nursing home refused because dad was more “manageable” with it — yes, he was off his rocker but he was also compliant. Guess which they cared most about!

The doctor refused because the nursing home told him they couldn’t “handle” dad without it. And the doctor assumed dad would soon be dead anyway at his age. (Yes, the doctor later verified this by stating how shocked he was that dad recovered once his wife got him out of the nursing home.)

Tough luck if you want to switch doctors!

“Dump the doctor and get a better one,” was my naive advice. I soon learned that other physicians in this smallish town wouldn’t take on a new patient where the family wanted to countermand the orders of his current physician.

Before continuing this story, let’s take a moment to wonder where the hell patient rights are when a doctor and nursing home can forcibly drug a patient despite the stated wishes of that patient’s wife. If dad had lived alone, he would have stayed in that nursing home, drugged against his wishes, his craziness entertaining the nursing home staff, until he died.

More drug problems at the nursing home

In addition to making dad crazy with Seroquel, they also arbitrarily started giving him Ativan shots which were bad for his heart (especially paired with Seroquel) and which caused his feet and legs to swell. They refused to stop this drug as well.

Equally bad, they didn’t bother to give him medicines that he was taking before he entered the home — which he desperately needed. Dad’s wife found out they “forgot” for 6 weeks to give him Alfuzosin and Finasteride — both of which he needed for his prostate.  She found out when she forced (against the home’s wishes) an appointment with dad’s urologist — who hit the roof over this negligence.

You can go into a nursing home — but you can’t get out!

Realizing her only chance to save my father was to get him out of that home and away from their forced drugging, dad’s wife tried to check him out. But the nursing home was getting nice insurance checks for dad’s stay, and didn’t want to let him go. In fact, they were able to keep him there, against the wishes of dad and his wife, for three months — not coincidently the exact length of stay dad’s insurance paid for.

They told dad’s wife if she checked dad out and he then died, they would have to report her to the authorities. That it would be elder abuse that led to death. That she would go to jail for this. Dad’s condition at this point was so bad that everyone expected him to die soon, so this was a very serious threat.

Thank god for a patient advocate

Dad’s wife was finally able to see a patient advocate who ordered the doctor and nursing home to stop the Seroquel and the Ativan. (The doctor showed his annoyance by taking two full weeks before signing the order to stop those 2 drugs!) Once dad was “sane” again, he was able to go to physical therapy and prepare for going home.

Once home, with his wife’s help, dad was eventually able to stand up again, then walk with a walker. He could walk to the kitchen for food and walk to the bathroom. He was able to go out and visit with friends. He was even able to play golf again. But his mild case of dementia quickly grew. How much that was the result of his forced drugging, we will never know. It certainly could not have helped!

Dad lived another four years, two of them very good.

What should YOU do?

My mother told my sister and I that if the choice was to put her in a nursing home or dump her by the side of the road — we were to dump her by the side of the road. She made us promise. And she repeated it each time we visited with her. Mother had died before all this happened to dad, but it looks like she knew what she was talking about.

My Living Will instructions include this statement: “It is my desire to NOT be placed in a nursing facility or extended nursing facility. I do NOT grant my Agent or physician the ability to do so under any circumstances. My desire in this regard is so strong that if it were a choice between a nursing facility and leaving me by the side of the road, I would wish my Agent to leave me beside the road.

You may feel very differently. Some people like others to “take care” of them. Some people think all doctors know best — and would want to do whatever their doctor advises.

What’s important is that the choice is YOURS. Think hard about what should go in your living will (and DO have one!).

16

ARE THE MEN IN WHITE COATS COMING FOR YOU?

By Vallerina F. Day

If you, like me, grew up watching movies where people were plotting to put away Aunt Sallie or Grampa Bob to get to her or his money; then as we get older and turn into Aunt Sallie or Grampa Bob, perhaps we harbor a certain paranoia.

Will the men in white suits knock on the door and whisk us away, kicking and screaming, to the looney bin because a greedy son or daughter (or spouse, for that matter), has accused us of losing our marbles?

Every state’s requirements and procedures for adult guardianship were, and are, different. A study and the resulting articles published by the Associated Press in 1987, found widespread problems in almost every state studied. The problems included brief evaluations by doctors not trained to assess capacity, lack of due process protections, poor representation on behalf of proposed wards, and the inability of courts to monitor existing guardianships, among other things.(1)

Happily, there have been many changes for the better in the guardianship system since the time when we were watching those old movies. In 1997, the National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws finalized a Uniform Guardianship and Protective Procedures Act (UGGPA)(2). The UGGPA addressed concerns about greater protection for the proposed ward’s liberty interests and right to self-determination, along with the need for zealous legal representation on behalf of the proposed ward. Although not all states have adopted all of the standards of the UGGPA, some have, and many have revised their guardianship procedures in accordance with them.

What can you do to protect yourself?

First, you can find and start a relationship with a lawyer in your area who practices in the area of “elder law”. The State Bar of your state can usually refer you to lawyers in your area who hold themselves out as “elder law” lawyers. Or contact the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys at www.naela.org/. This lawyer should clearly understand your desires.

There may be times when you are incapacitated for a period of time because of illness or injury. You may designate your own advocate (someone you really trust and who agrees to this big responsibility) in a Living Will or other legal document. You can give this person the authority to make all health, including life or death, decisions in your stead, but following guidelines you have provided in the document. You can decide ahead of time if you want all possible life saving measures or, in certain circumstances, you want someone to “pull the plug.”

What if you develop mental deficits caused by dementia or other disease, without physical incapacity? You can also address this in advance with a Durable Power of Attorney (“DPOA”) which designates someone you really trust to take control of your person and/or property in case it is decided that you cannot manage yourself.

You can put limitations on when the DPOA becomes effective, such as not until a court has certified that you are unable to manage yourself and/or your property. You can revoke this DPOA at any time in writing. You can also relieve your designated guardian of having to post a bond, if you really, really trust them. Being a responsible guardian is work, and you can sweeten the pot by indicating to your chosen person that guardians typically make a small commission if they are put in charge of your money. Be sure your lawyer and the guardian-nominee have copies of this document.

Investigate the procedure for obtaining an adult guardianship in your area. Find out if the person filing the request must provide a guardianship plan, to include how the proposed ward will be taken care of, where they will live, and whether there are Less Restrictive Alternatives (LRA’s”) which will address some of the ward’s deficits. Ask if the court must consider these LRA’s before issuing an order of guardianship. Find out the conditions under which the court will appoint an attorney to represent the interests of the proposed ward if the ward cannot afford to hire one. If the court grants guardianship of the ward’s property (alone or in addition to his person), does the court routinely require the guardian to obtain a bond to protect against theft of the ward’s property or can the proposed ward or his/her attorney request one? Or waive one?

Each situation is unique and there are many considerations which have not been addressed herein. If you are at all worried, be proactive. Investigate your courts and begin a relationship with a lawyer with whom you share your special wants and needs. That lawyer can help you with your Living Will and any Powers of Attorney you may wish to make. Having these documents in your and your attorney’s hands will go a long way toward squashing that old fear of the Men in the White Suits.

About the Author:

Vallerina F. Day is a retired attorney and judge.

(1) Guardians of the Elderly: A Failing System,

Associated Press, 1987

(2) Uniform Guardianship and Protective Procedures

Act, 8A U.L.A. 137 (Supp. 2001)

17

“POWERS OF ATTORNEY” ARE DANGEROUS — BOTH ASSIGNING ONE AND NOT

IF YOU’RE a fan of Jane Bryant Quinn, as I am, you’ve probably read some of her finance columns in the AARP Bulletin  — and learned from them. However, every once in awhile, I find myself wanting to scream at her.

Writing for the AARP Bulletin , Quinn published a column about giving someone your power of attorney (POA). It’s a nice, long column . But she takes none of that length to mention drawbacks to giving someone a POA. Instead, she assumes giving someone a power of attorney is ALWAYS a good thing.

She admits, about 8/10s of the way through the column that “An estimated 55 percent of elder financial abuse is committed by family members, caregivers and friends, some with POAs.” But that’s the only negative mention of them in the whole column.

And… she follows that up with recommending you not only grant someone a POA, but you also take them to your bank and add them to all your bank accounts. Huh?? Really??

And she concludes with “Please get one!”

Why NOT to give someone your Power of Attorney

Potential for abuse :

How did giving her son her POA work out for socialite Brooke Astor? Reports are she “lived her final years mostly on a urine-soaked couch in her drafty Park Avenue apartment.” Her son used the POA to write himself huge, frequent checks, sell off masterpiece works of art right off the walls, and convince Brooke she was running out of money and therefore had to ask permission to buy anything she wanted. It was only after her death that he (along with Brooke’s estate lawyer who enabled the theft) was finally convicted of stealing from and financially abusing her.

Temptation:

I can’t remember where I read this, but it has always stuck with me. It said there’s a small percentage of people (around 10%) who are crooks at heart. They will actively investigate ways to scam people and they will cheat and lie even when it’s easier not to.

Then there’s a larger group (maybe 20-25%) who will steal only if the opportunity is right in front of them. Especially if that theft opportunity stays right there, in front of them, beckoning. Giving someone — anyone — your POA provides that temptation.

Why you SHOULD give a POA

I must admit to Jane that there are also a couple of very good reasons why you SHOULD give someone a POA:

1. If you do become mentally incapacitated, and have not given a POA, a court can decide for you who should be in charge of your finances (and thus, really, of yourself). Hopefully, someone you choose would be more attentive to your needs than a stranger.

2. Having a POA in place can prevent a scam artist such as April Parks from paying off a doctor and a judge to get an “emergency” POA issued on a bunch of people she didn’t even know. Those emergency POAs gave her access to (and the ability to steal from) the funds of a large number of seniors. And those seniors found they were helpless to prevent or reverse it.

- Here are 2 links about this emergency POA scam — PLEASE read at least one of them to protect yourself. (Or go to the magazine sites and search for “April Parks” & POA.)

- New Yorker article — they broke the story, but you may not be able to read it without subscribing.

- Forbes article — will give you the gist of the scam.

Another reason Quinn annoys

Jane also writes columns for AARP that talk about how we should choose an assisted living option before we’re too mentally demented to know we need one. (OK, she doesn’t phrase it quite like that, but that is the gist.)

Bottom line

I guess the bottom line for me is I don’t want to live in the world she describes. A world where we will all get dementia and need someone else to make our decisions for us.

I don’t want to live there, and I refuse to believe I must. Maybe I’m just in denial(!?) But… dementia is NOT the future most of us face. In fact, our chances of getting it — even if we survive into our 90s — is just 25%.  And that 25% counts even MILD forms of dementia.

That means more than 75% of us do NOT technically need a POA (except to prevent a crook from getting one). Perhaps, for those who won’t get dementia, there could be more dangers in getting one than in not.

We each feel differently about control in our lives. For me, I want to remain in control of myself — just like my mother did. Mother wouldn’t cede control of ANYTHING to anyone. She didn’t give out a POA. She didn’t even give out a health POA. She did make very sure her health wishes were known by her children. The only (tiny) concession she made was to sign that the hospital could share her health records with me.

Danger: How hospitals can make you seem incompetent(!)

When my mother refused to stay in a hospital as long as the hospital thought she needed to, they did an MRI on her brain (without her permission). They then contacted me and told me that mother’s brain showed shrinkage. They said if I needed to use that to take over her affairs they would support me.

I was horrified. Shrinkage of the brain is totally normal (see Chapter 7) and does not demonstrate mental incapacity. If mother didn’t have me there refusing them — they might have taken it to a court and had someone else put in control of her “for her own good.”

Most attorneys seem to believe we should all give POAs. This may be an easy choice for you — or one of the most difficult.

18

HOW SENIORS ARE FORCED INTO INVOLUNTARY GUARDIANSHIPS

INVOLUNTARY GUARDIANSHIPS ARE a problem for ANYONE in the 70+ age bracket. But they are even more a problem for:

- Those living alone — because you don’t have that spouse/partner as a first level of defense.

- Anyone who appears (to a casual observer or a cyber stalker) to have a nice nest egg.

Involuntary guardianships were established to help people who can no longer care for themselves. But they have become, according to The Con Game — A Failure of Trust , “An open invitation to potential abuse.”

Here are just some of the problems that make this legal procedure unconscionable in how it is administered:

- It’s impossible to know how many people are under guardians — because many states don’t keep good records. AARP guessed 1.5 million in 2013, but admitted they don’t really have a clue.

- There’s a shortage of judges, so many judges making these decisions don’t even have a law degree. Your “judge” could be the owner of a local car dealership.

- About 40% of all states & municipalities don’t do criminal background checks on people they appoint as guardians(!!)

- Forbes  — in a great article on this topic  — found 60% of guardians never had a credit or financial check run. Yet they are given total access to and control of your money! They can sell your house, your stocks, etc. and charge you exorbitant “fees” for everything — fees that quickly move your money into their pockets. And it’s a LOT of money. Forbes  found total dollars controlled by guardians in just Idaho and Minnesota to be over $1 billion.

- Courts in all states allow exparte hearings on involuntary guardianships. This means that only the petitioner (the one who wants to steal your money) has to be there. The judge doesn’t even have to see — much less talk to — the person whose life s/he is about to ruin.

- Almost every single petition for involuntary guardianships is granted by the courts.

- Once you have been involuntarily assigned a guardian — it’s 99.9% impossible for you to reverse it . That’s because the court has already declared you incompetent to do anything such as hire an attorney(!) AND your new guardian controls all your money so you couldn’t pay one(!)

- The courts have almost no money to monitor guardians — so almost nobody is.

- And… abusive guardians isolate their “wards” by selling their houses out from under them — then moving them to cheap nursing homes away from family or friends.

After a spate of irate articles, and studies showing how bad this system is, many states have passed new laws trying to protect seniors. The federal government after decades of squashed bills finally enacted an Elder Abuse and Prevention Act in 2017. It says “DOJ must publish best practices for improving guardianship proceedings and model legislation related to guardianship proceedings for the purpose of preventing elder abuse.” But nowhere does it provide funding to monitor whether or not these guidelines are actually being followed.

These problems have come to light through investigative journalism — a profession that has fewer and fewer practitioners and resources as newspapers shrink. Until funds exist in each state for investigators to monitor guardianships, these abuses can continue.

How you can protect yourself

There’s no complete protection for any of us. There are, however, things we can do to make this less likely:

1. Drawing up a POA (Power of Attorney)  that gives control of you and your affairs to a trusted friend or family member (who is younger than you!) is the only guaranteed method of preventing an unknown crook from targeting you for an involuntary guardianship. It’s too late, once someone else files and receives guardianship of you, to try to get it transferred. The person now holding the guardianship can always find a reason why the friend or family member would be a risk.

However, with this strategy, you then run the risk of abuse from that friend or family member. About 80% of all guardianships are with relatives — and some of the worst abuses come from those same relatives. Be very sure you know the person you’re granting a POA to. And never give it to someone — including a child of yours — who is facing or might face financial problems.

Research cited in The Con Game shows the most likely relative to isolate and financially abuse a senior is a son or daughter who lives with the senior and is dependent upon them for support.

An intriguing option to have your cake and eat it too is found in the book Living Trusts for Everyone. Author Ronald Sharp suggests that within a revokable trust you define how to determine incapacity — in which case your stated trustees would take over your affairs. You could state that only if a court-ordered guardian and conservator is required — then you want those persons to be the same as your named trustee, attorney-in-fact, and medical decision-maker. This might give you a little more control. If it intrigues you, bring it up with an elder law attorney.

2. Reducing the assets that can be stolen.  Primarily these tactics include annuities and reverse mortgages. The goal is to turn your assets into monthly income instead of large balances. Crooks can’t sell your house for money if you already have a reverse mortgage. And they can’t remove money from your accounts if you already used that money to buy single-premium annuities — immediate and/or deferred. This makes you unattractive to a professional crook in cahoots with a crooked judge — who file for emergency involuntary guardianships so they can strip out your assets.

Note: If you have money you want to leave to people or non-profits, you can still utilize this tactic. Just set up an irrevocable trust for those you want to inherit from you, then use your remaining assets to buy income streams. (And, of course, discuss this first with an estate attorney.)

3. Limit knowledge to people/organizations who could file against you  “for your own good.” Social security, veterans organizations, and many, many others keep a look out for seniors who, in their subjective opinions, might be “slipping.” You want to avoid coming to their notice. Here are some ways to do that:

- Make sure any checks you receive regularly are automatically deposited. This way nobody can assume you’re slipping because a check wasn’t deposited –while you’re hanging out somewhere warm for the winter.

- Make sure your monthly expenses (rent, mortgage, electricity, real estate taxes, etc. etc.) are automatically deducted from your bank. Not paying a utility bill for a month or two can be used as proof you’re slipping.

- Don’t let mail build up in a PO Box or a home mailbox. If you’re going to be away for 10 days plus, hold the mail or have it sent to your new location.

- Never let a hospital do an MRI of your brain — for ANY reason unless you’re considering brain surgery. (See Chapter 7 on “Your Brain is Shrinking” for how this normal shrinkage of your brain can be used to show you’re incompetent — even when you are not.)

- Watch out for neighbors. Some people think anyone who is a little frail or occasionally forgetful should be in a home — for their own good. I had church members tell me I should put my mom in a home — when she was perfectly capable of living and managing on her own. They implied I was neglecting her by not forcing her into a home(!)

- Neighbors may mean well, but have this fear — “What if something happens?” That fear of theirs should not be allowed to override what each individual wants. If a senior wants to be in a home or assisted living because s/he’s afraid something bad might happen — great. If the senior wants to stay at home — that should also be great.

Just because we’re old and maybe a little forgetful doesn’t mean someone else should be able to take over our lives. Consider some of the young or middle-aged idiots you know who regularly harm themselves from the stupid decisions they make. Our society thinks it’s fine those people are in charge of their own lives — but we shouldn’t be?

Note: Of course there are instances where seniors truly can’t take care of themselves. We can all sympathize with children and friends struggling with this problem. But there are entire industries eager to jump in and help you protect seniors who truly can’t help themselves. This book is one of the few voices for the 75% of seniors who should be allowed to make their own damn decisions.

Another note: I tried to get two different elder law firms to discuss this with me, and they both refused. Off the record, they told me 1) this wouldn’t happen in their state(!?), and 2) they don’t handle contested guardianships.

PART V

MENTAL

“Use it or lose it” is a popular adage because it is true. This is particularly the case for your mental acuity. While “brain-training” exercises have not been shown to prevent Alzheimer’s, here’s what research has shown:

One study had 2,800 adults 65+ do brain exercises for 5-6 weeks — in the areas of:

- Memory

- Reasoning

- Speed of processing information

These people “showed improvement in these skills that lasted for at least 5 years. They also improved at everyday tasks, such as the ability to manage money and do housework.”

Another study of people who eventually developed Alzheimer’s found that those who exercised their minds delayed the onset of symptoms. This leads researchers to believe that those who will eventually get Alzheimer’s can delay the effects of the disease through mental exercises.

Here is a list of activities that dementia organizations believe can help:

Some activities that involve exercise for the brain, and have also been associated with reduced dementia risk as part of a mentally active lifestyle, are:

- Reading

- Listening to the radio

- Visiting museums

- Taking a course

- Learning a new language

- Playing musical instruments

- Artistic and other hobbies

- Board games

- Crosswords

- Sudoku and other puzzles

19

DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY — IN 6-8 MINUTES

“YOU CAN’T “FORGET” what you never “get” in the first place!”

This is one of the most memorable lines of Ageless Memory, by Harry Lorayne. What he means is that we easily remember what we find most interesting, challenging, shocking, etc. What we can’t seem to “remember” at all are things we never cared about in the first place.

This can have bad consequences as we get older. How many clueless physicians have asked a senior citizen to name the local mayor, or senator, or (before the polarizing Obama and Trump) the president. If they can’t, it is taken as proof the senior citizen can’t live alone any more.

5-minute test can take away your freedom

In fact, one of the doctor “tests” for cognitive impairment is to give the senior citizen three unconnected words (e.g., apple, penny, table) and then after 15 minutes of discussing something else ask them to recall the three words. If they can’t… well there you are! Obviously you’re losing it.

Learning about these “tests” has worried me for some time. Because, in my 30s, I could not have successfully answered them. And, of course, I still can’t in my 70s. Honestly, I don’t care enough to remember politician names. I get so angry thinking about politics and politicians that I long ago stopped in the interest of my mental health. Ask me to name any one of them (other than Obama and Trump) and I wouldn’t be able to. And I could NEVER remember three unconnected, meaningless words. Heck, I’d be amazed if I remembered one word that meant nothing to me.

So I was skeptical, to say the least, reading a book by a self-described “memory expert.” I only bought the book because of:

1. A fear that I might REALLY need this someday to stay independent, and

2. Recommendations from major media (e.g., Time, Modern Maturity , and Reader’s Digest  magazines) and famous actors (Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft).

Mental “tricks” known since 1500 B.C.(!)

Lorayne found the first mention of the memory tricks he uses back around 1500 B.C., where they were used by orators who would declaim for hours without written notes.

Today, there is little attention to memory tricks, at least in the United States. In fact, our education system prides itself that we are NOT teaching memorization. Actors in plays may be the only group today that have to memorize long speeches without the crutch of notes.

But we may be short-sighted in ignoring memorization. To do it well, it requires imagination and focus — techniques that should help our thinking as well as our memorization.

Can you really boost your memory?

Yes, you can. Dramatically. Instantly. I’m the proof.

In just the first fourth of Lorayne’s Ageless Memory , he exposes you to two of his memory tricks:

1. Pairing (where you pair two words that have nothing to do with each other), and his

2. Link System (where you memorize a list of random words, and can recreate them in order or backwards)

I had already known memorization techniques include some sort of “visualization” of a shocking pairing between two words. But apparently my creativity was never up to the task. Lorayne helps with that, giving you three different “outrageous” visualizations for each pair. And I really needed his help! But… he soon had me visualizing tiny little automobiles strapped onto each wrist as a wrist watch (for one example). I may never think automobile again without picturing them on my wrist.

Given 10 pairs of unrelated words, following Lorayne’s advice and visualization suggestions, I was able to get nine of the pairs with about six minutes of learning.

More shocking to me, given 10 unrelated words, I was able to “remember” them both in order AND backward — with about 8 minutes of visualizing.

You don’t know me, so you don’t know how astonishing this accomplishment is. I HATE the idea of learning random words (or numbers). I hate it so much it was hard to make myself apply his techniques even once — to see if I could do it. And… once I found I could, I couldn’t make myself do it again with a second list he presented. I have always resisted — strongly! — learning something that is truly meaningless.

But… we might REALLY need this skill!

Rather than “waste” a doctor’s time diagnosing cognitive impairment with a 40-60 minute test, doctors have developed a “mini-cog ” test. They claim mild cognitive impairment can be determined in less than five minutes with a three-word memory test and a clock-drawing task. Less than 5 minutes to categorize someone as mentally impaired(!)

But… if some doctor in the future tries to “test” me to raise questions as to my mental capabilities — I now know exactly how to beat his test. You can too!

20

DEPRESSION IN SENIORS — AND THE EFFECTS OF SPORTS

I’VE BEEN DEPRESSED the past two weeks. My team (the N.Y. Mets) has gone on an historically terrible stretch — losing more games in more terrible ways than any other team in baseball ever has(!)

So I looked up depression and seniors — all ready to write about the dangers of rooting for a losing team at a time in our lives where we are more susceptible to depression. And what did I find? Lies and coverups about whether aging leads to depression!

While rooting for the Mets (or the Knicks, Bears, Jets, or Browns!) might very well make you depressed, reaching 60+ years old does NOT!

Percentage of people with depression

- Age 12-17: 4.3%

- Age 18-39: 4.7%

- Age 40-59: 7.3%

- Age 60+: 4.0%

Above are the official numbers from a research study by the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention). As you can see, 60+ has the LOWEST rate of depression of any age group — almost half the rate of those aged 40-59.

Why studies lie about depression in seniors

So why does mostly anything you read about depression seem to imply that seniors are more likely to be depressed? There appear to be some slights-of-hand:

- They talk numbers, not percents. The MHA (Mental Health in America) says, “More than two million of the 34 million Americans age 65 and older suffer from some form of depression.” (Sounds terrible(!), but run the numbers and that’s 5.9%. And note the “some form of…”.)

- They pull in less positive numbers. For example, I saw reports saying 7.7% of all people age 50+ are depressed. When did 50-59 become “old”? By combining the numbers for 50-59 into the 60+ numbers, you’re including much-more-likely-to-be-depressed people into your comments on “old” people. This makes sense if you’re trying to inflate numbers of older depressed people to get more funding for your programs!

Other reports skim right over the low percent of seniors likely to be depressed and jump right to some problem numbers. And — let’s admit it — there are SOME problems for seniors when it comes to depression.

Depression and health problems

It’s no surprise that having serious health problems can increase your risks of depression. The CDC (who should know better because their own numbers show it isn’t true) says: “Older adults are at increased risk for depression.” They justify this by adding: “We know that about 80% of older adults have at least one chronic health condition, and 50% have two or more.”

Well, I have one “chronic condition” — acid reflux. And I know others with it. It hasn’t made any of us depressed. The CDC should trust their research numbers showing seniors (which includes those with chronic conditions!) have the lowest levels of depression.

However, there are health problems that do increase risk of depression such as heart disease, cancer, dementia, and chronic pain. A shocking number to me was that, according to the MHA, nearly 25% of the 600,000 people who experience a stroke in a given year will experience clinical depression.

Depression and living factors

Having a spouse die on you is a big risk factor for depression. One third of widows/widowers (according to the MHA) are clinically depressed in the month after death — and half of those will still be depressed after one year.

Requiring home health care is a very big risk factor for depression. The CDC reports that older people living in their communities range from 1-5% depressed, but that number rises to 11.5% in older people in a hospital, and 13.5% in older people who require home healthcare. I wish they’d also uncover the rates for those people living in assisted living and in nursing homes — as I suspect those could be even higher.

Depression lasts longer in older people

While we’re less likely to get depressed, it’s more likely to stay with us if we do get it. According to MedPage Today , older depression patients were more likely to remain depressed after two years and have more severe symptoms. These results held when all subjects experiencing dementia were removed from the study. And these results were only explained to a small degree by health, clinical and social factors.

Differences in treatment were hypothesized as part of the problem. While depressed older adults were more likely to use antidepressants (73% of the 70+ compared to 33% of those 18-29), studies show that antidepressants are less effective in older adults. (Or maybe the side effects of these medicines are increasing depression?)

Suicide and older people

Older adults make fewer suicide attempts than younger people. However, when we do attempt it, we mean it. We have a significantly higher rate of suicide completion. According to Everyday Health , people over age 65 make up 12 percent of the population, but account for 16 percent of all suicide deaths.

While women in general have higher rates of depression (6.7%) than men (4.0%), white males age 85 and older have the highest rate of suicide completion. Their 65.3 deaths per 100,000 persons is nearly six times the national suicide rate of 10.8 per 100,000.

Where you live can make you depressed

According to Health.com (2008), the states that are most likely to depress you are:

- Arkansas

- Indiana

- Kentucky

- Michigan

- Mississippi

- Missouri

- Nevada

- Oklahoma

- Tennessee, and

- West Virginia.

(Read their article — you’ll laugh at loud at their reasoning for Oklahoma, even though this isn’t a laughing matter.

Here’s a huge report by the CDC (2011) , which tracks depression in three different ways by state. If you look at most days of depression in the last 30 days, here are the most depressing states:

- Alabama

- Indiana

- Kentucky

- Mississippi

- Missouri

- Nevada

- North Carolina

- Ohio

- Tennessee, and

- West Virginia.

So… should you dump your losing sports team?

My mother was a Chicago Cubs fan her whole life — all 89 years of it. They lost every year. She finally gave up on them in the last year before she died. Two years after she died, the Cubs won the World Series. Would she have been happier without her fandom? Not in my opinion. After all, she never saw them win it all, so she never really expected it.

If you’re a Mets fan, however, it’s a different story. The Mets won the World Series in 1969 and 1986. And they got there again in 2015. And in 2018 they had the best starting rotation in baseball.

I should just give up on the Mets — and spare myself the aggravation and depression. On the other hand, the team actually won a game last night. They shut out the hated Yankees. Maybe it’s turning around??

21

FREE COLLEGE FOR SENIORS

STATE-BY-STATE DETAILS OF WHAT’S OFFERED

LOOKING for a fun pastime that exercises your brain? Want to finally get a degree to one-up a relative or friend? Or set an example for your children?

Most states offer free college for seniors! Some even pick up the “fees.” Some states just offer reduced rates — you might complain to your state legislators about how bad your state looks compared to others.

States that offer seniors substantially LESS than others include:

- Arizona

- Indiana

- Rhode Island

- South Dakota

- Vermont ,and

- West Virginia.

Benefits to you

Just a few. Such as a lower chance of dementia and Alzheimer’s(!) Plus the joys of learning. And, once COVID-19 is no longer a threat, the joys of mingling with others who are also interested in learning.

Restrictions

You typically cannot enroll in classes until the last minute because spaces for seniors are available only for classes that are not completely filled with paying customers.

Some states let you get a degree, while other states don’t allow for-credit classes. You’ll find all the details/restrictions/costs on the 25 charts on the following pages. The information was current as of January 2020, but you’ll also see the URLs where you can check for yourself if there have been any changes. Typically state universities make changes in policies such as these very rarely.

NOTE: If a PUBLIC college or community college near you does not show up in these listings, it doesn’t mean they don’t offer these programs. In fact, there’s a good chance they do. Call their admissions and find out!

ALABAMA & ALASKA

URLs for more info:

- Alabama: https://seniordefender.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/

- Alaska: https://www.alaska.edu/bor/policy/05-10.pdf

ARIZONA & ARKANSAS

URLs for more info:

- Arizona: https://www.maricopa.edu/community-business/community-education-programs/lifelong-learning

- Arkansas : http://www.arkleg.state.ar.us/bureau/research/Publications/Task%20Forces/Legislative%20Task%20Force%20on%20Higher%20Education%20Remediation ,%20Retention,%20and%20Graduation%20Rates/Arkansas%20Code%20related%20to%20Higher%20Education%20-%20Title%206-%20Subtitles%205%20and%206%20(475%20pages).pdf

CALIFORNIA & COLORADO

URLs for more info:

- California: http://calstate.edu/budget/student-fees/fee-waivers/discretionary.shtml#age

- Colorado: http://www.ucdenver.edu/academics/colleges/CLAS/ContinuingEducation/non-degree/Pages/AuditingClasses.aspx

CONNECTICUT & DELAWARE

URLs for more info:

- Connecticut : http://www.ct.edu/files/csus-resolutions/09-070.pdf

- Delaware: http://delcode.delaware.gov/title14/c034/sc10/index.shtml

D.C. & FLORIDA

URLs for more info:

- D.C. (District of Columbia): https://scs.georgetown.edu/departments/33/senior-citizen-non-degree-auditor-program/

- Florida: http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=1000-1099/1009/Sections/1009.26.html

GEORGIA & HAWAII

URLs for more info:

- Georgia: https://www.usg.edu/information/adult_learners_age_62_and_older

- Hawaii: https://windward.hawaii.edu/admissions_records/senior_visitor_pass.php

IDAHO & ILLINOIS

URLs for more info:

- Idaho: https://admissions.boisestate.edu/senior-citizen-rate/or.https://quondam.csi.edu/prospectiveStudents_/studentServices/newStudentServices/gettingStarted/nonDegreeSeekingStudent_noncredit.asp

- Illinois: http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs3.asp?ActID=1172&ChapterID=18

INDIANA & IOWA

URLs for more info:

- Indiana: https://policies.iu.edu/policies/usss-14-senior-citizen-fee-remission/index.html

- Iowa: Page 12 of this PDF: https://www.eicc.edu/future-students/2018-2019CollegeCatalog.pdf

KANSAS & KENTUCKY

URLs for more info:

- Kansas : http://policy.ku.edu/registrar/senior-citizen-rates or http://webs.wichita.edu/?u=registrar&p=/registrationnew/

- Kentucky: http://www.lrc.ky.gov/statutes/statute.aspx?id=4232

LOUISIANA & MAINE

URLs for more info:

- Louisiana: http://legis.la.gov/legis/Law.aspx?d=79985

- Maine: http://www.maine.edu/admissions-aid/scholarships/tuition-waivers/

MARYLAND & MASSACHUSETTS

URLs for more info:

- Maryland: http://www.usmd.edu/regents/bylaws/SectionVIII/VIII230.html

- Massachusetts: http://www.mass.edu/osfa/programs/categorical.asp

MICHIGAN & MINNESOTA

URLs for more info:

- Michigan: http://www.mtu.edu/registrar/students/registration/policies/senior-citizen-enrollment/ and https://wmich.edu/registrar/students/scope and http://www.nmu.edu/bulletin/senior-citizen-scholarship?&SessionID=382643 and.https://wayne.edu/tuition/

- Minnesota: https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/?id= 135A.52

MISSISSIPPI & MISSOURI

URLs for more info:

- Mississippi: http://www.policies.msstate.edu/policypdfs/91179.pdf and http://www.outreach.olemiss.edu/pdll/lifelong_learning_classes.html

- Missouri: https://dhe.mo.gov/ppc/grants/seniorcitizens.php

MONTANA & NEBRASKA

URLs for more info:

- Montana: https://mus.edu/Prepare/Pay/Tuition_and_Fee_Waivers.asp

- Nebraska: For Chadron: http://www.csc.edu/repository/?category=41 and http://www.mpcc.edu/financial-services/tuition-cost for Mid-Plains

NEVADA & NEW HAMPSHIRE

URLs for more info:

- Nevada: https://catalog.unlv.edu/preview_entity.php?catoid=1&ent_oid=23&returnto=95

- New Hampshire: https://manchester.unh.edu/sites/default/files/migrated/pdf/Senior_Citizen_Waiver_Policy.pdf for Manchester and https://www.plymouth.edu/current-students/academic-resources/wp-content/uploads/sites/123/2016/09/Academic-Catolog-17-18.pdf for Plymouth State

NEW JERSEY & NEW MEXICO

URLs for more info:

- New Jersey: Page 3 of this document:http://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/doas/documents/statewide_benefit_2011.pdf.

- New Mexico: http://164.64.110.239/nmac/parts/title05/05.007.0019.htm

NEW YORK & NORTH CAROLINA

URLs for more info:

- New York: http://www.qc.cuny.edu/academics/specialprograms/seniorCitzenProg/Pages/default.aspx

- North Carolina: https://www.ncleg.net/Applications/BillLookUp/LoadBillDocument.aspx?SessionCode=2013&DocNum=7692&SeqNum=0 for community colleges. Or https://uncw.edu/reg/registration-SrCitizen.html for UNCW

NORTH DAKOTA & OHIO

URLs for more info:

- North Dakota: https://bismarckstate.edu/uploads/96/TuitionFeeWaivers.pdf

- Ohio: http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3345.27

PENNSYLVANIA, RHODE ISLAND & SO. CAROLINA

URLs for more info:

- Pennsylvania: Each university has its own policy. Go to the desired university and search for “senior citizens.” Here’s Lock Haven’s policy: http://www.lockhaven.edu/About/documents/Senior%20Citizen%20Tuition%20Waiver%20Policy.pdf#search=senior%20citizen

- Rhode Island: http://www.ccri.edu/bursar/waivers.html#SENIOR_CITIZENS_WAIVER_

- South Carolina: Article 5 at this site:http://www.scstatehouse.gov/code/t59c111.php

SOUTH DAKOTA & TENNESSEE

URLs for more info:

- South Dakota: https://www.sdbor.edu/student-information/Pages/Reduced-Tuition-65-or-older.aspx

- Tennessee: http://catalog.mtsu.edu/content.php?catoid=18&navoid=2390

TEXAS & UTAH

URLs for more info:

- Texas: http://www.collegeforalltexans.com/apps/financialaid/tofa2.cfm?ID=564

- Utah: https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title53B/Chapter9/53B-9-S101.html?v=C53B-9-S101_1800010118000101

VERMONT & VIRGINIA

URLs for more info:

- Vermont: https://www.vsc.edu/i-am-a/senior-citizen/

- Virginia: http://www.schev.edu/docs/default-source/tuition-aid-section/undergrad-grad-financial-aid/senior-citizen-tuition-waiver.pdf

WASHINGTON & WEST VIRGINIA

URLs for more info:

- Washington: http://apps.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=28B.15.540

- West Virginia: http://www.wvlegislature.gov/wvcode/ChapterEntire.cfm?chap=18b&art=10

WISCONSIN & WYOMING

URLs for more info:

- Wisconsin: https://www.wisconsin.edu/regents/policies/class-audit-policy/

- Wyoming: http://www.uwyo.edu/registrar/university_catalog/admiss_other.html

PART VI

RETIREMENT

To retire — or not to retire?

When to retire?

How to retire?

Where to retire?

As of 2019 (per the Census), there are 94.5 million Americans aged 55+ and 73.4 million 60+. And every single one of them probably has (or had) a different idea about the retirement decision.

Part Five looks at:

- How to analyze the retirement decision

- How to never retire, if that’s your choice. And how you can do that in the face of rampant ageism in the workforce

- The surprising problems in letting go — even if you WANT to retire

- The aftermath of retiring — the empty calendar syndrome

22

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHEN TO RETIRE?

DOES this question puzzle you as much as it does me? I’ve been thinking/worrying about it for the past four or so years.

Of course, this assumes you’re lucky enough to still have the choice(!) Many seniors are forced into retirement before they wish — due to health issues, family issues, or rampant ageism.

When Retirement is Forced on You

A quick poll of several female friends found the following reasons why they retired — even though they didn’t want to at the time(!):

- Husband came down with pancreatic cancer

- Husband went into the hospital with colorectal cancer and other problems

- Husband became unable to care for himself due to Alzheimer’s

- Job ended and new job interviews disappeared when they figured out how old (60-ish) she was

When You Can Choose Retirement

Depending on your situation, there are potential problems you’ll want to plan to avoid — before you make the retirement decision. Here are some ideas to consider for your different situations.

If you don’t like your job

Sounds like this would be an easy choice, doesn’t it? As soon as you can afford it, you’d retire. But… not so fast! Your job isn’t just a source of money and irritation — it’s also:

- A social network

- Something to do for several hours a day

- A source of price and satisfaction (in your own competence)

Don’t quit until you know how you’ll replace those benefits. For example:

- Do you have other retired friends? Those with a job won’t have much “hanging out” time for you.

- Do you have at least two very intense hobbies? Or causes you want to help/promote? Have you set up what you will do with hours that can drag on and on with nothing particular to do?

- Have you got something lined up that will keep you feeling competent & good about yourself? As we get older, and especially once you retire, it’s easy to feel you are disappearing. Becoming not only invisible, but also irrelevant. Something you can take pride in doing will counteract those feelings.

Are you married or living with someone?

Don’t assume your already retired spouse will be delighted to have you underfoot the entire day. While it’s easy to plan great things you can do together once you’re both retired, it’s the day-to-day always-there aspect that can threaten a marriage or any relationship.

While I’ve seen a few joined-at-the-hip happy retired couples (ok, really, only one), it’s much more common to see happy couples who spend a large part of each day doing their own thing.

Don’t retire until you know with what you’ll be filling at least 4-5 hours of the day. (No, golf isn’t enough! Plan to play golf every day if you want. But what ELSE will you do?)

Are you single and living alone?

My first suggestion here is to know yourself.

Are you a very social person? Do you have lots of friends and lots of personal conversations on the job? If so, you will need to replicate that sense of shared-goal friendships some other way. Volunteering for non-profits that matter to you is one way to go — as long as it happens several times a week. Churches, senior centers, and non-profits who help your community can give you that daily contact you need. You could even find part of it with a part-time job — which would also earn you some extra cash.

If you’re more of a loner, do not believe all the hogwash being promoted by publicity-hungry psychiatrists these days — that you will get sick and die quicker without lots of social connections. I’ve thrown more than a couple of such books across the room in disgust.

That doesn’t mean we introverts can sit in our houses alone all day and be happy. (Or maybe Unibomber Ted Kaczynski was happy completely alone — in his shack writing ranting manifestos?)

The easiest social replacements (other than a few close friends) for a loner are more activity-based. You had acquaintances you worked with. Now you need acquaintances you are with when you do your new retired-person activities. People you meet at the gym, the pool, or walking the mall. Wherever you plan to exercise. (You ARE making plans to exercise, right??)

There are also acquaintances to be made with your hobbies. At your volunteer work for non-profits. At your new part-time job. At whatever new obsession you will develop that will give purpose to your days after retiring.

23

NEVER RETIRE! JOBS THAT WON’T KICK SENIORS TO THE CURB

IF YOU'RE CONSIDERING a late career job change, why not switch to a job that is less likely to force out seniors in order to replace them with cheaper labor?

Yes, it's come to this. The baby boomer generation who was determined to "Never trust anyone over 30" is getting the same (or worse) disrespect from Gen Xers. Worse because they want to fire us, not just insult us(!)

Should you WANT to never retire?

You can make a good case for never retiring. One reason is your life expectancy. There's no percentage consensus in the research, but studies have found everywhere from a 20-37% increased risk of early death from those who "retire early" -- meaning before 65.

But... researchers have argued that people retire early when they have a serious illness, so of course they are more likely to die sooner. One study was diligent about separating out those whose early retirement was due to illness. This study found that working just one more year gave those in poor health a 9% lower risk of dying, while it gave those in good health an 11% lower risk. If you break down the numbers by gender, both Forbes and the Wall Street Journal find males significantly more likely to die soon after they retire. WSJ says one reason is that men are more likely to adopt an unhealthy lifestyle upon retirement.

Another reason to not retire is money. Keep it coming in and your financial health will almost certainly be improved.

Another is so you don't need to "find yourself" or come up with new, satisfying hobbies. Keep your nose to the grindstone and you won't have to learn to love painting, or flower arranging, or watching endless hours of professional wrestling. Sarcasm aside, some people love their work far more than any hobby they could imagine. If so, why stop something as fulfilling?

No crappy jobs, please!

You won't believe what jobs US News & World Reports thinks people 50+ should consider for a second career !

They seemed happy to tell us that some businesses value older workers and are hiring seniors. What I see in their article are a lot of jobs that (with a couple of exceptions) pay peanuts.

A job as a Walmart greeter is fine if you just want to get out the door and be around people a few hours a day (and don't mind earning a very few bucks in return). But it would be much nicer to have the social contact as well as a better paycheck.

Fields that hire seniors and pay better

NextAvenue recommends the health field and the education field. It also offers a few specific suggestions, several of which should pay at least somewhat better:

- Medical assistant

- Patient advocate

- Tax preparer

- Personal care aid/Home health aid

- Bookkeeper

- Secretary

- Contract worker

- College or vocational instructor

- Event/Meeting planner

Personally, I recommend the education field as a second career, although you might be better off if you wait a couple of years to apply. That's because of demographics -- fewer high school students led to fewer college students and thus fewer professors. The profession has been shrinking the past 10+ years, but student forecasts for the future are stable. So as future professors retire, they will need to be replaced.

If you have a masters, you can teach at a community college or as an adjunct (part-time) at a four year college.

Just be careful which state you pick.

- Connecticut about 14 years ago required all full-time professors to "retire" at age 70. At 70, they could teach only as part-time adjuncts (at a much lower pro-rated salary).

- Pennsylvania didn't have any such practice. They let you teach as long as you are competent to teach.

- Also, there's a huge difference between state systems and individual universities in what they pay adjuncts.

Professionals can work forever(!)

If you're an accountant, an attorney, a guru in anything, a freelancer -- you can work as much and as long as you wish. If you have the time and inclination, move into one of these professions in your 50's and ride it into the sunset.

Forced out? Launch your own biz

If you're being forced out of work, you can launch a small business (currently being contemplated by 25% of all seniors(!). Then you can work as long and as hard as you desire. Just make sure it's one you can launch without spending much money at all. (See Chapter 35 on "How to know if your biz will succeed -- BEFORE you launch! ")

24

LETTING GO OF YOUR JOB

IT TURNS out that deciding to retire from a job is a very different thing from actually doing it. No matter that you know it’s time to move on. No matter that you’re ready for something new. Those last couple of months before you’re gone carry a number of shocks.

As a university professor, I expected to miss the interactions with colleagues. I knew I’d miss getting to know and advise each new group of students. What I didn’t expect were the assumptions my ego made about influencing the future — until this last month exposed them to me.

This was my dream job 13 years ago. I came to a university with no marketing program and got to develop one — exactly as I thought best for the students. I was able to select the courses I thought students needed to succeed — and then teach them. I got to decide what should be in each course, how to grade it, what exercises and assignments would be most beneficial to my students.

I thought I was building something for the program — something that would last.

Planning your death?

The first shock to my system was helping hire my replacement. It felt like I was planning my death(!) Like I’d signed up for euthanasia, but first I had to tidy things up and get my replacement ready. And, for university professors, this is a long, drawn out process. You give notice in September — for a retirement the following summer.

Ah, but that was a tiny shock compared to the ones to come.

My background is launching businesses. And when you set up systems, marketing plans, etc. — they all last for the business. When someone new joins the business, they build on what foundation you’ve established. Not so much in teaching. At least, not so much with what was most important to me in the job.

What meant the most to me in the job

Students graduating with a bachelors in marketing — who don’t plan to get an MBA — have one heck of a time getting a job. All (really 99.99%!) entry level marketing jobs require one year’s experience(!) So I set up the required projects in my classes to give my students just that — resumes that contain more than a year’s worth of real-world marketing experience. Examples of resume entries for my graduates:

- Created a marketing blog for a client

- Created a Pinterest marketing campaign for a client

- Created a Twitter marketing campaign for a client

- Created 3 marketing videos for a client

- Created a marketing plan for a client

- Created and conducted focus group research for a client

- Created and conducted eye-tracking marketing research for a client

- Certified in Google AdWords

- Certified in Google Analytics

So when we brought three prospective replacements for my position to campus, I took each to dinner. I talked in depth with each about making sure our marketing students have a resume that can actually get them that hard-to-get entry level job. I was satisfied to have done all I could to protect our future students.

Letting go of “control” illusions

But… the search failed and we didn’t hire any of them. The school will be fine in the Fall, and will conduct a new search for Spring 2021 and going forward. But… I won’t be involved.

So I have to let go. And trust that whomever they get will care just as much in his/her own way as I do. Which s/he probably will. It’s just completely out of my control. And that’s the part that’s so emotionally difficult!

Don’t be surprised if the same kind of thing happens to you!

25

EMPTY CALENDAR SYNDROME?

TIME TO DRAW UP YOUR BUCKET LIST?

TODAY IS A FRIDAY, and Monday will be my official retirement date. This is not a surprise — I gave my notice (as academics do) almost 11 months ago. But I just opened my calendar to the coming month and what did I see?

Absolutely nothing.

It really gave me a chill — which is bewildering. Because, duh! That’s what retirement is, right? No job. No meetings. No assignments. Just — to quote some of my retired friends — complete freedom.

Problems for organized “achievers”?

I used to live by my “To-Do” lists. I’d write items on paper, then keep adding new ones as I crossed off completed ones. Soon I’d have to start a new list and transfer over the unfinished items.

One day I got fed up with the endless, never-finished lists. And I resolved to complete every single item on my current list. Which I did.

Quickly I learned that was a HUGE mistake, never to be repeated. There I sat — with absolutely nothing I needed to do. It was the same untethered feeling I just got from the empty calendar facing me at retirement.

What will you do with your time?

I’m in awe of a blogger Donna Pekar at (RetirementConfidential.com) who says she doesn’t miss her work at all. After reading her blog for years, the main things she seems to do with her time (in order of how many hours/day she appears to spend on each):

- Play golf

- Swim laps

- Hike

- Work out

- Cook

- Make art

- Grow cannabis

Okaaaay. I’m now up to a reliable 15 minutes/day on exercise (her first 4 items). Let’s see. After 7 hours of sleep a night, that leaves just under 17 hours/day to fill. Gulp!

Is a Bucket List the answer?

Have you got a bucket list? Or even just a couple of “I really wish…” ideas? Retirement may be a great time to start checking off some of them.

For years I wanted to take a river cruise in the South of France. Last year, I decided it was time to do it.

- “Don’t be putting it off,” advised a friend, whose husband was lucky enough to get his terminal health news when he still had a few good months where they could travel together before he couldn’t.

- COVID-19: A reminder from the universe that we don’t have forever to do some things? Do it soon — or you might not be able to.

Above was the view from my bed on the Avalon Poetry II as we traveled to the next city (was it Arles or Avignon?) along the Rhone. The last time I visited these cities I was in my 30s and on a bike tour. On the boat you unpack once, then each day you have new adventures in new cities. We had biking tours, kayaking, tutoring in expressionist painting, lots of wine tours/tastings/caves, hiking, and perfume museums. And shopping (yikes!). And, oh, the food(!)

Many people are dreaming of international travel vacations — for 2022 or beyond. When, hopefully, there’s a COVID vaccine.

So… how to fill up your calendar?

Beyond the big bucket list items, how much structure do you want in your days? Do you want to set specific times of the day for different activities? Or are you looking for no alarm clocks, no worrying about if it’s “time” for something specific.

But… maybe you’d like a routine or a typical order of things on “normal” days. For me, “think work” like writing or researching needs to happen in the AMs. Volunteer work, chats with friends, book reading are all good for afternoons. Nights in the summer are for Mets games — I actually got tears in my eyes when MLB started its precarious short 2020 season.

Just plan for many “somethings” to do. You’ll need it for reassurance — when you first glimpse that empty calendar stretching in front of you.

PART VII

MONEY

Money represents the number one fear most U.S. seniors face. Polls show many more Americans fear running out of money than fear dying(!)

Following is some research to let you know where you will stand. And… if the numbers are NOT in your favor, what you can do about it.

26

HOW THIEVES STEAL YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS

AS THE NUMBER of seniors grows, so grows our attractiveness to crooks.

If you are between 66 and 70, and have not applied yet for your social security benefits — please, please go to the excellent  Satisfying Retirement blog and search for “Stolen Social Security benefits.”

Apparently crooks, armed with your details from various breachs, are going after people in this age range. They’ve found they can apply online with social security and get back benefits in your name (thousands of dollars worth!) — all before you can find out what happened.

Please check this out — and be vigilant. This not only screws up your social security, but will also force you to fight it out with the IRS and with medicare(!)

27

YOU NEED JUST 3 NUMBERS TO BUDGET EXPENSES FOR RETIREMENT

HOGWASH DESCRIBES a lot of what we have read about financial planning for retirement. I’ve read articles and completed calculators that say if we don’t have at least $1.5 million in the bank — forget retiring. (Gee, I wonder how the 92% of us who are not millionaires ever manage?)

You may have also read that we’ll spend about 65-85% in retirement of what we spent before. More hogwash — certainly for the first 5-10 years of retirement. Many people spend MORE those first few years.

Have you tried to do a retirement “budget”? I started one at least 4 or 5 times in the past decade and the only result I ever got was complete frustration! For one thing, I’m not good at frugality and I found it hard to trust what I came up with was even close to what I might actually spend.

Worse — I felt I had to account for every little item, and I was drowning in unnecessary detail. You’ve seen the worksheets. I’m looking at one now and it wants my trash pickup bill, how much I spend getting my hair dyed and cut, my groceries and my “household items,” plus 25 more categories. You could get lost just trying to be “accurate” for each item.

Net result? I’ve never completed one of them! Which is not good! I actually blushed in guilt when I read this in The 5 Years Before You Retire by Emily Birkin: “You may be able to get away with ignoring your money choices while you are working full-time and bringing home a good salary, but maintaining that same level of money ignorance as you prepare for retirement is a good way to ensure your plans and finances go off the rails.” Oops!

Incredibly easy — and accurate! — budgeting

The answer turned out to be actually easy — and, I feel, very accurate! It came from a great book called Control Your Retirement Destiny: Achieving Financial Security Before the Big Transition , by Dana Anspach. If you want 5 quick simple steps to the entire topic of financial planning for retirement, this book isn’t it. If you want to read all the many complicated decisions you’ll have to make to better maximize your retirement income, this book is the best I’ve found thus far.

Fortunately, Anspach makes creating an expense budget incredibly simple — you need just 3 columns:

- Checks/Bills Paid

- Cash

- Credit cards

Checks/Bills Paid: In the first column goes anything you pay regularly by check or automatic withdrawal from your checking account. This part is very easy. I just looked at my checkbook for the past year and found 22 recurring vendors. By looking at what I paid to each for the past year, I now know what to expect (with cost-of-living increases) going forward.

Don’t get hung up on trying to imagine what these charges would be if you moved or made some other change. Those are things you can analyze once you have your base numbers. Just put in what you’re spending now.

Cash:  Cash is the easiest of all: Just add up your ATM withdrawals over the past 12 months and put in that number.

Credit cards: Also very easy. Don’t fret about fixed costs you pay by credit card instead of by check. (I pay by credit card whenever possible to get cash rewards from my credit cards.) Just look at how much you charged on each credit card over the past 12 months and put the totals in this column.

Why this is so accurate

Trying to guess what we will spend in retirement can be a nightmare. This exercise lets us see what we are spending right now. If we’re happy with our current lifestyle/expenses, we should be happy with the same number going forward. The only add-ons would be if we think we’d want to travel more or get into an expensive hobby. And we can guesstimate those add-on costs pretty easily.

It’s not only accurate, it’s easy to do. I’ve FINALLY completed a “budget” and you can too.

Why the credit card column is brilliant

Unless we move, our checks/bills paid number isn’t going to change. Unless you make a point of paying everything you can by cash, most likely your cash number won’t change much either. All the flex in our budget comes in the credit card number.

We don’t have to justify to ourselves all the “required” charges on the card. We’re starting out assuming we spend exactly what we’ve been spending. All required charges are accounted for in the number.

But… there’s also serious wiggle room in the credit charges. If we’re still working, there are probably quite a few items included in that number that could be cut when we retire. Some, such as dry cleaning and commuting expenses, would be easy. Others we would cut only if we absolutely had to.

What to do after calculating your expenses

You’ll need to calculate your income in order to know where you stand with your expenses.

But if you already know your expense number is too high, you can start drilling down on the expenses, looking for the least painful areas to cut. But… you’ll also need to add in some expenses — especially Medicare Parts B and D, and a Medigap supplement. (Or an Advantage Plan in place of Part D and Medigap.)

Warning Note: If you had a good income your last few years working, your Medicare and Part D costs can be double or even triple what the charts say — as there’s an income adjustment.)

The biggest/best cuts you can make concern your house and your car(s). Moving to a smaller and cheaper house or a cheaper part of the country (or both!) can make a huge difference. So can cutting out one of your two cars.

28

HOW MUCH $ CAN YOU WITHDRAW EACH YEAR WITHOUT RUNNING OUT?

AFTER SPENDING 60+ years trying to GROW our nest eggs, we’re suddenly faced in retirement with SHRINKING them. This sudden about face can give us whiplash — and scare the heck out of us.

So… regardless whether we have $5,000, $500,000, or $5 million — what is our number? Just how much can we withdraw from our funds/investments each year — and still feel confident we won’t run out?

Financial advisors typically cite one (or both) of these two withdrawal strategies — the 4% rule or the bucket strategy:

STRATEGY ONE:  4%/year withdrawal

Many retirement advisors quote the 4% rule — which is that you can safely withdraw 4% of your total savings/investment each year of retirement (plus the inflation rate of the previous year) and have enough to last 30 years.

This was developed by Bill Bengen in 1994 . He assumed a portfolio evenly split between stocks and bonds, and he checked every 30 year period in history starting in 1926 — and found the money lasted at least 30 years. His rule worked even if your retirement period included the “Great Depression.” It also, in some time periods, lasted even longer. However, many things can complicate this “easy” rule.

Why 4% may be too much to withdraw:

- Taxes: If you withdraw 4% of your total funds from an IRA, 401(k), 403(b), or other tax-deferred account, you won’t have 4% after tax. If you want 4% net in your pocket, you’ll probably have to withdraw 5-6%, and that violates this principle.

- Low yields on safer investments : When bonds, money market funds, CDs and other low-risk investments are paying historically low rates, 4% may well be too high.

- Longevity : What if you live longer than 30 years? After all, an “average” expected age of 90 means one heck of a lot of people will live LONGER than that! You need to plan for your money to last as long as you might last! The Social Security Administration (who should know) tells us this:

- Women: A 65-year-old woman is, on average, going to live to 86.7

- Men: A 65-year-old man is, on average, going to live to 84.3

- 25% of 65-year-olds will live past 90

- 10% of 65-year-olds will live past 95

Why 4% may be too little to withdraw

- Many (historically) could have taken 4.5% : Most historical periods tracked by Bill Bengen would have allowed 4.5% and still covered you for 30 years. However… that doesn’t guarantee it will in the future.

- Your stocks/bonds allocations: Jane Bryant Quinn, in How to Make Your Money Last ,   adjusts the 4% rule depending on how much risk you’re assuming. Here are her recommendations for annual withdrawals (plus inflation):

- 3.5% if just 30% of your portfolio is in stock-owning index funds

- 4.5% if you have 40-60% in stock-owning index funds

- 5.5% — if you have 40-60% in stock-owning funds AND you cut your withdrawals way back in years when stocks drop

- Adjustment for withdrawals early in your retirement: Kiplinger says you may be able to withdraw 5 to 5-1/2% in the early years of retirement, as long as you know you will have to cut back in the later years. Many financial planners believe you should plan to withdraw more in your early years of retirement, less in your middle years, and more the last few years when you may need in-home paid helpers.

STRATEGY TWO: The “bucket method” of income withdrawal

The bucket method tries to give you the best of all worlds — safety and security for your money as well as a chance to profit from a stock market that is more likely to beat inflation.

In her book, The Five Years Before You Retire , Emily Guy Birken says you need to split your portfolio into three buckets. The goal in this strategy is to never be forced to sell stocks when they are in the toilet and thus be forced to take losses that could rebound if given more time. The question is, what % of your current portfolio goes into each?

Years 1-5 : This bucket is what you draw from in your first five years. Therefore it must be in the safest funds. For example, CDs, money market funds, and Treasury notes/bills.

Years 6-15 : This bucket will support you through early middle years of retirement. As such, it should contain mostly bonds, but also safer stocks.  The goal here is “safe growth” — hopefully beating inflation, but not as volatile as the more aggressive stocks.

Years 16 and beyond : Because you won’t be drawing from these funds for 16 years, it should be primarily stock index funds. You can have more aggressive stocks in this bucket. If the stock market dives in years 1-15, you won’t have to touch these funds. If the stock market rises dramatically, well… then you have a choice. You can leave the funds alone, hoping for more upside, or you could cash some of them out and put them into your Years 6-15 bucket.

Yes, people go broke trying to “time” the stock market. A fear with this strategy is that the stock market does fine until year 16 or 17 of your retirement, then nose dives(!) So if you see an all-time high in the market earlier, you might want to cash in some of those gains while letting the rest of it still ride.

Adjusting your “buckets” : The buckets method requires adjusting your buckets once a year. Thus after one year you switch some stocks to bonds and some bonds to CDs so that you always have 5 years worth of “safe” money, 10 years worth of mostly bond funds money, and the rest in stock index funds.

Before you decide

Check out SIPAs (single premium immediate annuities). You may find that you can get a higher payout by converting part of your portfolio into one or more of these. They won’t leave anything for your heirs, but if 4% of your total funds comes to $600/month and you could get $850/month from a SIPA — that could make a big difference in your lifestyle.

To account for inflation, there are inflation-adjusted SIPAs — but the lower payout usually isn’t worth it. Instead you can buy one annuity in your late 60s, another in your early 70s and another in your late 70s. (You get a much higher payout rate the older you are when you buy.)

There are a lot of other annuity types than these two and I don’t recommend any of them. If you are attracted by a different type, make sure you get advice from a financial advisor who is NOT selling that type nor getting paid for people they get to buy them.

For a financial advisor, only trust a “fee ONLY” advisor, not a “fee-based” or “commission-based” advisor.)

29

WHAT IF YOUR RETIREMENT INCOME ISN’T ENOUGH?

BEFORE PANICKING, we need to know exactly how much is coming in and how much is going out.

Money you receive: This consists of your social security, any pension (if you have one) and interest income. It also includes what you can take out each year from your investments. See Chapter 28: “How much $ can you withdraw each year without running out? "

Money you will spend: See Chapter 27: "You need just 3 numbers to Budget Expenses for Retirement.  “

The result: Can you live on the net of these two? If so, congratulations! If not, read on…

What can you do if you don’t like your numbers?

You’ve looked at the numbers and you don’t (or won’t) have enough coming in to cover your expenses. But… at least you now know how much you will be in the hole. Now you can make an informed decision to do one or more of the following:

Before you retire

- Stay employed longer than you planned, and/or

- Cut your current spending

After you retire

- Plan to have a part-time job, and/or

- Cut your spending

Other than winning the lottery or robbing a bank — I think these are our only four options!

PRE-RETIREMENT

Stay employed longer than you planned

Often this option is taken from our control, due to age discrimination in the workplace or due to health problems — yours or your spouses. But… if you can stay employed it is the best of all solutions for a financially easier retirement. You earn more money, you get more social security credits, you pay off your mortgage, and you can put more into savings — win, win, win. Even just another six months can make a real difference.

The biggest win of all is if you can stay employed after age 70. You will not only have your salary, but you can also get your maximum social security payments. Yes, taxes are taken out of it, but the net can still be a substantial bonus.

Cut your spending before you retire

This is a wonderful strategy (if hard to make yourself stick to!) because it helps your retirement in two different ways.

1. It lets you save more money before you retire (and thus have more you can withdraw each month of retirement), and

2. It lets you discover which of your expenditures are easy (or easy-ish!) to do without and which are not.

POST-RETIREMENT

Plan to have a part-time job in retirement

The bad news about part-time jobs is that they typically pay very little. (See Chapter 23 for part-time jobs that pay more.) If you find you must work for low wages, try to work in an environment that gives you some emotional satisfaction. For example, at a bookstore, clothing store, jewelry, toys, feed lot, hardware — anything where you have an interest. Sometimes we just miss talking to other people — so these jobs can give you contact as well as a little extra money.

If you can set it up with your employer before you retire, some companies are happy to have employees working part time in their “retirement.” These jobs typically pay more. You can substitute teach, fill in for employees on vacation, or take something previously farmed out to a service firm and cover it yourself.

If you have specialized skills, you can contact a temp agency — where you could work or not on your schedule in accounting, HR, clerical, databases, etc.

Or… if you’re a professional, you could start your own one-person service business. The kind where you spend almost nothing to launch — but can pull in some decent money for the hours worked. (See Chapter 35: Discover if your new biz idea will succeed — BEFORE you launch .)

Living on less if you’ve already retired

The following (Chapter 30) offers some excellent ideas on retiring with limited resources.

30

A SATISFYING RETIREMENT WITH LIMITED RESOURCES

CAN THAT WORK?

BY BOB LOWRY

Here are two retirement questions that are asked regularly:

- "If savings and investments are not sufficient to live the way I hoped to, can retirement still be a happy experience?"

- "If I must depend on Social Security for the bulk of my monthly income, what are my prospects?"

I grew up in America. I was taught that continuous consumption is good and essential to our way of life. I learned that money is necessary and powerful. I believed that more money and possessions equaled more happiness.

Without questioning the reasons or justification, I bought the "work hard, make lots of money, and you are a success" mantra.

I was misled. Not until my retirement did I understand the real correlation between one's financial situation and happiness:

- Consumption is not always right, nor is it connected to a positive way of life.

- Money is not necessarily linked to importance or power.

- Money and possessions do not equal happiness.

With that foundation, let me answer the two questions:

Yes, and sound.

I'm not trying to be flippant. Rather, if nothing else after 17 years of retirement, the experience of writing a blog on retirement and interacting with tens of thousands of people, I have been allowed to see some serious fallacies behind the assumptions most of us carry with us.

Sure, having investments or a pension that produce a reliable income and savings that can cover a significant crisis, lifestyle changes, monetary help for family members, or a way of satisfying some bucket list wants is nice. All of us would probably prefer that situation.

But the reality is, not all of us do. Many of us don't even come close to that dream. Among all retirees, 21% of married couples and 43% of singles rely on just Social Security for 90% of their total income. That equals tens of millions of people. Of course, there are way too many who are desperately poor due to a combination of factors that I can't adequately address in this post.

But, for those who might ask the questions that opened this post, what do these folks do? How do they spend their retirement years? Is it possible to be happy and have good prospects?

My most crucial suggestion has nothing to do with money. It has to do with accepting adjustments . Maybe you thought your retirement would include travel, perhaps even a vacation home, lots of meals out, season tickets to the ballgames or orchestra.....whatever you pictured in your mind.

That isn't the way things turned out. That is the reality. But, it doesn't have to dictate whether your retirement is happy or not. It shouldn't make you feel like you're "failing" retirement because you can't do what others can. Your financial resources may set boundaries on retirement, but it absolutely doesn't have to determine what happens within those boundaries. That is still within your control.

Sure, living solely on Social Security or a smaller savings account means you may have to change your living arrangements: living with family, having a roommate, living in a manufactured home instead of your apartment or house. Your food choices will be more limited, but as we age, we eat less and require less to maintain a healthy weight.

The number of free things you have access to would overwhelm most people in the world: libraries, concerts, educational classes, health clinics, meals, and activities at the local senior center. Oh, and let's not forget one of the real joys of life: interacting with family and friends doesn't have to cost a penny.

Discount prescription drugs are increasingly available. Most senior centers schedule low-cost day trips to the type of places tourists may spend hundreds of dollars to visit. Need a massage or hairstyling? Go to a local barber college or massage school. You are likely to find vastly reduced prices since students have to perfect their skills on someone.

For many, the spiritual side of life provides comfort and a sense of belonging. Churches and other organizations offer friendship and support. Even if you prefer to walk a spiritual path alone, your beliefs provide support and purpose to your life. This fits any budget.

Access to a computer opens up an endless world of knowledge, games, interactions with others, videos, studying a subject that interests you, and learning a new skill. If your budget doesn't stretch enough to cover an Internet service, every library in the country has computers available for use by anyone.

Is your smartphone eating up too much of your budget? Several companies offer a basic talk and text service for a fraction of what the big boys charge. Can't justify the cost of a streaming service like Netflix?  I'll point you back to the library with thousands of DVDs available to take home.

In addition to adjustments, I will add one more "A" word to this post: Attitude.  Being happy and content is an internal function, a decision made by you. It has nothing to do with finances. Sitting in a park on a beautiful day, eating a peanut butter sandwich and washing it down with a bottle of water costs virtually nothing. Still, it can add a tremendously positive experience to your day.

Financial resources do not have to determine how satisfying a retirement lifestyle  is. Too many people don't believe that and end up dispirited and defeated. Don't accept that as your fate.

A satisfying retirement and limited resources can work. Trust me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Bob Lowry was a management consultant for radio stations before retiring in 2001. He has written and contributed to several books about retirement. Since 2010, he has written the blog,  Satisfying Retirement in a Changing World ( SatisfyingRetirement.com ) Bob lives with his wife in Arizona.

This article is copyright 2020 by Bob Lowry.

PART VIII

WHERE TO LIVE?

For some of us, this is not a question.

We may have a strong support system where we currently live. Or we may choose to remain where we are (or move) in order to be closer to the grandkids.

For the rest of us, part of retirement planning is considering where the heck we might want to live.

Key reasons for choosing a new location:

Money

- See the next chapter (28) on state taxation of different forms of income. Your retirement funds could be cut substantially by choosing the wrong state to live in.

- Some states protect you from surprise healthcare bills that aren’t covered by your insurance. Other states don’t.

- Cost of living. Reasons why some retirees move to Mexico or Portugal.

- You can still launch and profit from a small business — even after moving out-of-state or even out-of-country.

Quality of the healthcare available in your area

- I decided against one retiree-popular area in Arizona when I read the many detailed and horrible complaints against the only hospital serving the area.

Weather

- Many have decided that retirement means never having to walk around in snow and ice ever again!

- But… will global warming make hot-climate cities intolerable in the summer? Or too expensive to cover the A/C power costs?

Fun

- Not being tethered to a job has allowed many people who love new places to travel and move to them.

- Or… you could get an RV and live on the road for as long as it remains fun for you.

31

STATES WHICH GRAB MORE OF YOUR RETIREMENT INCOME

HOW MUCH OF your hard-earned interest, pension, and/or social security income can you keep?

Be very careful in picking the state where you will retire. The wrong choice could cost you thousands of tax dollars — every single year!

First in line to grab some of your hard-earned retirement income is, no surprise(!), the U.S. government.

Federal income taxes

The U.S. applies taxes to 50% of your social security benefits if all your non-social-security income and 1/2 your social security benefits add up to $25,000 (single) or $34,000 (joint) filers. The IRS will tax 85% of your social security benefits if the total of other income & 1/2 social security benefits adds up to $34,000 (single) or $44,000 (joint). The actual dollar amount of taxes you pay will depend on your deductions, business income, etc.

This troubles me. Doesn’t $25,000/year seem like a really low income to be hitting with taxes? Especially for an age group that will be hit with high health insurance premiums and co-pays? If we and AARP manage to save social security from those who want to gut it, perhaps raising this $25,000/$34,000 number should be the next battle.

State income taxes

On top of federal taxes, 13 states will charge you state taxes as well on your social security benefits. Those states include: Colorado, Connecticut, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, North Dakota, Rhode Island, Utah, Vermont, and West Virginia.

Some of them (not all!) give tax credits. So in Colorado, you can exempt the first $24,000 of annual income from all sources. In New Mexico, it’s only $8,000. (That’s 13 states I’m not moving to!)

States that tax pension income

If you have pension income, it may or may not be taxed, depending on the state and on the type of pension it is.

These states have no income taxes, so your pension and/or social security income is safe. Wyoming, Washington, Texas, South Dakota, Nevada, Florida and Alaska.  Two states don’t tax pensions or social security (or other income), but they DO tax dividends and interest: New Hampshire and Tennessee.

These three states do tax income, but not retirement income (which includes IRAs, thrift plans, 401(k)s, military and other government pensions and deferred compensation programs): Illinois, Mississippi, and Pennsylvania. Other states give you a credit to offset some of the taxes on retirement income — but the number varies greatly from generous to miserly.

If you have a military or state government pension, you really must check out each state individually. Military pensions are taxed by 42 states(!) while an also large number will tax pensions from other states. One good source to check is Sapling.com . But this is critical enough to warrant a meeting with a good tax advisor.

State sales taxes

But income taxes aren’t your only problem. Here’s a great chart showing you the sales tax charged by each state, plus an estimate of what is added by their local sales taxes: Sales Tax Institute

Taxing groceries is a particularly onerous tax, in my opinion. But 14 states do it. Full state sales taxes are charged on groceries by: Alabama, Hawaii, Idaho, Kansas, Mississippi,  Oklahoma, and South Dakota.

The following states charge a reduced sales tax for groceries: Arkansas (3%), Illinois (1%), Missouri (1.225%), Tennessee (5.5%), Utah (1.75%), Virginia (1.5% + 1% local option tax), and West Virginia (5%).

You can learn which of these states give a tiny credit ($20/year!!!!) to seniors to offset this by going to: Tax Foundation.

Best overall tax evaluation of each state

If your brain is as fried as mine by trying to figure out where, exactly, you’ll be best off tax wise, I recommend Kiplinger ’s wonderful “retirement tool”. This tool shows you all states rated from worst to best in taxes. And you can highlight five you might be considering and “compare” them on a single page. Plus if you click on the individual states, you get full details about why Kiplinger rated them as they did, taking into account all the taxes in that state.

Hint: Based on their work, I’m also writing off Vermont, Nebraska and Utah from my future locations. And who knew Pennsylvania is one of the best tax-wise? Maybe I’ll stay put!

Just make sure if you have a military or state government pension, you double check any state before deciding.

32

STATES THAT LET INSURANCE COMPANIES SCREW YOU OUT OF YOUR MONEY

YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. You picked a doctor within your health plan network. You made sure the hospital was in your network. Yet you suddenly face a bill for thousands of dollars for doctors or anesthesiologists who were not in your network.

Bait and switch, anyone?

Only about a quarter of the states have even the smallest protection for this. A few states — California, Connecticut, Florida and New York — have passed laws since 2015 giving stronger protections . If you live in another state — your politicians care more about donated campaign money from insurance companies than they care about you.

The Journal of the American Medical Assn (JAMA) investigated physician fees by specialty. While General Practitioners and other frequently seen doctors typically charge less than twice what Medicare pays, other specialties were substantially different. The worst were anesthesiologists — exactly a specialty likely to hit you with “out of network” surprise fees. They typically charge more than six times the Medicare rate.

Close behind them at four times the Medicare rate are other specialists who are also likely to surprise you by being out of your network: radiologists, emergency physicians, pathologists, and neurosurgeons.

Consumer Reports has worked with consumer advocacy organizations in several states to enact laws “barring out-of-network balance billing for services at in-network hospitals. Balance billing leaves the consumer on the hook for what the insurer doesn’t cover by an out-of-network doctor.”

The need is for federal action to protect all U.S. consumers. There was an attempt to stop this practice in 2018. The End Surprise Billing Act , introduced by Rep. Lloyd Doggett (D-Texas) would have protected consumers from balance bills in emergency situations. Doggett reintroduced the bill in 2019, where it has sat in the health committee. Meanwhile a similar “surprise billing” act was introduced bill by Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-La.).

Thus far — no federal protections after two years of infighting. However… ending surprise billing was one of the campaign promises from Joe Biden.

What can you do?

Consumer Reports has some excellent advice, including talking to your doctor, talking to the hospital when you first fill out admission forms, and fighting the bill.

One great step you can take is to go to End Surprise Medical Bills at Consumers Union and join their campaign to apply political pressure on more states to protect their citizens. And to support legislation at the federal level.

33

LIVE ON THE BEACH — OR IN A SKI LODGE — AND STILL RUN YOUR BUSINESS

THERE ARE TWO WONDERFUL BOOKS/BUSINESSES developed from the idea that you have your cake (business) and eat it too (live where you want). If this idea sounds great to you, I strongly recommend you read each of the two books listed below. One is more aspirational while the other more operational — but between the two of them you can figure out both what you want and how to start getting it.

Become a “free-range human” entrepreneur!

Marianne Cantwell has a wonderful book that’s led to a great free blog — all to help you plan your escape from the 9-5 and commutes. It’s a great read and very inspiring. Read it first — just to get all fired up about the opportunities available.

She’s also great about how to plan your escape from your job in stages — so you can actually afford it(!)

Marianne has some wonderful chapters on finding out how best you work. Because if you try to promote your company in a way that doesn’t work for your personality, you 1) won’t be very good at it, and 2) you’ll burn out easier. If you want more, there’s a great blog at: free-range-humans.com

Become a “suitcase entrepreneur”!

If Free Range Human gets you more stirred up about taking your business on the road, the next step is to read Natalie Sisson’s The Suitcase Entrepreneur. Natalie will show you the actions you need to take to make it a reality.

This book is loaded with practical advice on travel, banking, tools, safety, and everything else you may not have thought about but should before you jump on that plane to Fiji(!)

She has great chapters, such as “How to build a world-class team you may never meet” and great add-ons you can find on her website if you have bought the book.

If you want more, she also has a great free blog at SuitcaseEntrepreneur.com .

34

SHOULD YOU BUY AN RV?

SOMETIMES IT SEEMS like senior citizens have all bought RVs and have all hit the road, including myself. But… should you join us?

The answer is very dependent on you and your circumstances — social, medical and financial.

If you are a single woman, don’t stop reading — you may be surprised at the benefits of owning one. I certainly was. The only reason I got one originally was because my dad’s wife suddenly banned animals inside her house. Which meant I couldn’t visit her or my dad, unless I was willing to get a local hotel room and leave my two small dogs inside for hours.

Instead, I got an RV and parked it on her land by the house. Win for my dogs, win for me, and win for her.

Technical concerns

You do not have to be mechanically knowledgeable to be the single owner of an RV. It would help, no doubt. But if you can “handle” owning a car, you can do the same with an RV. I take mine for a checkup before any big trip. Most RVs are built on a Mercedes or Ford chassis so you can go to your Ford dealer, or your Mercedes dealer for the “vehicle” part of your RV.

You don’t have to learn the grimy, tough work of a mechanic. You DO have to learn a lot of switches, levers and procedures. Once you buy an RV, the dealer must spend the time to walk you through everything — how it all works. I warned them up front I would be taking a long time with this. I took videos on my phone of step-by-step directions for every procedure. We opened every panel that existed, and with pointed finger and instructions — I recorded exactly what to do for what — and how. Happily, much of it is intuitive, so I only had to look at my videos three times when I ran into problems.

Medical constraints

If you have a serious medical condition and need to be by your doctor — this is not a good idea for you… unless traveling the USA is on your bucket list and you’ve been told the sooner the better(!)

If you are in “normal” health, which means nothing too constraining and nothing imminent — you might wonder just how you would handle sickness or a broken bone on the road. Good Sam Club (the gorilla in RV insurance, roadside assistance, and RV parks) has a Travel Assist program that for $59/year will cover emergency travel for medical purposes, plus (if you can no longer drive) return your RV to your home. It will also assist you in pet care and return as well as eye prescriptions and glasses replacements.

Financial constraints

Let’s be very frank here — buying an RV is a big financial mistake, unless you fit into one of three groups:

1. You’re wealthy enough to buy for cash and not miss it.

2. You’re very technically proficient and can evaluate a used RV and be sure of what you’re buying — and can fix anything you missed(!)

3. You’re planning to live in your RV for at least a couple of years

While I didn’t fit into any of above, I especially didn’t fit into #2. As a result, I was too worried to buy a used RV. No surprise, you lose thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars when you first drive a new RV out of the dealer lot. And you lose more each year you drive it.

Putting this much money into an “asset” that depreciates substantially each year instead of appreciating is not financially savvy. Dealers make the monthly payments really easy, but consider what it means to have this payment due for the next 15 (or more?) years. It may well mean you can’t retire when you would like. And if you get sick and can’t work — REALLY not good!

The “ick” factor

A number of women and a few men have asked about handling the toilet dumping in an RV. Let me assure you, it isn’t a big factor. You attach a large (3″ diameter) flexible hose to your RV, with the other end going downhill into a dump tank in the ground by your RV. Then you pull your RV’s black lever out. This lets all the contents of your toilet tank leave your RV. There’s a noticeable, but mild, odor. Once the tank is empty, you push back in the black lever and pull out your grey lever. This dumps out all the “grey” water from your shower and faucets. What it also does is wash out the inside of your flexible hose and remove any smell.

Traveling Pairs

I’ve seen lots of different “couples” traveling in RVs together. Spouses primarily, but also friends, uncles with nieces or nephews, grandma with granddaughter, and many more. I haven’t met anyone else traveling alone, but I know I’m not “alone” in this because of people I’ve “met” on the RV travel boards.

Traveling Alone – Security concerns

Everyone has different levels of security concerns. Mine are pretty high having grown up with a criminal attorney father whose stories about his clients scared the heck out of me. I also later lived in New York city.

There’s a great set of discussion forums at RV.net . I asked about personal security there. One woman told me she parks her RV at National Park campgrounds and feels totally secure. Another woman actually parks hers in the middle of nowhere in national parks and also feels secure.

Myself — I stay at high-rated Good Sam RV parks almost exclusively — which fits my higher security level needs. I also, once, spent the night parked at a Flying J truck-stop gas station — which also seemed secure. However, I did walk my dogs at a previous stop so I didn’t have to get out at all when I pulled into the Flying J. I figured in the morning when I got gas and food was soon enough to alert anyone I was old and female. Some guys on the forum suggested turning back to my RV as though talking to a spouse and saying, “OK, but next time it’s YOUR turn to walk the dogs!”

You will hear a lot about parking overnight at WalMart for free. I do NOT recommend it. Fights have been reported in the parking area at night among people doing this. Also know that many cities forbid Walmart to allow overnight parking because they figure it’s taking money away from their hotels.

What do you DO with your time when you’re traveling alone?

I get asked this a lot from other campers. But the answer is “whatever I normally do, plus more.” I spend hours on the computer. I read books. I work on my jewelry-making hobby. I play with my dogs. I watch my (sigh!) Mets games on MLB.com.

AND… I visit with family and friends along the way. AND I take in whatever the local area offers. For example, one day in Nashville my nephew, who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years, came over and we went jet skiing. (That’s my RV in the photo, parked at Nashville Shores.)

And… once I retire, I’m taking my RV to Port St. Lucie in Florida for the month of March and getting season tickets to the Mets’ Spring Training games there. At least in March, the Mets can look forward to a GREAT new season!

PART IX

START YOUR OWN BIZ

Why a section on starting your own business in a book about aging?

Because so many seniors either start one or consider it! According to SmallBizTrends.com roughly 10% of seniors have just started a new business and more than 25% are considering it.

A 2019 Kauffman Foundation research study found more than 25% of new entrepreneurs were ages 55-64. In 1996 that number was just 15%.

Women, especially, are likely to launch a small business — 72% of home-based businesses are operated by women vs. 61% for men.

Having your own business is your best form of self-protection — against ageism that will try to push you out of employee positions. A report from Halvorsen & James at the Center on Aging & Work at Boston College found the incidence of self-employment to be:

- 1/6 of all workers in their 50s

- 1/3 of all workers in their late 60s

- 1/2 of all workers over age 80

Why you should launch a business

Launching a small business helps with the biggest worries/problems in retirement:

- It can bring in some money

- It can give you something interesting to do,

- It can overcome potential emotional problems in retirement — a lack of confidence, feeling insignificant, and feeling invisible.

Why you should ignore most “entrepreneurship advice”

Launching a business as a source of retirement money, activities, and social connections is very different from trying to launch the next Google. Or even the next Mom & Pop’s Corner Store.

Most important — you don’t want to risk any money because you won’t be able to replace it. This strictly limits the type of business you should consider.

Consulting or another personal services business (e.g., taxes, bookkeeping, legal, marketing, training, etc.) is good — and can often be started before retiring, so you can continue it to the extent you want. They should require almost nothing to launch.

Selling downloadable or home-made products on the Internet is another good option. You can typically test your idea for a few hundred dollars before spending more.

Before you decide, make sure you read the following chapter 35— Discover if your new biz idea will succeed — BEFORE you launch!

35

DISCOVER IF YOUR NEW BIZ IDEA WILL SUCCEED — BEFORE YOU LAUNCH!

NOBODY WANTS to spend a ton of money launching a new business — only to discover they might as well have set it on fire. It’s doubly true if you’re a senior — as you won’t have as many years (if any!) to recover financially.

CB Insights (a venture capitalist database) examined what contributes to the failure of new businesses. “After analyzing 101 startup postmortems, they found that 42% suffered from a lack of demand for the product or service being offered. They used a harsh phrase to describe this cause of failure: ‘no market need.’” (Source Harvard Business Review)

This one flaw harmed significantly more companies than well-known startup challenges such as cash flow (29%), competition (19%), and poor timing (13%), to name a few.

Fortunately, you can determine this market need (or lack thereof) BEFORE you spend the big bucks!

“Proof of Concept” or “Testing”

In the tech-based world of startups, making darn sure there is demand BEFORE spending much money is called demonstrating “proof of concept.”

In the direct response world I come from — we call it testing. Or test marketing.

Note these do NOT mean “research.” Research before launching a business is great — it can increase your chances of success. But if you could only do research or a test — skip the research and do the test!

What’s the difference?

Tests have one key difference from research. In research, you ask people what they would do and what they want. In testing — you find out if people will actually pay money for your idea (or a part of your idea). There is a huge disconnect between those who say they like your idea and say they would buy your product or hire you (research) — and those who will actually fork out money NOW for your product or service (testing).

In short, if you aren’t SELLING your product/service/other — you aren’t doing testing.

How you test your idea depends on what you plan to launch

Service businesses:

If you plan to launch a one-person operation or large firm in consulting, accounting, financial planning, legal, photography, writing, etc. — you can prove your concept in only one method. You must get one or two paying customers up front.

You spend only the money needed to get a URL and email address (yourname@yournewcompany.com) and any promotional materials needed. If at all possible, you don’t even set up a website until you have your first client. If you’re still working (full or part time) you don’t quit until you have your first two clients. That’s your “proof of concept.”

If you are already retired and/or are starting a new business in an area where you don’t already know some people who might be willing to hire you, then you will need to pay for a website up front. Spend what is needed for it to look professional but as little as possible (see Chapter 37 for ideas). If you can’t get clients with a small but professional website, then you probably can’t get them with a large, full-bodied website either.

Remember — spend as little money as possible until you can prove that people will (and are!) buying your service. If they won’t — don’t waste more of your money!

Product sales:

If your business idea involves selling some type of product — either downloadable or physical — you can test your idea for very little money using Google AdWords.

You have to actually create the product to test it. If this is really expensive:

- See if you can make just a part of the product that would still be attractive to customers (e.g., it could be software that does just a part of what you want your full program to do).

- Or, instead of selling multiple items (a clothing website, for example), you specialize in just vests. Or hats. Or scarves.

If you can succeed with the limited product or product line, then you can expand.

You create a website page that directly sells your product (it’s called a “landing page”). You then create a text ad on Google AdWords that sends people to your landing page. And you create “keyword phrases” — what someone who wants EXACTLY what you’re offering would type into Google search to find your product. This is typically 2-4 words, such as “luxury bath oils” or “organic cat treats.”

You buy those keyword phrases from Google, which will show your ad to anyone typing in those words in their search engine. Then you see if 1) the people who see your ad actually click on it and 2) if they click on it and see your landing page — do they actually buy your product?

Warnings on protecting your money!

Set limits with Google, or they could burn up a lot of your money very quickly. You can tell them the maximum you are willing to spend in a day. Once Google hits that number, they will stop running your ad for the rest of the day. Then they’ll start running it again the next day, again until they hit your daily limit.

Also — watch your Google AdWords account like a hawk for the first 5 days. You will find some of your keywords get lots of clicks and no sales. Drop those keywords — so you’re not wasting more money on them.

Your test results

If you get a bunch of clicks and no sales — stop running the ads and rethink your business idea. If you can think of a way to make it more appealing, change your landing page and try again.

However… if you still don’t get sales — you must accept that not many people want your product/idea. This will be the hardest thing you have ever done.

Many, many entrepreneurs refuse to believe the results and keep going — wasting their money. This includes myself. I’ve tested several ideas that got almost no sales — and made myself shut down the idea and look for something else. But… once I got very mediocre results for a paid-subscription newsletter. I was bitten by the hubris bug — just like you might be. I figured I’d launch anyway and I could “improve” my marketing until the responses were better.

I knew my target market NEEDED my product. What I didn’t want to face was that even though they needed it — they didn’t WANT it. So I wasted about $10,000 over the next three months — until I finally swallowed my pride and shut it down.

Bad results? No problem!

If you’ve had one idea for a new business, you can surely think up another one or two. So if you test your idea and you don’t find enough demand for it — kill it and save your capital.

Then when you have your next new business idea — you’ll still have the money to test it. Hopefully that idea will test better and you can use the launch funds you still have to start a successful business.

This way you will NOT become one of the 42% of new business entrepreneurs who spend their nest egg to launch a business that isn’t wanted by the projected customers. And who then don’t have the funds left to launch the next idea they have for a new business.

36

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR BIZ WITH A TRADEMARK

SO YOU HAVE an idea for the name of your new product/service, but you’re worried someone else will steal it. Or you worry someone else may have already taken the name you want.

A simple trademark search is your first step. And lucky for you, it’s both easy and free to see what anyone in the U.S. has trademarked.

What can you trademark? A word, phrase, symbol, or design that distinguishes the goods and services of one company from those of another.

One complication: You must apply for each category of product/service that fits yours (there are 45). For example, one person could own “Shockingly Pink” for a newsletter, and another person could own that same name (with a different typeface) for a restaurant.  Large companies file for their trademark in a number of different categories. I looked up Nike, and you wouldn’t believe all the categories for which it owns the name including, for example, for cell phones(!)

Should you even consider one?

Any name that is “descriptive” is likely to not be trademarkable. For example: “Healthy Diet Plan” or “Joe’s Body Shop.” In that case, forget a trademark and just go to a domain registry and see if anyone owns the URL for the name you’re considering.

STEP 1 — Free Searches

There are three free searches you should undertake when first considering trademarking your name:

1. Check a domain registry (e.g., Tierra.net ) and search for your trade name as a domain. Someone may already have your name with a “.com” at the end, but not with some of the other extensions, such as “.net.” If that is the case, find their website and see if they are in the same class of goods/services as you. Example: Someone else already had SeniorDefender.com, but it was a law firm. That meant my blog (educational/publishing categories) could still use the name, with a “.net”.

2. Check the U.S. trademarks

- Go to U.S. trademark search (you can Google it)

- Look for the box that says “Search Trademark Database” then click on “Search TESS”

- Click on the “Basic Word Mark Search (New User)”

- Type in your desired name (in one, two or three words), then “Submit Query”

- If there are no records, then nobody owns that name on a national basis.

- For fun, I typed in “aging” and found a number of taken trademarks. I got a laugh out of “F*ck Aging.” It’s owned by a Florida gentleman in three different categories: wearing apparel, exercise equipment and exercise instruction.

3. Check your state trademark database , if nobody owns the name in the national database. Go to your state’s Secretary of State website and search for their trademark database.

STEP 2: PROTECT your name!

Assuming you found your desired name is available, take these immediate, FREE steps:

- Put a small TM at the end of your trademark. This warns anyone who sees your name that you intend to protect it. Not doing this is as risky as publishing copy without putting a copyright notice on it. People can assume it’s free for the taking.

- The small TM on your business name is GREAT protection, because it can mean one of three things:

1. You’re protecting this name and you plan to (someday) get a trademark for it

2. You have already received a state trademark for the name, or

3. You’ve applied for a national trademark which you haven’t yet received

- USE the name in business as soon as possible. Run an ad. Print a flyer. And keep proof (in a safe deposit box) of the date you first used it in business.

STEP 3: Decide what kind of trademark you will seek

National Trademark: This is the gold standard for the U.S. and it is the only registration that allows you to put a small “R” in a circle by your name. Unfortunately, it will cost you around $1-3 thousand.

You can Google and find a listing of trademark attorneys by state . Note there is no reason why your trademark attorney has to be in your state. There’s really no need to meet with them personally. However, ONLY use an attorney who specializes in trademarks and intellectual property — or you’ll regret it!

LegalZoom.com, whom I usually like for cheaper alternatives, has a trademark filing operation that doesn’t even search state databases, so I don’t recommend them for this.

Make sure your quote from the trademark attorney includes them searching the national and all 50 state databases, as well as unregistered marks. Ask if they include a global search as well, although if they charge extra for it, you might decide the extra money isn’t worth it.

Don’t try to do it without an attorney! Yes, you can search all state databases for about $150. Throw in unregistered and it’s $299. Throw in global and it’s $499 total. (These fees from TrademarkEngine.)  The U.S. filing fees are anywhere from $225-$400, depending on circumstances. Your attorney will add in $750-$2,000.

If you go without the attorney, you are likely to be still waiting after 18 months — with no trademark in sight. I know because that happened to me a couple of decades ago. I had to finally cave in and hire an attorney before I got my trademark.

State trademarks:  If you’re only going to do business in one state, a state trademark is all you’ll ever need. But… they can be great for national marks as well.

Even if your business is national, a state trademark might be your best next step if money is tight and/or you’re unsure your business will succeed. The state mark along with at least a minimal website using your trade name as the url will give you plenty of protection until you can see if your business will succeed enough to justify spending the money for the national trademark.

Why do I like state trademarks so much as a temporary step for those launching a new business on a tight budget?

- They’re cheap. (I got my SeniorDefender.net Pennsylvania trademark for just $50.)

- They’re fast. (My Pennsylvania trademark took just 2 weeks to arrive.)

- They put companies on notice that someone already has claims to the name. When someone goes to a trademark attorney, the search will turn up your name ownership.

- A new company can’t disregard your trademark on the grounds it’s only a state trademark. Trademarks are awarded based on first-used-in-business. By registering the trademark in the state, you have proof of when you first used the name in business. You need only prove that the usage was not limited to that state (make it clear on your website!) and you trump anyone who tries to use the name after you.

The “poor man’s trademark”: Please do NOT use this once-OK method of protecting your name.

Before the trademark databases (state and national) went online, the only cheap way to protect your trademark was to write it in a letter, along with any visuals, then pay the post office (today about $13) to mail it as a registered letter to yourself. Once you receive your envelop, you put it in a safe deposit box and NEVER open it.

If you ever get into a legal battle with another company which is claiming your trademark, you could deliver the unopened, dated registered letter to the judge. The date on it would prove when you had the idea.

There are two huge drawbacks with this plan:

1. Nobody knows you own the mark, since it won’t show up in legal searches.

2. You have to go to court to prove you own it. The cost of the legal battle would completely negate the money “saved” by going for this type of trademark.

37

GOOD WEBSITES — FOR CHEAP

YOU CAN’T HAVE a business today without a website — no matter how local and how small you are.  But you can save yourself a LOT of time, angst, and money by picking the right hosting company and formats.

There are certain “must haves” that will make your business life much, much easier. They are:

Must-Haves for your Website

1. You must be able to EASILY update and/or edit it yourself.

2. It must work well, automatically (that means without you having to do anything to make it happen!) on a computer AND on a mobile phone.

3. It should be very easy for you to create a basic website — no need to spend a lot of money OR time on a website before you know how successful the business will be.

4. You must own your own URL — e.g., MyWebsite.net, not HostingCompany.com/MyWebsite.

5. You want the simple format of the original to be easily scalable into a bigger, better, more professionally designed and managed website. (A new web designer shouldn’t have to scrap what is there and start from scratch to get you improved functionality you now need for your expanding business.)

A great list of must-haves can be found at Forbes Magazine.

3 develop-your-website options you can test for free

While there are plenty of free sites that can never look professional, here are three good sites that start free but can then morph into professional. (All three sites have a free version that will include ads on it. You can play with the free versions to see what you can do and if you like what you create. But if you decide to run with a version — you need to upgrade to a “pro” version of the site without any external ads. (Thanks to music marketing guru Dr. Eddie Severn for the first two.)

1. WIX.com:  You can build your site using their templates or code the pages yourself. When you have a site ready for the world, you pick one of their plans which include web hosting: $5/month is their cheapest, but it includes Wix.com ads. Better plans run from $11 to $25 a month depending on your needs.

2. WEEBLY.com:  Another site with lots of templates which differ based on your needs. Their prices run from free to design to $4/month (paid annually) for a site which includes their ads. You’ll want either their Pro ($144/year) or Business ($300/year) plans.

3. WordPress.com: This is the gorilla in the industry for blogs — and the one I use for SeniorDefender.net. But… it also has shopping cart capabilities and some good tools of their own — and a ton of outside apps designed for it. For example, I have used different second-party plug-ins for a form that offers a free report if you subscribe. You can try WordPress with their “personal” version for $48/year (no unwanted ads!), then upgrade to their Premium version which costs $100/year, or (for plug-ins) their Business version which costs $300/year. I can tell you their customer support is both excellent and free (for premium version users) — and when have you ever heard that before?!

Note: When I needed a web designer to add an autoresponder, and another to add a slider, it was easy to find ones who work with Wordpress websites. And… I was surprised to find several professional designers who will design and maintain your sites for you — that use WordPress as the base platform they build upon.

If you want a web designer from the first

You can find web designers at Upwork.com . I like hiring someone from there, especially someone “up and coming” instead of “renown” — because they care very much about getting a good recommendation from you so they can get more work from others through the site. Of course, there are always bad apples, so you need to proceed with caution. I started with a small project, offered a price for it on the high side, spelled out EXACTLY what I wanted, and the money wasn’t released until I informed upward.com I was satisfied.

Another alternative — if you have a college in your area you may be able to find students to set up your website. The problem is figuring out which professor to contact. You might think computer science — but sometimes the most appropriate students for web design are taking electronic design — in the art department. Find out who teaches a class in website design and contact her/him about hiring one of their best students.

You may also need art work created. My logo was designed by a great college art student — Jeff Foulsham . I’ve also found good logos and book cover designs at fivrr.com

Start with what you need!

Most new businesses don’t need a huge website from the first. You can add on later — when you know more exactly what your buyers will want. Start with only what someone needs to:

1. Understand your offerings (a home page and??)

2. Understand your credibility (people buying online demand to know with whom they are dealing. You need an “About” page that both gives your credentials and humanizes you.)

3. Complete whatever transaction you want to accomplish (Sign up for something? Call for an appointment? Click a link to receive something? Buy something?)

38

WRITING GREAT MARKETING COPY

WRITING marketing copy is a very specific skill, with only a few “geniuses” at it. If you can afford it, great copy writers can make a huge difference in your profits.)

Don’t think because you are a good writer in general that you can write marketing copy. Some of the worst copywriters I’ve ever seen were good writers and editors of magazines(!) Copy that sells is entirely different from writing articles.

If you’re a so-so writer — are you doomed? Not at all! There are ways to turn a “D” or “F” level marketing copywriter into a “B” level copywriter. Not up to an “A” — that takes natural talent. But a “B” is one heck of a lot better than a “D” or “F” — so it’s well worth your time and effort. Good marketing copy can triple or quadruple your results!

AIDA your copy!

The easiest tool to use is AIDA. It stands for the 4 things your marketing copy must do — and the correct order for doing them.

#1 – ATTENTION.  If your ad doesn’t capture someone’s attention, nothing else matters. The copy, the offer, the price are all irrelevant because they won’t be read. Depending on your offering and your target customer group, you do this through the headline, the lead photo, or both. Normally the headline is key. But if you’re selling a vacation getaway — the picture may be even more important.

How does your headline get attention? Shocking can work. Startling can work. But it will have to eventually be related to what they can get from your product/service. For example, I could get you to open any envelop I send you, if I just said on the envelop, “$10 bill enclosed.” But when you open it and the $10 isn’t there (and it won’t be!), I’d be facing a lot of bad will (not to mention mail fraud charges!).

#2 – INTEREST . This is a subhead or first paragraph. Here’s where you take the startling/intriguing headline and spell out 1) what’s in it for your prospect, and 2) why s/he should care.

#3 – DESIRE . After you capture your prospects’ attention, then turn it into interest that this might be something good for them, now you must make them DESIRE the product. This is a good time to remind yourself that nobody except you cares in the slightest about your product/service. People only care what a product/service can do for THEM.

Is there a problem in your customers’ lives that your product/service can solve? Paint a picture of their life once this problem goes away. Or how much easier their life or work will be. Will they be richer? Better looking? Happier? Have more friends? Have more excitement in their lives? Do NOT even mention your product in this section. Talk only about your customers’ lives.

(Note: This is extremely hard for many business owners. If you’ve mentioned your product at all in this section — delete it. You must only write here about your customers improved lives.)

#4 – ACTION . If you don’t tell people specifically the action they should take, you’ll lose about half the customers you could get otherwise! If they need to go to a website, tell them. If they should come to your store, tell them.

Also, people differ dramatically in how they prefer to take action. For example, I prefer to buy via a website checkout. Chat? Not interested. And I would rather have a tooth drilled without novocain than have to call someone to buy something. But a friend of mine very seldom buys anything without calling the company and talking to someone first. The more options you can give your potential customers, so they can act in their preferred manner, the better.

Take your skills even higher!

If you want to go beyond AIDA and shoot for even better marketing copywriting, I strongly recommend one particular book — Building a Story Brand,  by Donald Miller. This book starts with your target customers and takes you through creating a tag line and a story about your brand. He frames it as if you were writing a movie, with a hero (your prospect), a villain, a problem, and your brand as Yoda (guide).

I was so impressed with this book, I spent an entire class with my marketing students and had them each build a story brand for a company of their choice. The students had so much fun with it, they didn’t realize how much they were learning until afterwards!

I got a lot out of the book myself, even with my years of experience in copywriting.

Plus… if you find it works for you, Miller has a ton of free resources, including a daily free video, to help.

Can’t I just pay someone??!!

Yes, of course you can.

Here is a list of “best copywriters” I’ve found on the Internet. You can Google for this yourself and find other choices as well.

- Gary Bencivenga

- Drayton Bird

- Clayton Makepeace

- Bob Bly

- John Carlton

- Carline Anglade-Cole

- David Deutsch

- Bill Bonner

- Richard Armstrong

- Frank Joseph

- Ted Nicholas

- Michael Masterson

- Mike Palmer

Of this group, I’ve worked with Frank Joseph and Bob Bly and can definitely recommend both. I couldn’t find a current website for Frank’s copywriting. Bob can be reached at Bly.com .

Most important — both work in the direct response arena — both print and online — so they get results to let them know exactly what works and what doesn’t. You don’t want a copywriter without lots of direct response experience.

39

HOW TO SET UP ACCOUNTING SOFTWARE — WHEN YOU’D RATHER DIE!

I HAVE to confess I’ve been a happy, enthusiastic accounting software user for 20+ years now, but I know others don’t share my love of them. I picked this title and photograph because they completely represent many people’s feelings about accounting(!)

So let’s break this down by how much tolerance you have for the topic — so there’s something here to help everyone.

Are you asking to be robbed?

Some of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard from small business owners feature a bookkeeper or accountant (employee or outside contractor) who pocketed a lot of their cash — hundreds of thousands of dollars! And I’ve heard this story OFTEN!

No matter what decisions you make on accounting — whether you farm it out or hire employees to do it — make absolutely sure the bank statements, credit card statements, PayPal statements — ALL statements come to you directly. At home. You can have a copy go to your bookkeeper — but the originals must go to you at your home. If your bookkeeper can hand you a copy of the statements, the bookkeeper can change them without you knowing.

If you hate the idea of accounting — and want someone else to do it

This is your most expensive option. If you are willing to spend this money, fine. Just make absolutely sure to protect yourself from theft by reading the section right above this. Don’t assume it can’t happen to you.

I’ve seen it happen to both airheads and very smart business people who were just too trusting.

Note: If your statements aren’t going to you first, at home, YOU are too trusting!

If you detest bookkeeping — but are willing to enter checks & balance statements

Get a basic Quickbooks package and pay a bookkeeper or accountant to set it up for you. You should be able to get it set up for a couple hundred dollars. Maybe even less if you hire the bookkeeper to do quarterly or annual tax statements. Or you can pay QuickBooks $50 (a 1-time fee) to set it up for you.

They’ll set up the chart of accounts, so when you enter items into the program the amounts will go into the appropriate tax categories for your business.

You write checks. You deposit receipts. The software will automatically assign each to the tax categories your bookkeeper set up for you. Thus if you have car payments, they automatically go into “auto.” When you buy postage, it automatically goes into “postage.” When you get a check from Amazon for ebook sales in January, the deposit automatically goes into “Sales – ebooks.”

If you are willing — but nervous — to try doing it almost all yourself

Some accounting software — ANY accounting software — is better than trying to manage your revenues and expenses by hand.

Yes, you could list your expenses on a spreadsheet to start. And your revenues. But that is, truly, much more work than using basic accounting software.

Any competent accounting software for beginners will work just like a checkbook. You have to write checks. You have to deposit receipts. When you do that, you might as well do it in software that will automatically (after the first time) assign it to the tax category it belongs in.

When it’s time to do your taxes, you just click on “reports” and “P&L” and you can easily see everything — in the categories YOU set up. Need to know in December if you should buy something then or wait until the next year (January)? Again, just a couple of clicks will tell you.

If you’re willing to trade a little money for convenience, Quicken Home & Business ($90/year) or QuickBooks Self Employed ($180/year) are the best. They are very, very easy, and when your business is doing better — it’s easy to upgrade it to more advanced Quickbooks options.

Free accounting software

The following two websites each had a list of the best free accounting software. According to FitSmallBusiness.com,  these are the winners:

- Wave

- ZipBooks

- SlickPie

- xTuple PostBooks

- Gnucash

- Akaunting

According to TechRadar.com , these are the best:

- ZipBooks

- Money Manager Ex

- GnuCash

- TurboCASH

- Wave

- …and several more

How do you know if you need more than free software? If you want to integrate payroll, you’ll need a paid program. Also, the free programs don’t track your unpaid bills for you. Also, don’t expect tech support and as easy an interface for free programs.

For those comfortable with VERY BASIC accounting

Quickbooks is the recognized leader of the field — for a good reason. I’ve found it extremely easy to use. You enter checks and electronic funds transfers like you were putting them in a checkbook. You can easily balance your bank and your credit card balances. And it lets you track Assets and Liabilities.

The price used to be a great bargain but, in my opinion, it no longer is. I used to pay $60-80 every 5 years or so, changing only when my version no longer worked with the current Mac operating system. Today, they’ve transitioned to a monthly fee like MS Office — and the prices have doubled, tripled, and even quadrupled. Of course, compared to the cost of having someone else do it for you — the prices look reasonable.

Quickbooks’ website makes their prices look better — but that’s because they show a 50% off deal. If you look at the small print — that 50% off only lasts for three months. After that, you’re up to the following prices (as of January 2020):

- Their cheapest version, QuickBooks – Self Employed, is $15/month for $180/year. It’s meant for Schedule C businesses, so it also work for LLCs. This should be fine for any new business — unless: 1) you bid on jobs, or 2) you hire a lot of sub-contractors, or 3) you have a lot of payables to schedule.

- Next up is their Simple Start at $25/month. This version adds producing estimates and managing 1099 contractors.

- Next is Essentials at $40/month. This version adds managing Accounts Payable and lets you have 3 users.

- Then there’s Plus at $70/month. It adds in inventory tracking and lets you have 5 users.

A warning: Buyers have been desperate to buy QuickBooks on CDs — for one-time fees — while they still can. I grabbed one last year for myself and it’s been good. But if you look at buyer reviews, it appears QuickBooks is no longer servicing these products well — or at all. Particularly I’ve read terrible reviews of their $1,000+ CD versions which include multiple users, payroll, and the works. Trying to “save” by getting their final CD version may end up more costly than you want to pay.

Doing Payroll

None of the above versions include payroll. The cheapest version of that — which you can add to any of the above — is $22.50/month plus $4/month per employee.

But… even if you do your books yourself — seriously consider outsourcing your payroll. I’m a reasonably intelligent woman (member of Mensa, even) who spent about 12 hours reading everything I needed to know to handle my own payroll for my one employee — me. And I still got it wrong and heard so from the government.

40

HIRING PART-TIME OR PROJECT HELP

LET’S look separately at the two primary reasons for hiring part-time or project help:

1. Work you are not capable of doing for yourself, and/or

2. Work you do not WANT to do for yourself.

Help for what you can’t do yourself

Hiring part-time or project help is a no-brainer when it’s for something you can’t do yourself. For example, a logo design, a book cover, copywriting, web functionality, etc.

There are plenty of places you can go for this help. I like the two below because:

- Each designer BEFORE YOU BUY shows you designs they have completed for your type of projects.

- Each company holds the money until the person you hire completes the job as you have specified — a protection you will want and need.

- Each website shows ratings (and comments) from others who have hired this person. These ratings are critical for this person’s future orders from anyone — so there is a high motivation to please.

Fiverr — for design

I’ve had good success with Fiverr  finding designers for my logo and two of my book covers. Fiverr got its name because you could get help for $5. (Today, that is almost never the price!)

- Book cover design : When seeking this, I “hired” two different designers for $20 each, picking the two whose samples most impressed me. Of the two designs I got back, one just didn’t do it for me. But I loved the other one — which you can see for my Pricing Psychology Report book cover. Note: both of these designers were outside the US: one in Nigeria and one in Europe.

- Corporate logo : For this I hired two logo designers — one for $30 and one for $45. Each gave me three different versions — so I got six total. I was very happy with both designers, so it was a tossup as to which logo I finally used. You can see the one I chose on the home page  of my PricingPsychologyInstitute.com website.

UpWork  — for web design help and more

If you need web design help, I’ve had success twice using UpWork. I like it because I can be VERY SPECIFIC on exactly what I need, and Upwork finds designers to suggest who have done exactly that thing.

- For example, I build my websites in WordPress — and wanted to look only at designers with experience in WordPress.

- For my last project, I wanted to only see designers who had designed a carousel/slider in WordPress. What is this? You can see it at Help4Entrepreneurs .com. This slider moves across the page, showing new topics that can be selected. I posted a fixed rate offer of $300 on Upwork. I could have found someone willing to do it for $180, but I’m very happy with the price I spent and the quality of the work. I wanted to make sure I could edit it myself, so part of the job description was training me on how to edit and upgrade it myself going forward.

- You can also ask for bids for a job from your selected designers.

Help for what you don’t WANT to do yourself

Hiring a virtual assistant (VA) is one of the first hires considered when the amount of work gets too overwhelming. Or you can hire one before that happens(!) Natalie Sisson has a great chapter on this topic in her Suitcase Entrepreneur  book — well worth your reading. She quotes someone saying, “I hired my VA before I felt “ready” and I can honestly say that it was one of the most important decisions I made in the first year of my business.”

Where (and how) do you find them?

To test with a specific task, you may wish to use Upwork  (see above), provide detailed instructions, and a specific due date. It could also be a good idea to hire two people for your test. Other choices include:

- PeoplePerHour.com and

- HireMyMom.com

VirtualStaffFinder.com  is a resource you should also consider. They specialize in helping you hire a Virtual Assistant — and offer a free downloadable ebook, The Ultimate Virtual Assistant Salary Guide.  Get this ebook if you’re even considering hiring a VA. It has info I would never have considered, as well as normal salary ranges. For a full-time VA (as of 1/2020) they say the going rate is $450-$700/month, and the rate for a half-time VA (4 hours/day) runs half that. Obviously, at these rates, you’re looking at VAs based in the Philippines (most common) or India.

The state of California vs. your business

Just a word of advice. Don’t hire anybody on a regular independent contractor basis who lives in the state of California. California’s tax assessors try to make everyone an “employee” instead of an independent contractor.

As an employee, California can get tax money out of you for the state coffers. This was true even 15 years ago, when subscription newsletters were under siege from the state. Independent contractor freelancers, who wrote an article or two for your newsletter, were being reclassified by the state as employees. Today the state is after Uber drivers and everyone else who gets some amount of regular money from a business. Even if you’re just one of an independent contractor’s 2-4 clients — the state still wants them considered an employee.

It’s a bad situation for California freelancers, but if you contract with one of them it will be very bad and very expensive for your business. And don’t think you’re too small for California to find you — they’re going after EVERYBODY!

Last minute note: California voters just defeated a proposal requiring Uber and Lyft to hire all their drivers as employees. However, California has been after employers hiring freelancers decades before the arrival of these services, so I still can’t recommend hiring a California freelancer. But, perhaps it will be better some time in the future.

PART X

FUN!

There’s not much point in retiring — unless you use it to find new interests. New activities that can add joy and more fun to your life.

Unfortunately, we may not have a clue as to what we would enjoy doing! Busy lives filled with work, families, friends don’t leave a lot of time for hobbies. If you’re a Type A, even the sports you played weren’t just for fun. They were to get your exercise or to (golf) get closer to clients.

Not having a clue about what might enjoyably fill those 8-10 work hours is what keeps some people from considering retirement.

This part of the book looks at five different activities you might not have considered. Maybe they’ll spark interest in you. Maybe not. But they may give you an idea for something related that does tickle your fancy.

41

FEELING POWERLESS? GET BEHIND THE WHEEL OF AN RV

ONE OF THE more annoying effects on your body of living longer is feeling more frail. Even worse, that feeling starts affecting your mind. Feeling frail leads to feelings of powerlessness.

What to do? Go for a test drive of a RV!

There’s a lot I like about owning a RV, but I want to talk about what it does for your confidence. Especially if you’re a woman.

I read a ton when I thought about buying a RV. Books, articles, websites. One writer (male) scared me about Class A motorhomes (those shaped like buses). He wrote about buying one, then having it skitter all over the freeway when he drove it at speed — until he just stopped and traded it in on a Class C (those are the ones with the bed area hanging over the front of the cab).

So I’ve never driven a Class A. But… I’ve stayed at parks where I’ve met women driving them — apparently without problem.

After all that reading, it was time to see if I could feel comfortable actually driving one. So I went to a dealer and took out a 26 foot Class C motorhome. And was pleasantly surprised. You couldn’t just drive it on autopilot, like you do sometimes in a car. You had to remain mindful of the height and the length.

Is that a smile?

What surprised me was the grin that spread across my face, once I realized I could handle it. A grin that continues to appear every single time I’m driving the RV, now years later. Why? Because while driving it I feel bigger. Stronger. More powerful. More everything(!)

I’m the same height as the trucks on the freeway. I look truck drivers in the eye as we pass. Sometimes I smile as I see not quite a double take in their eyes, but a momentary freeze of surprise.

A friend of mine who raises horses once told me every woman should drive a huge, flat-bed truck at least once. I think I understand her now. I am woman, hear me roar?

Should work for you men, as well!

BTW, there’s a national organization with lots of local chapters called RVingWomen.org . They set up caravans and meets for women who drive their own RVs.

42

AGILITY TRAINING — FUN FOR YOU AND YOUR DOG!

IS YOUR DOG RAMBUNCTIOUS? Does he or she love toys? Chasing a ball? Consider setting up a cheap & easy agility course for your dog. It will increase your bond with each other -- and give you both more fun, more laughs, and more exercise.

However, if you have a lazy dog that just wants to sleep and snuggle -- this probably won't work. I have one of each type dog and my snuggle dog STEPS over the jumps -- he's not willing to jump even for treats(!) My other dog LOVES the jumps.

Wikipedia has a great overview of the sport, showing each type of equipment used. You can spend hundreds of dollars getting professional equipment -- or you can recreate almost all of it yourself for under $100.

For a fun, short video of a Papillon winning an agility course, click here or search YouTube for dogs winning agility competitions. It’s great for breeds from tiny dogs to Rottweilers.

How to set up a cheap-but-fun cours e

Here's how you can set up your own training course -- either in one side of your garage (for those of us who endure snowy winters) or outside. (See pix at the end for my garage setup.) Pick and choose what equipment you want to add. Start with what's easy & cheap and (if you both enjoy it) -- expand your fun!

Jumps: You can buy an adjustable professional jump for as low as $36. Or you can place some bricks or concrete blocks under each side of a pole. Here are the AKC regulations for how high the jump should be for your dog for safety reasons:

- 8" For dogs 10" and under at the withers

- 12" for dogs 10-14" under the withers

- 16" for dogs 14-18" at the withers

- 20" for dogs 18-22" at the withers

- 24" for dogs over 22" at the withers

(Note: a dog's withers are the highest point of his/her shoulders.)

Tire Jumps: I bought a tire jump for my dog (they're about $75 and are adjustable in height) because I thought it might be a more intimidating jump for her. But it really isn't. If you're just planning fun, you can skip this.

Tunnels: You'll definitely want to get this -- my dog enjoys it second most of all the equipment. You can get a professional 6' tunnel for $65 or a 9' for $90. Or...  you can buy a 6' kids tunnel at amazon.com for $19. AND the kids tunnel squishes up to a flat circle for storing.

You'll want to put a bend in the tunnel, so you'll need weights to hold the two ends in place and to push the tunnel into a bend. You can use bricks or concrete blocks, as you don't want the tunnel to roll on your dogs as it might scare them.

Chutes: This is my dog's favorite apparatus. It looks like a tunnel on one end, but the other is collapsed flat to the floor. The dog runs through and pushes his/her nose lifting the end until they are out of it. It takes only a couple of tries for them to get the hang of it. You leave them at the open end (someone else to hold them there is a real plus!), raise up the flat end a tiny bit, and wave a treat inside that the dog can see (food or toy).

I don't know how to make this equipment, but fortunately you can buy a cheap training version for $40 . Another tip -- at first roll the flat end back to the open end so it's only half the length. Soon you can expand it to the full length. You'll also need bricks or blocks to keep the opening circle steady.

SeeSaw: This seemed like too much trouble for me, so I haven't created one. You can buy a sturdy base for $99, but you have to get your own board (the dimensions are at either of the companies listed as resources below). You'll need to paint it and (if it's outside) you'll want a sanded paint so it's not slippery in wet weather. You could skip the base purchase if you have a smooth round log and you brace it so it can't roll with bricks or (depending on height) concrete blocks.

It is a good piece to train with as dogs are initially wary of the high side as it tips down and hits the ground. Dogs have to stay on it until it hits (a safety issue so they don't jump while it's moving).

Weave poles: These are the hardest for a dog to learn -- and the hardest for you to teach your dog. It's much easier if there are two of you -- one to hold the dog at the start and one to wave a treat at the end. But... it can be done alone. If I can do it (and I did), you certainly can! And both the dog and you will feel a huge accomplishment!

If you are outside, you only need to stick at least 6 poles in the ground, in a straight line, each 24" apart. But they need to be stuck pretty good as the dog is bound to brush against them -- and having one fall on the dog will cause a learning setback(!)

The cheapest "for sale" weave poles I've found are $60 for 6 poles. You will also want the optional wires for training -- for another $38. It guides the dog in the correct direction. Never let the dog step over the wire. If s/he does, make a short "eh" noise, pick up the dog and put them back at the start. It took my dog about 2 weeks to learn the poles reliably with the wires. Then you leave up the wire at each end, and push the wires in the middle down to the floor. Once they can do that (another week for me), you push all the wires to the floor. Then, pretty quickly (a couple of days for me), you can remove the wires entirely. At the risk of anthropomorphizing, my dog seemed (and still seems today) very proud of herself each time she runs through them.

Dog agility resources:

- The Beginner's Guide to Dog Agility (this is the book I got and I found it very informative)

- AgilityGear.com

- AffordableAgility.com

- Local training: Check your yellow pages (or yp.com) for local agility trainers. There is likely to be one in even smallish towns -- and you can have fun with others also training their dogs.

Agility setup pix (for one bay of a 2-car garage)

The first picture shows the front of my garage bay, with two jumps on the left, the weave poles on the right and in the back right the entrance to the chute.

The second picture is the back of that side of the garage, showing the chute, the tunnel and the back part of the weave poles.

43

YOU COULD TEST RECIPES FOR PUBLISHERS

IF YOU LIKE TRYING new recipes, you might enjoy “working” from your home for a test kitchen. A friend of mine is enjoying herself with it.

America’s Test Kitchens is soliciting new recipe testers for their many websites, magazines and cookbooks they publish. You can join them by using the link here:

https://www.americastestkitchen.com/recipe_testing

They try you out slow at first. My friend had a wait before receiving her first recipe to test. Then a wait before they sent her another one. Now, however, she gets one or two every week or two.

What are the requirements?

- You have 2 weeks to make the recipe and complete a short survey

- They want you to make the recipe exactly as stated at first, so they can discover if there are any problems with the recipe

- The questionnaire will ask if you ran into any problems, if you would make the recipe again, and if you would prefer to change anything about it

- You can’t discuss the recipes until after they are published

- You can always turn down (or ignore) an assignment if the dish doesn’t interest you

What will you be cooking?

My friend gets all sorts of recipes from salads to main dishes to desserts. She likes the surprise and the fun of doing something she hasn’t before. She’s made a pork chop dish, a roast, creamy vegan salad dressing, cookie cake bars, chocolate dessert, a quick bread, a chicken dish, a beet salad and more.

She’s also pulling out all her pots and pans and several of the cooking gadgets she’s bought over the years. However, if you get a recipe that requires something you don’t have and don’t want to buy, you can either:

- Ignore that recipe, or

- Email them to ask if they have an alternative to that gadget or if you should instead just not make the recipe

Are there any negatives?

Their websites are pretty hard sell.  My friend says they bombard you with their constant selling of their cookbooks, equipment, and cooking lessons.  Most of this is because she signed up for a multi-subscription to their America’s Test Kitchen, Cook’s Illustrated, and Cook’s Country websites (but did not buy their magazines). She likes participating in their online groups and reading other recipes. They offer this membership when you join — but you do not have to sign up for or buy anything to be a recipe tester for them. My friend just deletes the emails.

While you don’t have to buy anything from them, you will have to buy the ingredients for the recipes from your local store. And those ingredients can include fresh ginger, or a fresh herb, or a bottle of wine as well as the other ingredients.

If you live alone, another potential negative is that most of the recipes are for 4-6 people. Once in awhile for 12. You can either delight neighbors or do what my friend does and freeze it in 1-person portions for later enjoying.

Fun with the grandkids?

If you have day-to-day access to a grandchild who enjoys cooking, America’s Test Kitchens now has recipe testing for kids 7-18. You can join that group as well when you sign up. It might make some fun times to share with a grandkid who wants to learn to cook.

So… is recipe testing for you?

With apologies to Forrest Gump, my friend says recipe testing is like a box of chocolates — you never know what you will get. Which is just the way she likes it!

44

CREATE A MODEL TRAIN LAYOUT — FOR FUN AND FOR THE CHALLENGE!

BEFORE YOU RETIRE, try to find at least one — preferably two — hobbies that you find both fun and challenging. After all, you can’t play golf more than 5 hours a day (which came as a big surprise to a couple of men I’ve known who thought that was all they’d need).

Let me introduce you to one of my favorite hobbies — model railroading. And, no — it’s not only for men(!) though I’d guess 95% of those in the hobby are men. It’s true I don’t share many of their interests — such as operating a train to pick up a load of coal and transport it. But I love creating the scenes. And the scenes are so much more interesting when you have cute little trains — sorry, guys(!) — running through them.

Model trains are for both genders!

If you’re a woman who creates those little Christmas villages with lights — you would love model trains! You’re creating your own world, and it’s up to you what kind of world that is. Many men in the hobby are nostalgic and recreate a time and location from their childhoods. Reliving my childhood is absolutely not a dream of mine, so I created the magic of a long-ago trip to Japan. I’ve got a downtown Tokyo-type city on one half the layout, as well as the temples and old fashioned houses of old Japan on the other half.

If you’re a man who never thought about this hobby, find a local train club and attend a time or two. You might find a growing interest — and you might really like the male bonding thing of hanging out with other men working towards a common goal.

Interviews in Model Railroader magazine typically talk about the friendships developed through the hobby. Also note there are senior living communities now that have train rooms where you can continue the hobby.

Lots of learning challenges(!)

What will addict you to the hobby is how it challenges you. As you grow and improve your layout you find yourself struggling with — then achieving — so many new skills. You learn how to “pave” streets, use products which simulate water, make trees and bushes, build houses (or buy them already made), design towns, and build mountains. You can run lighting to all the houses on your layout, not to mention street lighting. You can add moving gondolas or wind farms.

There are a lot of products that make this hobby as difficult (or as easy) as you want. For example, some men love “laying track” and putting in the railroad ties by hand. I struggled with and hated flex track (it was supposed to be the easiest) when creating my first layout. But now I use an aptly named E-Z Track from Kato that just snaps together in the curves and shapes I want. In other words, you can suit yourself where you spend a lot of time and where you don’t. For me, I’d rather spend hundreds of hours building elaborate models of Japanese temples for my layout.

Introverts AND extroverts both welcome

Another wonderful thing about the hobby is that it’s for both introverts and extroverts. You can spend hours alone working on your railroad. Or you can join a club and work on a club railroad with others. There are clubs everywhere. For example, I live in a town that’s about 7,000 people. And we have a great model railroad club. There’s even one other female member in our club, who joined with her husband.

If you want to see what all the fuss is about, check out one of the world-renown miniature worlds listed below the next time you’re nearby. There’s nothing like seeing these in person. Or… check out https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/model-trains-that-are-model-worlds , where you can see video clips of these (and more!) in action.

- Northlandz, Flemington NY

- Roadside America, Shartlesville, PA (8,000 sq. ft)

- Miniature Railroad & Village, Carnegie Science Center, Pittsburgh PA

- The Great Train Story, Chicago Museum of Science & Industry, Chicago IL

- New Orleans Train Garden, New Orleans, LA

- San Diego Model Train Museum, San Diego CA (2,700 sq. ft.)

- Hara Model Railway Museum, Nishi-ku, Japan

- Miniatur Wunderland, Hamburg, Germany (50,000 feet of track)

I visited the Northlandz miniature world myself and it was amazing. It took about 2 hours to walk through it all and it was astonishingly detailed with funny vignettes throughout.

Here’s a one minute video clip of my current model train layout in action. (If you’re reading the print version of this book, go to SeniorDefender.net and search for “create a model train.” (Don’t miss Godzilla in my downtown Tokyo!)

45

DANCE — LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING!

WHAT'S NOT to like about something that is fun, improves your health, reduces your risks of dementia, and -- did we mention? -- is FUN?

It's certainly needed. A study by USC's School of Gerontology found less than 1/3 of adults from 65-74 were physically active. From 75+, less than 1/6 of us were physically active.

Dance is something we can easily do when stuck at home -- because of a pandemic or because of one's health. And it's fun -- so we're more likely to keep doing it. And... there are many more benefits.

How good is dance for seniors?

It doesn't matter what kind of dancing you do, says YourCareEverywhere.com . Multiple studies show any kind of dancing will improve your muscle strength, balance and endurance.

Aging Care says there are five main benefits for seniors to take up dancing -- that it helps both physically and mentally. (And check out their video titled "Dancin' Granny" of a senior doing salsa!)

1. Joint-pain reduction: A Saint Louis University study showed that 80 year olds who participated in a 12 week dance program were able to reduce joint pain medications by 39%.

2. Reduced dizziness: SeniorsMatter.com reported a study that shows ballet dancing can reduce your likelihood to experience dizziness.

3. Reduced chances of dementia: Because dance requires coordination between the brain and the body, an Albert Einstein College of Medicine 21-year study showed seniors who danced regularly had a 76% reduction in the risks of dementia.

4. Improved bone strength: Dancing puts anywhere from light to heavy pressure on your bones -- the intensity of which you control. Bones strengthen by putting pressure on them, so check with your doctor to see the amount of pressure recommended for you to use.

5. Increase your metabolism: Dancing revs up our metabolism , which helps us lose weight (if we need to) or eat more (yeah!).

How to ease the fun of dancing into your life

For couples: Dancing makes a great "date night" activity. Doing it at home brings additional benefits:

- Less embarrassing if one of you is self conscious about your skills

- Easier to tumble into bed if dancing turns into foreplay

Dancing alone: Solo dancing at home also carries added benefits:

- You can pick the music

- You can pick the dance (anywhere from ballet to salsa)

- You can pick the schedule

- If you haven't been able to make yourself stick to a 30 minute exercise period as recommended, see if you can set up 3 minute "Dance Attacks" at specific periods in the day. For example, before you eat lunch -- you dance to one song you like. Ditto before dinner. Or… before you watch X on the TV. Take your regular daily events and stick in a one-song dance right before.

- Something else worth trying -- before you go into the kitchen for ANY snack -- agree you'll dance to a full song first.

- I personally always thought dancing to the twist was a hoot, so I bought two twist songs for my iPhone and I dance -- and laugh -- through two a day. Your 30 minutes of exercise a day does not have to be all at one time. It's probably healthier if you break it up throughout the day.

- You can test how free you allow yourself to be. If you can't dance wild and crazy when you're alone -- you're clipping your own wings. Give yourself permission to fly free. It will feel stupid and impossible at first -- but you can eventually expect an awe-inspiring burst of elation and a grin as wide as you've ever known.

- Plus… your dogs may find it highly entertaining(!)

The title of this article refers to one of my favorite "life mottos”:

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,

Love like you'll never be hurt,

Sing like there's nobody listening,

And live like it's heaven on earth.”

― William W. Purkey

PART XI

VOLUNTEERING

Some of us find early in life a passion to help others.

Others don’t. For them it’s a surprise when they hit their 40s to 50s and suddenly find themselves thinking about paying it forward — helping others.

That sense of wanting to help the future — and the extra time we have available to put to one or more causes — is why 25% of all volunteers in the US are 65+.

In this section, we’ll examine the many different opportunities available to you. And you’ll get a glimpse of one type of opportunity you may not have realized existed.

46

HOW TO FIND THE BEST VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOU

THERE ARE SO VERY many volunteer opportunities that it's easy to get paralyzed by the idea of finding the "perfect" choice for ourselves. We can spend hours thinking of the good -- and the bad -- of each idea. And... end up doing none.

So this chapter will highlight all the many choices you have -- but also give you a way to weed through them so you find those that will give you the most satisfaction.

Why volunteer in the first place?

There are almost as many reasons why people volunteer as there are volunteer opportunities -- but they all have one benefit in common. They make us feel good because we’re helping (others, the planet, our community, etc.).

You can help individuals to learn, to eat, to succeed in life. You can help animals. You can help causes that resonate with you. You can feel good about your successes. At a minimum, you can feel good that you are TRYING to help -- unlike most other people. Even if you are volunteering deep in the muck of horrible situations, e.g.,  human trafficking, animal abuse, battered women, you will still feel good about yourself for doing something to help.

According to AtriaSeniorLiving.com, "...volunteering can reduce stress, improve mood, help prevent loneliness and lower the risk of developing high blood pressure. So, for older adults with physical ailments, volunteering can actually make you feel better.... and stay active."

It's also part of leaving a legacy behind. You may or may not have raised kids to leave for the future, but all of us can try to leave the world a better place in some way.

Whether volunteering is a new urge or a life-long interest, retirement gives you the time to make a big difference. People 65+ make up 25% of all volunteers in the U.S. -- without us the economy would take a very big hit.

How helpful to others is your city or state?

Where you live has a strong influence in whether or not you become a volunteer.

NationalService.gov says the worst of the 50 metropolitan areas they track -- meaning they have the fewest volunteers per capita helping others -- are:

- #50: Miami/FortLauderdale/West Palm Beach FL

- #49: Las Vegas/Henderson/Paradise NV

- #48: Buffalo/Cheektowaga/Niagara Falls NY

- #47: NY/NJ/PA Metro Area

- #46: Los Angeles/Long Beach/Anaheim CA

The worst states -- having the fewest volunteers -- include Florida, Nevada, New York, and California (from above) plus Mississippi and Louisiana. These states have volunteer rates from 23-26%.

States with the highest percentages of citizens who volunteer include:

- Utah (51%)

- Minnesota (45%)

- Oregon (43%)

- Iowa (42%)

- Alaska (41%)

- Nebraska (40%)

How do you choose the right "cause" for yourself?

Part of the psychology (and pathology!) of "paralysis by analysis" is:

- Assuming there is one best choice, and

- Assuming our choice is permanent -- and therefore fearing we'll regret it

Neither of the above is true for volunteering.

- First -- there is no one best choice. And even if there were, that best choice could change tomorrow. Know that there are several opportunities that could work for you -- where you could make a difference and feel good about it.

- Most important -- no decision on volunteering is ever permanent. These aren't jobs. We can quit on a dime(!)

I recommend you review the opportunities in the next section. Toss into the pot anything you've ever thought you might like -- either national or local. Then choose five that sound the most interesting. But give yourself the freedom to change your mind on the five anytime you want. Next week. Tomorrow. In an hour(!) Remove anything. Replace anything. Add anything.

Make a plan to "test drive" your current five best ideas over the next six months. Join one and "audition" it to see if it's right for you. You're giving it a tryout -- you're not committed. See if you like what you end up doing there. Does it feel worthwhile to you? Do you like/respect the people you're dealing with?

Sometimes we hesitate because we project a problem. For example, I love animals and adore dogs. But I was always hesitant to volunteer for ASPCA or any local dog shelter -- because I feared I would feel too terrible for the animals caged there. But while writing this I just decided to give it a "tryout" and see. Maybe my fears are unfounded. Maybe they are correct. The only way to know is to try it and see what's true.

If you either love or dislike your first pick for volunteering-- your decision is easy. Love it = continue. Dislike it = drop it. If your feelings about it are just so-so, then pause it and go to your next of the five options. Continue down your list until you find one that inspires you.

Volunteer opportunities -- what are our options?

According to the Corporation for National Community & Service , the most common forms of volunteering are:

- Collecting, serving, preparing, or distributing food

- Fundraising or selling items to raise money

- Engaging in general labor, like helping build homes or clean up parks

- Tutoring or teaching

- Mentoring the youth

- Collecting, making, or distributing clothing

But if these don't appeal to you, don't be limited by them. Pretty much any non-profit based in your city or county needs volunteers. Just call and ask.

There's a list that goes on and on published by CheatSheet.com on the best volunteer opportunities . Everything from the Senior Corps and RSVP to the National Park Service and Road Scholars (where you combine your love of travel with volunteering).

AARP has their own list of best volunteer opportunities, including two "virtual volunteer" options. And, if you go to aarp.org and type in "volunteer opportunities" in their search bar -- they have a service that will put you in touch with local options. You just click on your state, then your city. I put in my tiny (7K residents) city -- and AARP offered several local options for me -- so I'm sure they will have choices for you as well.

47

VOLUNTEER WITH SCORE — USE YOUR BUSINESS SKILLS TO HELP AMERICA GROW JOBS

Some of the 32 volunteers at the Central PA SCORE chapter based in State College PA

SEVEN OUT OF 10 new jobs in the United States are created by small business, according to the SBA (Small Business Administration). However, 50% of those businesses will die within the first five years. Anything that can improve either number helps America and helps our economy.

This is the mission of SCORE (Service Corp of Retired Executives) , a mission you could join in your retirement. SCORE has more than 10,000 volunteers in 300 chapters nationwide. In 2016, SCORE mentors helped start 54,072 new businesses and create 78,691 new jobs. And their help is absolutely free.

Each local SCORE chapter needs a wide variety of expertise. In ours, we have experts in non-profits, B2B, B2C, internet & social media marketing, production & operations, and finance. And our mentors come from construction, government contractors, hospitality, direct response, academia and many other industries.

SCORE makes a huge difference for entrepreneurs

I had an idea for a magazine about women’s sports when I was a 24-year-old living in Los Angeles. But I was stumped on how to handle subscriptions. Each subscriber was entitled to six issues per year, and all I could see was expanding complexity as each month brought in new subscribers, all with different expiration dates. (In fact, today, subscriptions are best handled by very robust, very specific software programs.)

I’ve forgotten how I heard about SCORE, but a call to them brought me exactly the “mentor” I needed — a man who had published his own magazine. It only took him a couple of hours to show me the (low-tech) method he had used and how I could adapt it to something even easier and lower tech (and next-to-no cost). Without that help, I might not have launched Sportswoman magazine.

Launching that magazine not only paid for four wonderful months in Europe (when I sold it), it also brought me knowledge/skills that resulted in ABC, Inc. hiring me for its publishing division. That led to a long career publishing magazines and later newsletters. So you could argue that I owe SCORE for launching not only my magazine but also my career.

What’s in it for volunteers?

Besides a chance to help your country and help create jobs, there are many other benefits of becoming a SCORE mentor.

1. You can help people launch their dreams! (Or help them keep their dreams, if their company has run into trouble.)

2. You’ll join a social group of people with business backgrounds like yours, and people with many similar interests. This larger social network will increase your quality of life.

3. Each local chapter needs officers and people with vision for new workshops, so you can use those business skills you spent so long developing!

4. You can hold back some of the effects of ageism. You can again be viewed as the intelligent, contributing member of society you actually are. You won’t be invisible!

How do you become a SCORE mentor?

Here’s the link on SCORE’s website where you apply to join: https://www.score.org/volunteer . They’ll sign you up and put you in touch with your local chapter.

You can give as many (or as few) hours as you want to this organization. You can also mentor in person or via electronic means.

And… if you are a woman and/or a person of color, SCORE is extra eager to have you join. Today, 23% of SCORE volunteers are women and 9% are minorities — numbers they would like to raise. So many new businesses are being launched by women and by people of color, all of whom would appreciate someone who looks like them on the mentor team. You know you would.

Give it a try! You’ll find it interesting, challenging, emotionally rewarding — and just plain fun!

PART XII

LOVE & SEX

We all need some form of love — some contact with other beings. But we vary greatly in the type of love, the amount of love, and the expression of love we most prefer.

- Love of animals: Personally, I don’t want to be alive if I can no longer live with a dog or cat (or 2!). Others prefer a life without pets.

- Love of family: This is so deep for many that we move across the country in our senior years — just to be near kids or grandkids. Or it may be our siblings or other extended family that matters most to us. (Some of the longest-living humans have been two sisters who have lived together into their 90s and 100’s.) Some of us grew up without the love of family — and today find love elsewhere.

- Love of friends: Some of us made our own families out of friends. We choose them and they choose us — and contact with them brings joy to our lives.

- Love of a partner : Some of us are loners — and find we’re happier when we live alone. Others don’t feel complete without a life/love partner. So this section looks at senior dating — and what you can expect.

- Sex: Whether you have a partner or not, you can still have as much sex as you wish — despite age. Men can still climax whether or not they can still achieve an erection. (Check out “The Real Sex Lives of Men Over 65 ") from PsychologyToday. com. Women can still climax via other stimulation if vaginal atrophy makes penetration painful. If you want it, sexual enjoyment is there for you. How you achieve it may change — as you’ll see in this section.

48

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

ADOPT A SENIOR PET — FIND YOUR SOULMATE!

MANY ANIMAL SHELTERS across the country have a program called Seniors for Seniors. It’s designed to help senior dogs (or cats!) find homes (instead of death or shelter living). And it’s designed to help senior citizens get new love companions that fit more easily into their lives than puppies.

I haven’t found a national organization with this title, but I have seen the program mentioned at almost every large animal shelter across the nation.

You no longer have to do without a dog in your life!

When a cherished pet dies, you grieve for awhile then get a new one — unless you’re elderly. Then you might worry about or feel guilty about bringing a puppy into your life. What happens to your animals when you die?

But, in my admittedly biased opinion, life without a dog (or a cat) is a diminished life.

The easy answer — adopt a senior dog. There are a lot of wonderful reasons to bring an older dog into your life:

- They slide easier into your life

- No potty training

- You can save them from loneliness and kennel life — because everyone else wants a YOUNG dog  (Yes, we know what that is like, right?!)

- They can get you out of the house and exercising (NICE walks, not the craziness of walking puppies!)

- They can add social encounters to your life (walks, again)

- Did I mention no potty training?!

- They can save your life. Dogs alert us to intruders and wake us up if there’s a fire.

How you find such a program

Many animal shelters have the program, so a good first stop would be to check your local animal shelter. There are also wonderful programs that specialize in helping senior dogs, such as:

- SRdogs.com  (This is a great place to stop first, as they list a lot of other organizations, plus many local senior-dog-focused programs)

- PawsForSeniors.org

- Paws.org (This link goes to their Seniors for Seniors program)

What the programs almost all offer

Most of the programs are open to adopters age 60+. Some match adopters with pets age seven and older, while others lower the pet age to four. Almost all reduce adoption fees for seniors — many will waive them entirely. If your local shelter doesn’t have an official program, just ask. Many of them will bend over backward to get senior pets adopted into a loving home.

Just one drawback in adopting a senior animal

You are likely to experience health problems sooner with them than with puppies and/or kittens. If vet expenses are likely to become a problem, you might want to look into pet health insurance before adopting. Here’s a good place to start (or you can Google options) where you will see quality programs and you can check out the costs.

Cats, too!

Yes, senior cats are also available for seniors to adopt. They won’t get you out of the house on walks and they probably won’t save your life, but they offer all the other benefits of adopting a dog. Your local shelter is less likely to have cats included in their seniors for seniors program. But many of them will waive adoption fees for senior (age seven and up) cats. Just ask.

49

FINDING YOUR SENIOR LOVE-MATE

AAH... the bloom of new love.

There's nothing like it. Everything is more vibrant -- more exciting. For many, life never feels "right" without a significant other in it.

That was my mother through three husbands, until the death of her soul-mate third husband. Then she changed her mind. At 77 years old she suddenly found joy in independence and spent the last 12 years of her life with no interest whatsoever of remarrying.

Others never change their minds -- and find life just somehow "less" without a spouse.

Should you want a spouse/lover in your life?

If you're a man, the answer is almost always "Yes." Major study after major study has found married men live substantially longer than single men, divorced, or widowed men. Married men also report being happier.

Women differ -- some desperately want a companion and others don't. Marriage doesn't seem to affect how long women live, and while some studies show marriage makes women happier -- more studies show single women being happier.

Here's part of the abstract from a study by Chipperfield and Havens in the May 2001 issue of Journals of Gerontology :

"...using data from a large-scale, longitudinal study we assessed life satisfaction as measured in 1983 and 1990 among 2,180 men and women between the ages of 67 and 102. ... Among those individuals whose marital status remained stable over the 7 years, women's life satisfaction declined and men's remained constant. Among those who experienced a transition—in particular, the loss of a spouse—a decline in life satisfaction was found for both men and women, decline being more predominant for men. In addition, men's life satisfaction increased over the 7-year period if they gained a spouse, whereas the same was not true for women."

Off-line methods of finding a senior mate

The best advice for finding a mate without going to online dating services is:

1. Ask your friends if they know anyone

2. Join clubs/groups that interest you. If you don't find someone -- at least you'll enjoy attending the club/group. And if you do find someone -- at least you'll have something in common.

These might work well in a larger city, or anywhere if you're a man. But if you live in a smaller area, or are a woman, you'll be very lucky if they work. At age 70+, there are 75 men for every 100 women . The only good news is that this has risen from where it was in the 1980s -- then 62 males per 100 females.

Online dating for seniors

If you decide to put your romantic future into the hands of a dating service, just know you're joining the Wild West. I've never seen an industry with such obviously bogus membership numbers, guesses instead of facts, and prices that change frequently. Reviews for them are all over the place -- which the sites can, of course, blame on the participants (not appealing enough!) instead of their services.

The good about online services:

The number one good about them is their numbers. Nowhere else can you find so many dating options. And know that each person on the sites is, like you, looking for connections.

If you use one of the three big sites that are more senior-friendly (Our Time, Elite Singles, and Silver Singles), you will find people your age -- or at least people open to dating people your age.

And nowhere but online can you find such niches! If you can't imagine liking a spouse who isn't as into science fiction as you are -- TrekPassions.com is for you. Only want to marry a farmer? Try FarmersOnly.com . Naturally there are sites based on your sexual orientation or religion.

Check out this link (or search) from Today.com to find 26 "wild and crazy" niche dating sites -- including one for people who only want to date someone who is in jail(!) And they list sites for people who are HIV positive or have other diseases.

The bad -- and ugly! -- about online services

Before online dating, you just had to worry about married men pretending to be single. With online dating services, you still have to worry about that -- as well as scammers (male or female) who want to steal your money. And men looking for victims. These sites also attract people who are hiding being HIV positive or carrying other sexual diseases.

Ways to protect yourself when online dating

- If the person you are falling for but have never met asks you for money -- for any reason -- drop them immediately. It is always a scam.

- Google them

- Never give a land-line phone number (as they may be able to get your address from it)

- For your first in-person meeting(s): Meet only in a public place where you will stay (e.g., a coffee shop or a museum)

- Also… If you're a woman, make sure of your transportation when you leave. Drive yourself -- but only if you will be able to park in a crowded, well-lit area. Or call a cab (or Uber) from your location to pick you up. Don't take a bus as it can can be easily followed. And never let him walk you anywhere.

- Use condoms and dental dams(!) Half of all HIV-positive people in the USA are over 50 . And rates for other STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) have been rising rapidly for seniors since 2012; up 20% in 2016 over 2015 !

- If you don't know where you'd go or who to ask about sex protection -- or about sex toys -- try out the discrete and friendly-to-all-genders Smitten Kitten .

The big 3 dating services for seniors

In trying to review these three sites, I found totally contradictory information about them from different review sites. The biggest concern is what percent of their members are actually seniors(!) Our Time doesn't give this information, Silver Singles looks like just 25% of their members are over 55, and Elite Singles says 1/3 of their members are 50+. Getting reliable cost information was also difficult -- in some cases impossible.

Silver Singles (see review at 10BestOnline.com) :

- Claim 85K "visitors" per month (not members)

- It looks like only 25% of their members are over 55(!)

- 59% female, 8% black, 7% hispanic, 2% asian

- Costs as of 9/2020: $28/mo. (12 months) up to $50/month (3 months)

- Note: this is the only site that publishes their costs to see before you go through the sign-up process!

Our Time (see review at DatingSitesReviews.com) :

- One review site says they have 1.5 million members -- another says 21.5 million(!)

- This is the only one of these three sites that does not give you a personality test. So you may wonder at how "compatible" their matches will be.

- Has the lowest costs of these three (as of 9/2020): $30 (or $38) for one month, $70 for 3 months, or $90 (or $108 -- can't tell which!) for 6 months

Elite Singles (see review at Mashable.com)

- Site targets college-educated professionals.

- Claims 1/3 of members are 50+

- Claims they get 381,000 new members a month -- which would be 127,000 at 50+

- One site says they have 13 million members. If 1/3 are over 50+, that would be just over 4 million.

- Claims 82% have college degrees

- Prices are highest of the three.

What about free dating sites?

The biggest problem with free dating sites is that they can attract people who don't want to leave behind any trace of their real selves. While a credit card doesn't prove someone is who s/he says they are -- it's at least one form of identification that has to be real. So someone who has been on a paid site for at least 2 months has a credit card that works, and that hasn't been reported stolen! (Talk about a low bar!)

What should you try?

If you're a senior man on a tight budget and just looking for some fun dates, you might try some of the free dating sites (although you, too, can be targeted for robbery or financial scams). All men should definitely try a niche site or two -- just to see if you can find someone with your specific interests. But if you're looking for a relationship, with someone near you, you will probably find a higher quality and quantity of potential partners on one of the three big sites listed above.

If you're a senior woman, try any niche site that fits any obsession you have. And try one of the big three listed above. And know, if you’re seeking a man, you will probably have to contact them to get attention. Posting your picture and bio and then sitting back and waiting to get contacted probably won't work -- unless you look amazing.

IMPORTANT: Regardless of your gender, make sure you do a zoom-type meeting once you have exchanged a few notes and feel there is mutual interest. If you correspond for very long without that -- it's too easy to fall for a fantasy that you either invented about them or one they encouraged you to invent. You need to see if there's chemistry early. (And it is another step in protecting yourself from love scammers.)

50

10 TIPS FOR HOT SOLO SENIOR SEX

BY JOAN PRICE

Senior sex isn’t just partner sex. Many of us don’t have partners, yet keeping our sexual selves vibrant and healthy is crucial for many reasons. It’s true that if we don’t use it, we lose it — and that’s true for any gender.

When we have less hormonal rush to stay sexual, especially if we’re without a partner and maybe blue about that, we can fall into a pattern where we don’t think as much about sexual pleasure, and we don’t give it to ourselves. Arousal and orgasms may feel second-rate and inconsequential, and sometimes just too much trouble.

Instead, let’s see our marvelous bodies as still capable of pleasure, and let’s nurture that. We have the capacity — and the responsibility! — to keep ourselves fully functioning by pleasuring ourselves, discovering what feels good (it may have changed, so don’t assume that of course you know) and what it takes to make our brains and body parts sing. Let’s celebrate that we don’t have to close down just because we’re older and partnerless. Indeed, let’s enjoy what we can offer ourselves.

Here are some tips for bringing the sizzle back to your sex life — on your own!

1. Plan for solo sex . At this time of life, we need slow arousal and gradual build-up. So set aside enough private time to enjoy the journey without rushing. Set up whatever you need for comfort, such as special pillows. Shut off distractions like phone and computer, lock the door, and settle in for pleasure.

2. Enjoy solo sex during high energy times . When do you feel most sexually charged? When you first wake up? After morning coffee? Mid-afternoon? That’s when to indulge in a solitary romp, rather than after a meal when you’re digesting or at night when your sensations are shutting down. When you feel the tingle, indulge it!

3. Create your own foreplay . Do sexy things that get you in the mood. Remember hot times with a special lover. Read erotica, play special songs, watch porn (or, if you prefer, a movie with a star who always turns you on), write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a waterproof vibrator into the bath or shower — whatever starts your path to arousal. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your body with lingerie, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight–whatever feels good and puts you in the mood.

4. Use a silky lubricant . Don’t just settle for the drugstore variety — there are many different varieties of lubricants for moisture and slickness that feel great and bring back the joy of friction, whether we’re using our hands or a toy. Experiment to find your favorites. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently.

5. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers . Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. Women: try a clitoral vibrator, with or without a dildo, depending whether you like the feeling of a full vagina. (Read the many  vibrator reviews  at Joan’s website to help you choose.) Men: try a sleeve, cock ring, or prostate stimulator. Lucky for us that sex toys for both genders are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

6. Fantasize . Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners, no limits. Let your brain (your main sex organ!) indulge in whatever arouses you. Be open to whatever comes into your mind, even if it is something you would not do in real life or with someone you consider off limits. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on. Just go with it.

7. Be physical in daily life . Walking, biking, dancing, yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, and other forms of exercise all enhance blood flow and get you in touch with your own physicality. This translates to your sexual arousal because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. Plus you mentally feel “in your body.”

8. Realize that your solo practice not only gives you pleasure, it’s important for health . Experts recommend at least one orgasm a week for both men and women for genital health and for heart health as well. Weekly orgasms keep the pelvic floor strong and the nerves firing, boost the immune system, and reduce the risk of incontinence, depression, and heart disease. Men – regular orgasms are important for prostate health.

9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway . It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once we’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread tips #1-8, and just do it. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen, that that will trigger your emotional arousal, and that triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

10. Don’t think of solo sex as “settling for” a substitute for partner sex . You’re celebrating your own sexuality, glorying in your body’s capability of pleasing you, and enjoying the journey. This is a gift you can give yourself whenever you want, and isn’t that wonderful?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Joan Price calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She has been called other things by the media: “senior sexpert,” “the woman leading a sex revolution for seniors,” and—her favorite—“wrinkly sex kitten.” She is the author of four noteworthy books about sex and aging, including the award winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Joan’s books and blog have been offering senior sex news, views, and sex toy reviews since 2005. She is the co-creator of " jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex ,” winner of multiple awards. Find Joan and her books, blog, and webinars at https://joanprice.com .

(These tips are copyright 2010-2011 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from  Joan Price .)

PART XIII

AGING ALONE

Aging alone is great — if it’s your choice. Not so great if you find yourself doing it while wishing you weren’t.

This section ponders the human need for companionship — and the many different ways we find (or can find) as much companionship as we want and need.

51

AGING ALONE

AGING ALONE CAN BE wonderful -- or terrible.

It can be Frank Sinatra singing, "I did it my way." It can be a house that contains exactly what you want, in the style you want, with the pets you want. It can be days full of eating exactly what and when you want -- while doing the hobbies and supporting the causes you want. It can also be filled with friends YOU choose.

Or... it can be loneliness (and boredom) so overwhelming you sink into dementia just to avoid your life.

There are two keys to success:

1. Know yourself. A good question to ask yourself is "Which do you hate the most -- feeling lonely or feeling crowded?" Obviously neither is fun, but most people are strongly in one camp or the other.

- Personally, I get absolutely crazy when I feel crowded. I've tried marriage and living with someone, but I spent too much time in each wishing he would just go away for awhile. When dating, I don't see why I need to spend the entire weekend with my date.

- On the opposite side, neither of my brothers did well living alone. And an aunt of mine living alone was so lonely it broke my heart. One 40-year-old male business executive disliked being alone so much that if he was facing three hours of being alone -- he'd call up someone and get together. Just the idea of aloneness made him crazy.

2. Make a change if you need more companionship. That same lonely aunt of mine confessed she really wanted to live with someone. She enjoyed having a companion in the house. She had lived with her mother until her mother's death. Yet my aunt took no steps to change her desperate unhappiness. She wouldn't go out; she wouldn't even let me take her out to dinner. She didn't try to meet anyone. She had pictures of her family that were on a continuous loop on her TV and she watched them for hours. Each day. There was zero surprise when I heard she'd developed dementia. It's (for some) a way of "giving up."

- Find a roommate.

- Move in with a family member or friend

- Talk to people at the local senior center. There are undoubtedly several who would want to cut housing costs by becoming a roommate.

- Move into a senior community, or assisted living. I know two women who worried about the idea initially, but ended up loving it. These communities offer lots of people and lots of scheduled activities that can ease feelings of loneliness.

So you've chosen to age alone. Now what?

Know that you are not "alone"! There are an estimated 8.8 million men and 10.6 million women 60+ who live alone (26% of seniors 60+). Also, a rough estimate of 2.3 million of women 60+ never had a child (demographics say nothing about men without children, but 15% of women from age 40 on up have never had a child).

While most concerns are similar, people aging alone have some different needs. Check out Aging Alone , a great book by Ruth Alvarez, for some interesting ideas and strategies. And check out Chapter 18 on protecting yourself from being forced into an involuntary guardianship.

How much companionship do you want?

People who choose to live alone vary greatly on the amount of companionship they want in their lives. But all of us -- except for hermits living in a cave(!) -- want some human contact.

Don't feel bullied into thinking you should want more -- or less -- contact than you really prefer. A lot of psychologists get their names in the papers from writing articles (and books!) on how not enough social interaction will cause seniors to sink into depression, develop all sorts of diseases, and die early. It gets those psychologists more book sales and more attention saying "there's a crisis of social isolation for seniors" instead of saying "some seniors but not all wish they had more social interaction"(!)

If you want lots of social interaction...

- Perhaps you should reconsider living alone(!??)

- At a minimum, you will want at least one -- maybe two? -- volunteer activities daily.

- Consider taking up golf -- a single can squeeze into any threesome and you'll have 3 hours or so to get to know new people.

- Get involved in your church. Or your town. There's usually Rotary clubs, garden clubs, and beautify-your-city organizations.

- If you live in a college town, consider opening your house to a foreign exchange student each semester (once students can attend in-person again)

- Join a walking club, jogging club, biking club, hiking club -- anything that gets you moving and introduces you to like-minded people.

- Check out your local YMCA or YWCA. The swimming pool at our YMCA offers lap swimming at 6AM and 7AM. Pick a time and you'll "meet" others regularly who swim at that time. Chats can move to getting breakfast afterwards.

- Teach something at your local Y. Think of what you know that others would like to know.

- Schedule regular weekly (daily?) calls with your friends. It's too easy for months to go by otherwise.

- Spend regular time with your grandkids! Or, if you don't have any, consider being a Big Brother or Big Sister to someone.

If you only need a little bit of socialization....

- Consider picking just one or two items from above.

- Get involved in one hobby where you meet with other people.

Ideas you might not have considered include:

- If you have the money, why not get a sport pilot license? You can get one for about $15K these days -- and you'll be training with a pilot and hanging out at small airports with other pilots.

- Line dancing? Ballroom dancing?

- Why not join a cooking class/school? Or teach cooking?

- Take classes in really anything -- pottery making, car repair, creative writing, etc.

PART XIV

DEATH

In the past 50 years, we’ve lost our connection to death. Humans used to know it intimately — they saw it take away grandparents, then parents on their deathbeds. Humans also saw it steal away children before their time from disease.

But we’ve hidden it away now and lost our connection to it. In our new ignorance, we’ve now turned it into the boogeyman. Something to fight against and try to deny.

We no longer see our loved ones sometimes welcome it at the end. It can be the end of pain and suffering. And, for all of us, it’s the finish to the story of our lives.

To put it more gruesomely, nobody gets out of here alive.

So our newly acquired ignorance of what to expect is breathtakingly stupid. Why should we each have to face it knowing so little about it?

For an excellent day-by-day examination of what it’s like for one woman in the last 2-3 years of her life, I recommend you check out the blog TimeGoesBy.net . You can live with her as she fights off pancreatic cancer to get an extra couple of years, then when she’s put on hospice because the doctors say she has less than 6 months to live. You can read about her getting the drugs from doctors to end her life when she decides it’s time (she’s in Oregon which has Death With Dignity laws).

Because of requests from her readers, she has made arrangements after her death for the blog to continue online for five years — which means it should be available through 2025.

52

WHAT MAKES A “GOOD” DEATH?

HAVE you wondered about how you would like to die? Beyond the snap answers of our youth, such as “in my sleep” or the more risqué “in the saddle”?

After my only remaining brother died, I started thinking about how he went. And how the rest of the family went.

There’s the sudden, unexpected death that can’t be anticipated. My “baby” brother Harold (53-years-old at the time) collapsed suddenly and was gone by the time they got him to the hospital.

There are “bad” deaths:

- The angry and afraid death, where Alzheimer’s steals your mind and your memories and leaves you paranoid, afraid and flailing out at people. And taking way, way too long to die. My dad got that one.

- There’s the long, lingering disease death where you stay in a hospital bed and wish to hell you were home or (often) even dead. This is the one I fear almost as much as the Alzheimer’s death.

Then there’s a death that looks remarkably stage managed. Mom and my last brother, Gordon, both had this death, a decade apart. Both had big in-the-hospital scares, where they were expected to die. Family flew to be with them. Both of them recovered quickly enough to walk out of the hospital the day after family arrived. So both were able to be present and really enjoy the family visits.

Then, a month or two later, both died quickly — and, I believe, painlessly. My brother fell and died instantly. My mother became “non-responsive” and died within a week without waking up.

If I got a vote, I’d vote to go like either of my brothers or like mom. But please, god, not like my father.

A good (!) lung cancer death

Some deaths that seem like they would be a nightmare, actually turn out to be peaceful. For example, you’d think lung cancer would be a long, lingering, horrible death. But for Gordon, it wasn’t.

Gordon smoked all his life, so he would have been hypocritical if he railed about the “unfairness” of his lung cancer. But he never did. I’ve never seen someone be so upbeat in the face of sure, coming-on-like-a-freight-train death.

- He did radiation and felt fine.

- He did chemo – but only because the #@**# regulations for receiving a biologic wouldn’t let him take that biologic until (and unless) he did chemo. The chemo made him want to die.

- But once he was off the chemo and onto the biologic – his natural, optimistic personality came back. He had another good two years from there.

When the biologic stopped working, and the hospital and his wife wanted to know his “end of life” instructions – I honestly think it took him by surprise. There was just no question in his mind but that he would recover. Which he did, at least temporarily. He got out of the hospital in a week, then lived another 2 months at home. Most important, Gordon wasn’t in pain. He was just tired. And got more tired. Until it was over.

There are interesting studies that show having a completely irrational belief that you will be fine is a key factor in you living longer. In Gordon’s case, the extra time was good time.

Does a spouse make dying easier or worse?

Both my brothers and my father were lucky (or smart!) enough to have wives who were there for them. Who were able to fight for them and look after them when it was required. While I think it is a net positive, there are negatives that come with it.

- Good: They can make restricted life easier for you, and make it much more likely you can die at home.

- Bad: They become more in charge than you are.

- Bad?: Will they try extraordinary measures to keep you alive? Measures that you might (strongly) prefer they not take? A friend of mine confessed to me he made the hospital take just those methods trying to keep his wife alive, even though she had told him (when she got the terminal diagnosis) that she did not want breathing tubes and all the rest he subjected her to.

- Bad?: Others worry about the opposite. Will the spouse take all the extraordinary methods you WANT them to?

53

ASSISTED SUICIDE — WHAT ARE YOUR RIGHTS?

By Vallerina F. Day

Say you wake up after an accident in the hospital. You slowly realize that you are completely paralyzed and on a ventilator.

All your life you have feared this very circumstance. You still have your wits about you and you are filled with revulsion at the idea of living helpless and captive to machinery. You would much rather die than live in this condition, even though the doctors say you could live for years. Is there help for you?

All states ban euthanasia

“Euthanasia” means the action of inducing a gentle and easy death. The federal government and all fifty states prohibit euthanasia under general homicide laws.

On the other hand, the federal government does not have assisted suicide laws. In 1997, the U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled, in Glucksberg v. Washington and Vacco v. Quill that there is no Constitutional right to assisted suicide. Therefore, states have a right to prohibit it.

The exception to these laws is in the area of terminal illness. The phrase “assisted suicide” often is used interchangeably with the phrases “death with dignity,” “physician-assisted suicide” and “physician-aided suicide.”

8+ states allow “assisted suicide” or “death with dignity”

Assisted suicide is legal, by legislation or court order, in eight states plus D.C. — California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington). Montana is on the fence, stating they don’t prohibit it — but neither do they specifically allow it.

The requirements are similar in all cases.

- The person requesting the service must be a resident of the state or city.

- The person typically must make more than one oral request for the service to their doctor, often separated by a period of time, usually fifteen days, AND a written request.

- The person must be declared by one or more doctors as terminally ill and having six months or less to live.

- The doctor must determine that the patient is capable of making an informed decision and is making that decision voluntarily.

All protections under the various assisted suicide laws contemplate assistance rendered under medical supervision. They typically do not apply to assistance rendered by family or friend. Some protection is sometimes provided if the friend or family is acting in accordance with a Living Will, a Power of Attorney or a Do Not Resuscitate request by withholding medical treatment, medicine, food or water.

So far, no help for you. But wait, as the late night commercials say, there’s more.

Our right to control our own bodies

The courts have long recognized the individual’s right to the control over one’s body and to refuse unwanted touching.

The 1976 New Jersey case of In Re: Quinlan started the debate about under what circumstances artificial life support, in this case a respirator, can be withdrawn from a person in a persistent vegetative state. The patient’s father sought guardianship with the express intent of directing the removal of the respirator, consistent with his daughter’s wishes. The Court addressed the issue in terms of a constitutional right to privacy and determined that that such right to privacy could be asserted by her guardian.

In 1990, the U.S. Supreme Court, in Cruzan v. Director, Mo. Dept. of Health, recognized that a competent person has a constitutionally protected liberty interest under the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to refuse unwanted medical treatment. The patient was in a vegetative state, and the family wished to terminate artificial nutrition and hydration. The Court held that, in order to balance the patient’s constitutional right against the State’s interest in preserving life, the State’s standard of “clear and convincing evidence” of the patient’s wishes could be applied. If the evidence were clear and convincing, which it was not in this case, it would trigger the Constitutional right of the patient.

So, my paralyzed friend, fret not. If you are conscious and competent, you have the right to refuse any unwanted medical treatment.

Living Wills & Durable Powers of Attorney

If you are unconscious, incompetent or vegetative, you can rely on your clearly worded Living Will and/or Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care to speak for you under these terrible circumstances and to be clear and convincing evidence of your wishes.

Unfortunately, you may run into medical personnel (or others), who oppose your clearly stated wishes and attempt to thwart the actions you desire. There are several approaches to address such opposition.

1. Be sure the hospital or medical facility has copies of your directing documents in its files. Discuss these documents and their directives with your doctor to see if you can ascertain any resistance early.

2. Meet any opposition with direct verbal demands to doctor and hospital administrator, reducing such demands to writing, if necessary. The administrator is interested in getting the revenue from your hospitalization, but is probably not so interested in getting the facility embroiled in a lawsuit to enforce clearly stated, Constitutionally protected, rights.

3. Many hospitals and other medical facilities employ patient advocates or ombudsmen, whose job it is to act as an intermediary between patient and the medical establishment and to advocate for the patient’s wishes.

4. Get an attorney involved in the enforcement of your legal rights. The attorney can act quickly to obtain a Temporary Restraining Order, or other order consistent with the rights of the patient.

5. Finally, contact your state or local representatives and/or the media and see if you can get them interested in your case. The Veterans Administration Hospitals are particularly politicized, so contacting your Senator, especially if you have a strong, straight-forward case, could be very advantageous.

1 521 U.S. 702 (1997)

2 521 U.S. 793 (1997)

3 355 A.2d 647 (N.J. 1976)

4 497 U.S.  at 279 (1990)

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT legal advice! Local laws can differ greatly. This article is intended only for information purposes. If you have questions about it, you can bring it to your local lawyer to see if/how it might be applied in your locality.

About the Author:

Vallerina F. Day is a retired attorney and judge.

PHOTO CREDITS

Chapter 1:

1. Mimagephotography, Shutterstock

2. AJR Photo, Shutterstock

3. Bo1982, Shutterstock

4. Igor Alecsander, Istockphoto

5. Halfpoint, Shutterstock

6. Alexander Raths, Shutterstock

7. Belushi, Shutterstock

8. Mila Supinskaya Glashchenko, Shutterstock

9. Brian Eichhorn, Shutterstock

10. Art Family, Shutterstock

11. Dragon Images, Istockphoto

Chapter 3:

1. Bag & a Beret

2. Sanbao, Shutterstock

3. Sandra Matic, Shutterstock

4. Kracken Images, Shutterstock

5. Chris Piason, Istockphoto

6. Kaspars Grunwalds, Shutterstock

Chapter 4: 5 Raw Pixel, Istockphoto

Chapter 5: Ruslan Huzau, Shutterstock

Chapter 6: Shutterstock

Chapter 7: udaix, Shutterstock

Chapter 8: ttsz, Istockphoto

Chapter 10: Ship Factory, Shutterstock

Chapter 11: Iryna Inshyna, Shutterstock

Chapter 13: CasarsaGuru, Istockphoto

Chapter 14: Syda Productions, Shutterstock

Chapter 16: The Scream, by Edvard Munch, public domain

Chapter 18: Madrolly, Istockphoto

Chapter 20: New York Mets

Chapter 22: Roman Samborskyi, Shutterstock

Chapter 23: Ridofranz, Istockphoto

Chapter 24: Zef Art, Shutterstock

Chapter 27: Raw Pixel, Shutterstock

Chapter 28: Vadimguzhva, Istockphoto

Chapter 29: Bee32, Istockphoto

Chapter 31: Pathdoc, Shutterstock

Chapter 32: Stellar Graphic, Istockphoto

Chapter 33: Grinvalds, Istockphoto

Chapter 34: Marlene Jensen

Chapter 35: SKrow, Istockphoto

Chapter 36: Ducu59us, Shutterstock

Chapter 37: Vector Fusion Art, Shutterstock

Chapter 38: Anna Semenchenko, Istockphoto

Chapter 39: Slphotography, Istockphoto

Chapter 40: LeoWolfert, Istockphoto

Chapter 41: Lisa F. Young, Shutterstock

Chapter 42: Cynoclub, Istockphoto

Chapter 43: Bowie15, Istockphoto

Chapter 44: Marlene Jensen

Chapter 45: Yakobchuk Viacheslav, Shutterstock

Chapter 46: Desdemona72, Shutterstock

Chapter 47: Marlene Jensen

Chapter 48: dogs for adoption

Chapter 49: Robert Daly, Istockphoto

Chapter 51: Meboon Studio, Shutterstock

Chapter 52: Bubaone, Istockphoto

Chapter 53: Eyjafjallajokull, Istockphoto

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marlene Jensen is a 2020 retiree — at 73-years-old.

This book started with a blog she launched (SeniorDefender.net ) in 2017 — as she tried to figure out this aging stuff she was facing.

Previously Jensen was a VP/Publisher at CBS, a consultant on marketing at ABC, Food Network, Playboy, etc., an entrepreneur — with dozens of startups launched — and a professor (now emeritus) of marketing and pricing at Lock Haven University. She’s also the author of four books on pricing strategy.

In her “retirement” she continues her blog, offers courses on pricing strategy (PricingPsychologyInstitute.com ), and is designing a new line of jewelry.

Jensen offers free advice to would-be entrepreneurs — through volunteering with SCORE and through her free website Help4Entrepreneurs.com

Sadly, none of the above has prepared her for the onslaught of marketers who now think her daily interests/needs consist solely of hearing aids, wheel chairs, adult diapers, medi-alert buttons, medications, and bath tubs you walk into.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Notice

Limits of Liability / Disclaimer of Warranty

Contents

Welcome!

I. Looks

1. Best Looks for Your Older Age

2. To Gray or Not to Gray? Is That the Question?

3. Dramatic Looks — Stop Being Invisible!

II. Ageism

4. How Ageism Will — and Won’t — Affect Your Life

5. Ageism Dangers

6. Your Pharmacy Assumes You Become Senile the Day You Turn 70!

III. Health

7. Your Brain is Shrinking: How to Protect Yourself

8. How to Improve Recall — and Maybe Delay Alzheimers or Dementia

9. Does Your Diet Need to Change as You Age?

10. Hate Exercise? Motivation “Tricks” That Actually Work!

11. Exercise at 60+ — Beware Personal Trainers

12. Big Pharma Horrors: Meltdown Monday

13. Drug Side Effects — Suddenly Schizophrenic

14. Demand These in a Hospital Stay…

IV. Legal

15. NEVER go Into a Nursing Home to Recover — You May Never Escape

16. Are the Men in White Coats Coming for You?

17. “Powers of Attorney” are Dangerous — Both Assigning One and Not

18. How Seniors are Forced into Involuntary Guardianships

V. Mental

19. Dramatically Improve Your Memory — in 6-8 Minutes

20. Depression in Seniors — and the Effects of Sports

21. Free College for Seniors

Alabama & Alaska

Arizona & Arkansas

California & Colorado

Connecticut & Delaware

D.C. & Florida

Georgia & Hawaii

Idaho & Illinois

Indiana & Iowa

Kansas & Kentucky

Louisiana & Maine

Maryland & Massachusetts

Michigan & Minnesota

Mississippi & Missouri

Montana & Nebraska

Nevada & New Hampshire

New Jersey & New Mexico

New York & North Carolina

North Dakota & Ohio

Pennsylvania, Rhode Island & So. Carolina

South Dakota & Tennessee

Texas & Utah

Vermont & Virginia

Washington & West Virginia

Wisconsin & Wyoming

VI. Retirement

22. How do You Decide When to Retire?

23. Never Retire! Jobs That Won’t Kick Seniors to the Curb

24. Letting Go of Your Job

25. Empty Calendar Syndrome?

VII. Money

26. How Thieves Steal Your Social Security Benefits

27. You Need Just 3 Numbers to Budget Expenses for Retirement

28. How Much $ Can You Withdraw Each Year Without Running Out?

29. What if Your Retirement Income Isn’t Enough?

30. A Satisfying Retirement with Limited Resources

VIII. Where to Live?

31. States Which Grab More of Your Retirement Income

32. States That let Insurance Companies Screw You Out of Your Money

33. Live on the Beach — or in a Ski Lodge — and Still Run Your Business

34. Should You Buy an RV?

IX. Start Your Own Biz

35. Discover if Your New Biz Idea Will Succeed — BEFORE You Launch!

36. How to Protect Your Biz with a Trademark

37. Good Websites — for Cheap

38. Writing Great Marketing Copy

39. How to Set Up Accounting Software — When You’d Rather Die!

40. Hiring Part-time or Project Help

X. Fun!

41. Feeling Powerless? Get Behind the Wheel of an RV

42. Agility Training — Fun for You and Your Dog!

43. You Could Test Recipes for Publishers

44. Create a Model Train Layout — for Fun and for the Challenge!

45. Dance — Like Nobody’s Watching!

XI. Volunteering

46. How to Find the Best Volunteer Opportunities for YOU

47. Volunteer with SCORE — Use Your Business Skills to Help America Grow Jobs

XII. Love & Sex

48. Unconditional Love

49. Finding Your Senior Love-Mate

50. 10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

XIII. Aging Alone

51. Aging Alone

XIV. Death

52. What Makes a “Good” Death?

53. Assisted Suicide — What are Your Rights?

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